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Is anybody else treated differently by their caree.... - Carers UK Forum

Is anybody else treated differently by their caree....

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
When other people are around?
Does anyone else here go through tough times when alone with their caree but when anybody else is around all suddenly seems to be ok?
It's not a situation I'm in myself but it's certainly a common one going by the number of carers I've talked with over the years.
The only problem i had with STAN was at home he was a wee bit quiet he often asked to go to bed early but i think he just wanted to give us some time on our own but when we were out and we did go out most days when he met friends he was very chaty with them he would talk and talk for hours but as ive said at home he was oh so quiet i still think he was upset that i was having to look after him but outside he put on a brave front . but he was always helpful when at home he was not difficult to care for .
Know what you mean Butterfly - my Mum continually complains about aches / pains; doesn't know who I am; complains about being bored etc, etc all when it is just the two of us. Then when we are out or if we have company she is all sweetness and light, telling everyone how good I am ! Even her GP thinks I'm exaggerating when I tell him what she's like !! Makes me feel like I'm fighting an uphill battle when I'm only trying to care.
Jill can be in the fowlest of moods with me, but visitors will see a very different side to her Image
My son with the depression. He can be absolutely awful with me, even in a Drs waiting room, but get into an appointment, or anyone professional come here, and he is a different person, all sweetness and light. He just shuts himself away from family or friends, so they don't get the sweetness and light, it is only the professional people.
Hubby always tells people that 'we can manage, can't we?' And 'no, I think we're alright, aren't we?' (when offered help). I'm desperate to say 'actually, no, I can't manage', but then he says that because he has PAs, WHAT THE HELL AM I MOANING ABOUT????? The PAs don't mow the lawn, service the lawnmower, put petrol/water/oil in the car, service the car, wash the car, climb ladders to mend things, replace light bulbs, do the shopping, collect hubby's dustbin bagfuls of supplies from the pharmacy (boxes of sheaths and legbags don't fit inside carrier bags, when we have three or four boxes at a time), maintain the wheelchair (tightening screws and bolts and cleaning it and watching out for its state of safety), maintain the central heating oil system, paperwork, filing, choosing meals, heavy 'man type jobs'. They don't have to think about anything not related to hubby. And worse of all, THEY DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO WORRY ABOUT. . . . because at the end of their 2 weeks, they just walk away and have 2 weeks all to themselves. And hubby can't see that my health problems could possibly have anything to do with looking after him, because apparently I don't look after him. Oh yeah? It's awful to say it, but I just wish I had a man about the place, who doesn't get angry when I'm stressed and worried all the time. But it's okay, EVERYTHING'S FINE, thank you. Image Image Image
Sarah is horrible at home telling me to go away, shut up etc but when she is in different company shes all sweetness and light, does my head in as they then think I am lying about all the problems I have with her
I'm glad you posted this topic Butterfly.
I can relate to everything everyone has said and yes, it drives me mad. It's like Mum is on her best behaviour for everyone else so that no-one will take her away.
When I get a sitter for Mum she is completely different with them too - she doesn't need changing every hour, she talks better, let's them sit downstairs comfortably watching telly and having a coffee. Nothing like the person she is with me Image
Yes Butterfly, I have had this problem for years,OH is happy and pleasant with friends,neighbours and professionals but when we are on our own he can be very awkward ,and find fault with everything,and can be verbally abusive,when I meet someone and they say " what a nice man your husband is,he never complains " I think "pardon"are we talking about the same man,when I say he is not like that with me ,they look at me as if I am mad ,I do think carees" can become self centered and selfish I often think they are like a four year old just trying to push the boundries to see how far they can go before you snap.