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I'm no longer a carer - Carers UK Forum

I'm no longer a carer

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
As of today.

Mum has been in hospital for 6 weeks. A long, strange 6 weeks, including one period when she had an internal bleed and I was given "The Talk" by the doctor.

She's been moved to a nursing home today, she isn't happy, but there's no other choice as caring for her at home isn't really doable.

I am happy she is being cared for, and in some ways it is a relief, but I am terrified. Really really terrified about my own future. I have 8 weeks of Carer's Allowance, and then it is the Dole, and I realistically have no chance of finding work. I have/had/still have health issues which ATOS decided do not exist.

I am also facing the possibility of being made homeless for the second time in 5 years.

I also hate the fact that the few people who contacted me to ask about mum over the last 6 weeks, only one asked about me. I am socially isolated here, I have no friends at all, and I feel completely alone.

I am also incredibly relieved that I no longer have to drive to the hospital every day, 40 mile round trip, but at the same time, that is the end of my routine and I can't pick myself up into a new one.
Nenuphar, this is a time of very mixed emotions, it's so important now that you look after yourself, and do not panic into sny important decisions without taking proper advice. Carers uk have their advice line to contact, it's for former carers too. Why are you likely to be made homeless?
Hello Nenuphar

Sorry to hear that your Mum has had to move into residential care.

As BB says now is the time to take stock and not rush any decisions; by all means visit the Job Centre and sign on - you probably won't get money straight away but you will have started the ball rolling. At the same time contact our Advice Line team for advice on what to do next. Their contact details are here: http://www.carersuk.org/help-and-advice/talk-to-us

Is Mum's care home nearby ? You'll be able to visit regularly; perhaps be able to take her out occasionally ? and this will become your new 'routine'. I found (like lots of others have) that once I wasn't having to do all the physical caring my relationship with my Mum improved greatly and reverted to that of Mother/Daughter rather than Nurse/Patient.
I am so sorry to hear that, Nenuphar. But I will also correct you. You are still very much a carer, just not one who needs to do the physical elements of caring. You will be mum's representative though in dealing with the staff at the care home and becoming a team with the staff. I too went through that and after the initial period of shock, I will admit that there was some relief in having someone else to talk to about mum's welfare.

Is mum self-funding? Or will the local authority be paying? If you need any advice on financial aspects, remember the Carers UK adviceline. Similarly, Shelter may be able to advice or point you in the right direction re housing worries.

And yes, we are the forgotten ones. Neighbours ask about mum but never about the carer in my opinion, or at least not often enough. You will get through this difficult period and we are all here to hold your hand. Use the expertise on this Forum where you can.

Look after yourself, Anne x