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Ingratitude and lies. - Carers UK Forum

Ingratitude and lies.

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Do any of you have the people you care for be completely ungrateful and lie about how much they get you to do for them? I'm my grandmother's carer and this is making me so angry I could explode. I have to get up before dawn every day to start work for her because she wants her newspaper at the crack of dawn every day and is too lazy to fetch it herself. From that moment on, I am doing things for her, but she is not grateful.

This is what happened today. All day I've been fetching things from the shop, taking her phone calls, dealing with her appointments and doing her laundry. But she's been telling me off all day. She has a wheezy chest and asked me to phone the doctor for advice. The doctor said she should be seen and made an appointment for her this afternoon and when I told her she got angry and had a go at me as she hadn't wanted an appointment, just advice. Then she had a go at me over her shopping, because when she gave me her shopping list she forgot something and it was raining too heavily for me to go back out again. Then I was doing her laundry and she thought it was taking too long. Literally every ten minutes she kept asking me if it was ready yet. Eventually I said, "No, and will you stop asking? I've told you its not ready yet?"

Then she got angry and started yelling at me, saying rubbish like, "Why do you have to say that? I never ask you to do anything for me. This is the one time I've asked you to do something for me and you get angry. You're so nasty and miserable!"

I said, "Are you serious? I run around after you all day every day! You are always demanding something, I never even get a break!"

She just said, "Oh that's not true. I never ask you for anything. I don't know why you're saying this." bla bla bla. She treats me like a slave and denies that she asks for anything! Most days I don't even have time for lunch because she's got me rushed off my feet. And no doubt when my mum gets home from work she will slag me off to her and say I've done nothing for her and have been horrible to her. I really wish the old witch would just hurry up and die. I can't even get a break by going to my room as she stands at the bottom of the stairs and screams up at me to do things for her!
I'd get a secret recording device and then prove to all concerned exactly what goes on when you are with her! You DON'T have to care for her. I wouldn't. Caring is a two way street. You give them love and care, and they should at least show a bit of respect in return. Otherwise, what's the point?
I want to get out, but I've developed such severe depression that I just don't have the energy to do anything except go through the motions of life. The doctors are no help. I made one serious suicide attempt that landed me in intensive care for 5 days. I was discharged with no mental health help or follow up care. I've begged the doctor for counselling or cbt, anything, they just say "You're on the waiting list" and send me away with antidepressants that just give me side effects (I've tried 5 different brands). I made a suicide pact with someone online, but cancelled at the last minute. I called the doctor and told them what was happening, they just didn't take it seriously at all and didn't offer me any help. I just don't have the energy or strength to leave this situation.
Yes you do have the energy, you just need some moral support. I've told you before to arrange a Carers Assessment from Social Services. Have you done this?
Hi I_1512

I think it's appalling that your GP is not taking your suicidal thoughts seriously. It's also appalling that the hospital discharged you without any follow up care.

You've probably already read the support pages for suicidal thoughts and what to do in a crisis on the Mind website but if you haven't, I'm copying a couple of links here for you to read:-

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-supp ... oa7abaLRH0

http://www.mind.org.uk/information-supp ... oa9ALaLRH1

There's more pages to read as well. I really hope there's something there to help you.

I know how hard it is to cope with caring for someone 24/7 when you're already exhausted with your own health problems.

I hope you find some support very soon.
Grimly,. she won't die just because you want her to! Waiting for someone to die is not a viable way to live your own life.

You do need to take charge of your own life. Again,. grimly, absolutely no one is going to ride to your rescue because you are suicidal. I know that sounds horrible, but it's true - you've already found that out.

In this life, we HAVE to look out for ourselves. Please make this new year the year you get hold of your own life, walk out on your selfish grandmother, and take control of your own life. It will be hard, but will it be any worse than what you are putting up with now? Only YOU can rescue yourself! Only YOU care enough about yourself to rescue yourself.....