I am thinking of giving up.

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
When I left work 6 years ago, I thought that the computer would make up for some of the lost 'social contact' through not working - to some extent that was right, I've made some really good friends (many of who I'll probably never meet in person, especially the ones in the US) and of course my wonderful fiance Tony, but I've also seen the negative side of forums.

As Parsifal rightly pointed out, we are all different people coping with different situations - being a carer doesn't necessarily mean you'll agree with every other carer all of the time - that's just not how life works.

However the part of forums that really disturbs me, and I've found this to my cost not only on here but on the forum Tony & I have set up is the lengths that some people will go to antagonise, abuse and bully people who don't agree with them - the ones who do it to your face I can deal with but the petty sneaking around the internet making disgusting insinuations about someone they've never met - now that is frightening and needs to be stamped out.

I stood down as moderating on here soley because of this sort of intimidation - I could 'name and shame' as some of these people are still resident on here but they know what they've done, I don't need to give them any more publicity.

I do know where you are coming from John, I've purposely not posted too much on the open forum because you know within minutes it'll be copied and pasted (not all of it, just the bits that may be used against you) onto another board and again, people you've never met think it's acceptable to make vile remarks about you.

The internet is a great place if used properly, but it's also a hiding place for people who have nothing better to do than make other people's lives a misery.

Paula xx
I have generally found this site to be friendly and welcoming, although there will always be the occasional exception to that. I asked, on another thread, for people to remember that it is easy to give and receive offence. I stand by that.

In any form of social contact there is the danger of "cliques", but on the whole that does not tend to happen here, and I don't see any major issues around that so much. So far this has been a good-humoured and polite debate around something that could have been very contentious, for example.

To clarify my earlier message, we need to try to remember that people who come to this site often do so while under a great deal of stress, and do not deliberately cause offence, or deliberately seek to be offended. Misunderstandings are far easier when using the written word: I may know what I intend to say, but others can only see the words I have written.

Those are the risks we take when we join any forum. But the risk is worth it.
John

Please don't give up, your experience to this forum is so valuable, think of the many people that you have helped, supported and guided through tough times and I'm one of those.

I have had a pretty tough time last few months with Mum and didn't have time nor energy for the forum, but you always keep in touch making sure that I'm alright along with a few others who know who they are, not forgetting our Paula who even without her PC snail mailed me. This forum like any other will always go through periods of ups and downs, its how we cope with the downs that makes us all stronger, just like in our different situation and caring roles.

I do hope that you and Pat are well, thinking of you both...

Take care
Much love Maryann x
John your post made me feel so sad that you should feel that you cannot express yourself freely, within reason, surely forums like these should be a sanctuary and offer moral support for Carers, and as for Cliques Image Image Image I hate them and wil talk to any Carer on any forum.

Please keep posting when you can!
Take Care
Lola
John, Ken and Wendy, I agree with so much of what you have said.

Parsifal also, on feeling uncomfortable and perhaps not posting to offer support in case some people take offence where it is not meant.

This board should be for the support of carers and have a welcoming feel to it for new people.
It should not be a place to complain about other carers and other carer boards, which gives a very negative impression of all carer boards.

To all the carers who are here for all the carers, keep up the good work. especially you, John,
All that would be fine in a perfect world myrtle, so where do the carers go who need support who are being abused, threatened, defamed, insulted and harrassed? or do not those carers deserve support and help??

Tony Image
Of course they do, all carers need not to be defamed, harrassed, threatened or insulted.
We get enough of that from the government departments we have to deal with.

Which is why I think that complaints between carer boards should be between those people and done privately.
As I said, it makes ALL carer boards look bad.
All i can say myrtle is that i pray it never happens to you, if it had then maybe you would understand how myself and paula feel.

Tony
Actually, it has.

I found the best way to deal with it was to ignore the guilty parties, as if you stop responding, so do they.
Sadly myrtle i wish it were that simple, i am glad that it stopped for you but in paulas and my case we have tried that, we do not reply to these attacks but they still continue and have got worse, these people think that because it is over the internet then they are not breaking any LAWS but they are, they need to be very careful, people who get involved with these individuals could find themselves in serious troubleUnder Section 1 of the Malicious Communications Act 1998 it is an offence to send an indecent, offensive or threatening letter, electronic communication or other article to another person and under Section 43 of the Telecommunications Act 1984 it is a similar offence to send a telephone message which is indecent offensive or threatening. In both cases the offence is punishable with up to six months imprisonment and/or a fine of up to £5000. Because the Malicious Communications Offence is more wide ranging than the Telecommunications offence it is more likely to be used by the Police than the Telecommunications Act offence.

In most cases involving malicious communications or cyberstalking however there will be more than one offensive or threatening letter or telephone call and therefore the police will often choose to charge the offender with an offence contrary to either Section 2 of the Protection from Harassment Act 1997 also punishable with up to six months imprisonment. Part of the reason for using this charge is that when someone is convicted of an offence under the Protection from Harassment Act 1997 the court can make a Restraining Order preventing them from contacting their victim again. Breach of a Restraining Order is punishable with up to Five years imprisonment. A Restraining Order cannot be imposed for a conviction under the Malicious Communications or Telecommunications Acts.

If the e-mails, cyberstalking etc. causes the victim to fear that violence will be used against them then the police can choose to charge the offender with an offence contrary to Section 4 of the Protection from Harassment Act 1997 which is punishable with up to five years imprisonment and also allows the court to make a Restraining Order.

Internet harrassment and abuse is very serious, dont you think people who abuse and threaten and harrass others on the internet intentionally should be punished myrtle?? many people have sadly been driven to suicide by online harrassment, it is not a victimless crime.

Tony Image Image