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Carers UK Forum • I'm cross
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I'm cross

Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 10:49 am
by Booksey
Recently my dad who has multiple heath problems and vascular dementia was admitted to hospital with pneumonia. I had to go with him and my mum when he was admitted because she panics. Luckily DS was at home and looked after hubs for me. So I had to add visiting to my list of jobs, managed to juggle it some how though

Mum and dad had a holiday booked this week which she has decided to go on with out him. I can understand that she needed a break (she does have access to respite breaks but will not take them because she has to contribute) and how she feels this is a good opportunity to go. Although I am a bit surprised that she would go to Germany whilst he is still not 100%, but there you go.

Yesterday because hubs wasn’t too well I couldn’t go in the afternoon to visit dad and in the evening I had to go to a concert that my daughter was performing in. I already felt guilty because I was leaving hubs when he wasn’t well but I made sure he had everything he needed and he went to sleep anyway and I had my phone with me if he needed me.

I spoke to my dad on the phone and he sounded so sad and depressed because he hadn’t had visitors all day. I had tried to get my brother to go but he wasn’t answering calls or texts. Which made me feel really guilty and now I feel cross.
Why I am feeling all this guilt when my mum can go away without a thought of the extra stuff I’ve got to do (visiting, dads washing, letting the plumber into her house) and my brother can just chose to disengage from everything because he can’t cope.


Rant over sorry I just needed to get that off my chest.

Re: I'm cross

Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 10:55 am
by Tracey
((( hugs ))).

Sorry you have an extra work load, i find it always busier this time of yr if you have kids at school anyway with everything going on there.
Got no advice but try not to feel guilty, theres only so many hours in a day, you cant always fit everything in.
xx

Re: I'm cross

Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 11:51 am
by michael parker
Usual story,the more you do,the more they expect.Your brother probably thinks you can cope,because you always do in his eyes.Same problem with my sister.No reason for you to feel guilty,but being a carer, guilt seems to come easy.We find ourselves doing more and more and feeling guilty if there`s something else we could have done.And when we`re asked how things are,we say `fine`.At least we can let off steam on the forum.Deep breath,quick rant,carry on regardless.

Re: I'm cross

Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 12:48 pm
by BertieBear
Why are you feeling guilty? Because you're a carer and it's what we do Image Still, it's not fair on you, especially when others expect you to do the extra that they're not.
Sending (((hugs))) and the scent of fresh books to keep you calm.

Re: I'm cross

Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 1:06 pm
by Myrtle
That's so not fair on you for your brother not to go when you couldn't.
((((((((((((((((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))))))))

Re: I'm cross

Posted: Wed Dec 07, 2011 10:32 pm
by Booksey
and the scent of fresh books to keep you calm.
Image Image

Re: I'm cross

Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 11:59 am
by Limana68
Please try not to feel guilty- I can understand the frustration with other family members that seem to be able to block out caring responsibilities so easy .... I am in the same boat with my brothers. I dont suppose your brother has a partner that needs care too like you have?

Keep ranting!

Hugz xxx

Re: I'm cross

Posted: Sat Dec 10, 2011 6:10 pm
by Melly1
Booksey, it is not your fault that there isn't enough of YOU to go around!! You are doing the very best at dividing your time, and shouldn't feel guilty.

Melly1