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I don't believe it... - Carers UK Forum

I don't believe it...

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
I need to share with you all a little flurry of messages I've just had with a friend.

She wanted to come over tomorrow...I said not a good time, I'm having my hair cut.......She said what about Wednesday....I said not good either, it's my 3 hours of respite I'm going into the bank sort a few things out for mum....she then replied...I work full time I only get two days off a week......

I couldn't reply and still can't bring myself to. That was a couple of hours ago......
I know you all understand....

Maybe this is what's called finding who your true friends are.
Yes, being a carer isn't what other people think at all. No chance to do anything for yourself without a lot of pre planning.
Hello Julia. Welcome
Oh yes, you certainly find out about true friends or not as the case may be!! I've still a couple of reliable stalwarts. Lost others, not missed now and made new friends in similar circumstances.
Feel like the forum users are friends. Wouldn't get through without to be honest. Hope you can consider us such.
Enjoy having your hair done . X
Aww bless you all thank you, I do funnily enough feel a friendship on the forum x
Julia. I've just realised you are not new to the forum. Remember your posts now. How are things apart from 'fairweather friend!?' xx
Hi Julia
Your friend doesn't understand, how can she if she's not a carer herself? Her text might have sounded harsh but what if she'd put, 'Oh that's a shame because...-' before it? Sometimes (actually often) we read words in another 'tone of voice' to the way they were meant. Might it be the case? Give her another chance before you write her off. Damaged friendship isn't always easily mended.
E.
Julia_16011234 wrote:I need to share with you all a little flurry of messages I've just had with a friend.

She wanted to come over tomorrow...I said not a good time, I'm having my hair cut.......She said what about Wednesday....I said not good either, it's my 3 hours of respite I'm going into the bank sort a few things out for mum....she then replied...I work full time I only get two days off a week......

I couldn't reply and still can't bring myself to. That was a couple of hours ago......
I know you all understand....

Maybe this is what's called finding who your true friends are.
I've stopped talking to so many people over the years because I just couldn't listen to another 'woe is me' story about doing a piddling eight hour shift or having to work a weekend every now and again! I used to have a friend who'd come round in the evening after work and, without any hint of irony, would stand in the kitchen drinking wine and talking about how exhausted she was after such a busy day whilst I did batch cooking for the freezer, tidied the garden up, sorted out the laundry and kept going in to check on my boy, having been up since 4am and knowing he'd be up until at least 1am that night! People just don't see caring as work; so many seem to think you're just sat watching telly all day and you just get up to make the odd cup of tea :)

I've moaned endlessly about friends not ringing or popping round (heaven forbid they offer to help) only to be told "well I do work full time". A full time job would be a welcome reduction in hours, lol! Suffice to say I keep myself to myself now, I just couldn't bite my tongue any more or keep explaining to people that looking after someone who needs 24 hour support is actually quite hard work :)
I feel so completely at ease talking to you all, you all understand its lovley,
I'll talk to my mate tomorrow I'll have to explain I only have 3 hours a week off....
Mum on the other hand is good, I'm happy too.
Oh did I say she's started self evacuating!
Yes, if you have three hours respite every week, you work or are "on call" 165 hours a week. Maybe you should use that term for your own working hours?!
Julia_16011234 wrote:I feel so completely at ease talking to you all, you all understand its lovley,
I'll talk to my mate tomorrow I'll have to explain I only have 3 hours a week off....
Mum on the other hand is good, I'm happy too.
Oh did I say she's started self evacuating!
And during that three hours off you were going to the bank for your mum! No time off, always on call, always available. It's very tiring! Glad your mum is doing well (although I don't know what self evacuating is so I don't know if that's good or not! :) ).