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I could really use someone to talk too..at my wits end - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

I could really use someone to talk too..at my wits end

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Hi Sarah, that which you describe was a "Needs Assessment" for your mum.
You ALSO need a "Carers Assessment" which is totally separate and is for you. Don't let them fob you off and say it has already been done.
Ring the Social Services and ask for a "Carers Assessment"
Before you have the meeting make yourself plenty of notes- here are some headings you can make notes under and make sure you discuss them all-on your terms not theirs!

Things I do for gran-sub headings-finance, personal care, medication, entertainment, appointments, gardening, cleaning, shopping, ironing, washing, watching over her, preparing meals, clearing up after meals, helping at meal times with feeding, and anything else that I have forgotten
Then some more headings for you- what have you given up to care fo r Gran?
How this ha staken a toll on your health- with examples, what hobbies you no longer have time for, what you would like to be doing instead (that they may be able to support you with- watching films, education, keep fit classes)
How it is affecting your sleep and mental thinking.
Ask about respite fo ryou as a carer

Can anyone else think of more things for Sarah to prepare notes on before Carers Assessment?
My 94 year old Mum is in a Care home, and I've just had a lovely visit to her. Weve giggled, had a sherry ( or 2!) and been out for lunch. It was really nice and we enjoy our relationship .
Being in a Home is not all bad. It means your relationship can go back to what it was ( although I do still check up on her and how she's being treated, subtley)
You must go to your GP about all your symptoms and if hee tells you to take a break from caring you must take it.
If social services haven't recognised grans problems they soon will do once the Carers that go in see he how difficult and poorly she is and report it back.
Any time you feel "guilty", change it to " feeling sad about the situation" then do what you can to change the situation. If that means crying to SS, or shouting or stamping your foot (metaphorically) then do it. You cannot carry on as you are.
Sarah, I think you may be suffering from what I call Clapped Out Carer Syndrome. You've lost your get up and go. You may not be depressed, but utterly fed up. A holiday for 14 days will start your recovery. Getting away from it all, where you can just eat, sleep, and work out what you really must do in future.
Hopefully while you are away, others will finally realise just how much you have been doing. Listen to your body, you simply CANNOT continue as you are.
Went to see my local gp today who prescribed me diazepam and gave me the phone number for counselling ..I'm hoping that helps in the mean time
Sarah _1607 wrote:Went to see my local gp today who prescribed me diazepam and gave me the phone number for counselling ..I'm hoping that helps in the mean time
Excellent Sarah. Just give both a little time to fully work, and remember to try get some of the other things we suggested into place too, one step at a time
We are here
Just remember that they are a temporary help whilst you get something sorted out. Have you seen a copy of the assessment they did for Nan? Have they done a Carers Assessment for you? You should see a copy of that too.
Things have probably changed over the last ten years, but one problem I had was that my two aunties lived on Merseyside and I lived in North Wales and travelled the 45 miles or so several times a week.

Sefton Borough Council sent me to a Voluntary Sector organisation for the Carers Assessment.

I was always confused whether you applied to the Local Authority where I lived, or to Sefton where my Aunties lived :mad:
Today I really lost it ..
My aunt rang for her usual 20 min call...
I explained that my anxiety has returned and how it's affecting me..how I've been refered for CBT again and I'm back on medication.
She asked what's caused that?
I snapped ..and said what the f do you think has caused it? She said it's just one of them things ..count to ten blah blah..
I'm at the lowest I've been in years ..and she isn't bothered.
She said well at least your sleeping ...
Never mind the fact I live in fear with worrying thoughts daily ..palpitations etc
So I said I'm done and I swear I mean it this time..I said the 21st April is my last day.
You've got a month to sort this out and book flights etc but I'm not prepared to do this to myself ..
I'm a nervous wreck ..do I do this till I'm 41? No kids,no job etc
Whilst my Aunty rings telling me her beloved daughter (my age) is having her second child and lovely holidays ..
No I'm done ..
Something has snapped in me today
Well done Sarah. Your aunt has been taking the P*** for far too long, she is so, so insensitive. Do NOT allow yourself to be brow beaten into continuing caring, because that will undoubtedly be the reason for her visit. The day she comes to the UK, I suggest you leave for a well earned holiday. Turn your phone off. Enjoy yourself.
I've just booked a weekend in Leeds on the 5th may ..spa and shopping.
Something to look forward too ...
It's sad when you realise your family doesn't give a damn about you but what can you do.
I know if my mum was alive today she would be telling me to keep strong..she wouldn't want me to be unwell and upset all the time.
I've just downloaded a dating app (might meet the man of my dreams ha ha )