I am thinking of giving up.

[Guest]

Hi
Am i the only one that feels we now have to be so careful in what we say on this forum?.
I sometimes think is it worth it.
I not only have to use my spell checker i have to psychoanalyze everything i put down in my posting's.
I am afraid of offending someone we either say something and get corrected.
There seems to be people picking on other carer's and nobody needs that.
I got a few thing's wrong last week and was corrected i don't mind that ie got gender wrong calling her him but that was cleared up we have people saying other post's are being sarcastic or saying that they are annoying people.
I think if someone new comes on here they will be frightened off.
I have been trying to mediate with another site and trying to keep the peace i have had some nice emails thanking me for trying other PM's telling me i am wasting my time so i am thinking of just giving up.
You could at one time post on this site and you would get a friendly reception now if you say a word wrong you are jumped on and i don't mean by the moderators who i think do a good job or by the staff but by your fellow members who seem to put more energy in to finding fault with each other than trying to help each other.
I think when we post we must think of others but we cant always get it right so please think before you think we have offended you most of us are not doing it on purpose.
Please let there be some form of understanding before this all get's out of hand.
Kind regards John

[rosemary]

John,

I truly hope you dont give up.You always welcome everyone and the experiences that yourself and Pat share have helped so many.You have achieved something else online that not many do and that is get respect.I know you have mine.I have watched you time and time again try your best for so many others.
We all chose our own paths John,the direction we take regarding all these issues regarding carers.Just carry on doing as you have always,being welcoming and supportive to all.

Love to you and Pat
Rosemary
x x x x

.

[Guest]

For years I have always loved to post on CUK and it felt almost like coming home but recently I feel there has been a change.

Now, I actually feel unwanted and I know that I am not the only one that feels the same way, because other carers have shared their feelings with me, and some have already left.
I feel as though it is like treading on egg shells because I have to be so careful of what I post. There are members who use lots of different names in other forums and who come into CUK and they are waiting to pounce at the slightest mistake that is made. Actually, I will look forward to their response to this posting and I will reply to all their user names.
In my opinion there appears to be a clique and you are either in it or if not then you are an outcast. They appear to be shouting that their websites are the best ones for carers to use and not the CUK. So why are they here?
Recently we had a most upsetting posting about another carer posted on CUK and this was rightly removed, but we must remember that the person is hurting and probably the person they mentioned is angry and hurting for some unknown reason.
Anger on this board seems prevalent and although some may say that is right for a carers’ forum, I see no such anger on PRTC. They appear warm and welcoming to all members.
Of course total agreement may never be reached because we are a discussion forum but these thoughts should be able to take place openly with respect and care shown to all persons.
We should listen to one another and not be quick to turn or ridicule another person. Why not give a little praise or a thank you to someone for taking the time to inform us of some useful information. This should be the same for people that we do not like as the ones that we do and not just for the few chosen ones. To decide not to reply to a post because you do not like the person who started it in my opinion seems petty. Goodness me, we have never met and life is difficult enough as it is.

No doubt you will find my words offensive but I feel sad to see such an angry atmosphere on a forum. I feel almost afraid to post anything, so if I do, how many more people feel the same way? I think of you as friends and it is a shock to see so much shouting about who has the best website. Who cares? I am certainly no better than any of you and I want to learn, I want to know how we can help each other.

CUK is unique and should be a haven for carers if it is to fulfil its purpose. It should remain steadfast and true fighting for better conditions for members, and not the members fighting each other.

If you do not agree with my thoughts then I will admit I am wrong, and I will say the forum is a happy place and I will leave. But I still say there is an atmosphere of fear and ridicule.

All praise must be given to Rosemary and Charles, who work extremely hard and have difficult decisions to make, and often without any thanks or praise. They have a difficult task on a rocky ship, and they have humour and empathy for all carers.
Thanks to Matt and Gavin, but I have purposely not mentioned them, because this is about atmosphere and not the way the forum is run. Indeed it is what we as members make of it.

Wendy

[Guest]

Please don't give up, John, there is nothing that you have said to cause offence. To what extent do we have to exercise self-censorship, to the extent where we no longer have anything to say? I think we should carry on as normal, I think that intent is what matters, if there was clearly no intent to offend we have done nothing wrong. And I think that if any individual takes offence they should refer it to Gavin or Matt and let them arbitrate.

Sorry, Wendy, I was delayed in posting. I don't recognise your description of this board, on the whole it's a harmonious place where people , old and new members alike, support each other and share information and humour, etc. the problems referred to by John are recent.

I think that what we all need to appreciate is that we're all different, from different backgrounds and are dealing with different situations so it's inevitable that we'll have different points of view, most people try to express those points of view politely without shouting, if we can't accept other people's points of view without feeling offended then we'll never be happy using a board like this.

I intend to continue posting as normal, despite the fact that I too felt uncomfortable expressing an opinion or even starting what I believed was an innocuous discussion, and I hope that everyone else will too, this will blow over.

Annie

[cheryl1967]

Please don't give up John. I'm a newbie here. Only been here a couple of weeks. I have found this site supporting and informative. It takes all sorts in this world. I don't mean to sound patronising. Let it go over your head. As my lovely Mum used to say don't cut your nose off to spite your face.
It's sad when I read posts like yours. We are all in the same boat I presume. That's why we are here.
Take care John. Hope to read many more of your posts in the future.

Cheryl xx

[Guest]

Dear john: Please do not give up posting from this site, there are people out there who would like that, please dont give them the satisfaction, you have so much to offer, yours and pats experiences are invaluable to others.
Like others have said, we should all be able to express our views, we should not have to worry or fear what is going to happen to us if we do not agree with someone elses point of view, some people dont want us to have our own opinions, dont let them win.
Myself and paula have thought about giving up many times because of the continual abuse, threats, intimidation from others, but decided long ago not to allow these bullies to win, some terrible things have been said about us because we will not bow to these bullies, if we all stand together then these people will not win, stay strong john, you are a good person, keep posting.

Tony

[kenm]

Hi John

No you are not alone in thinking as you do.

I have had warnings about being disrespectful in some of my posts, I was brought up to always be respectful and I have yet to be shown the posts that were considered disrespectful.
Even in this thread where you plead for harmony we get a post that literally sticks two fingers up at the rest of us and attacks other people.
Carers sites should be about caring, made up of carers helping and supporting each other, not about who runs the best forum.
There never will be a perfect forum for everybody, human nature is such that there will always be disagreements. Most adults can agree to disagree and move on, the few who are incapable of that and resort to personal abuse and attacks on fellow carers are the ones who spoil things for everybody.

I hope you decide to stay on the board John, because although I don’t always agree with you, I have always found you to be reasonable, approachable and helpful.

All the best --Ken

[Guest]

Is someone saying that my post is offensive to someone? If so let me know.

Tony

[krys]

to john and ken

i am thinking about you,
please try and keep up,
there are some good people on here.

love and hugs
krys
xx

[Guest]

John,
I agree with your post and please forgive me for putting my bit on after yours.
I had spent ages thinking it out and I took the liberty of adding it to yours, as you had said many things that I was thinking.
I hope you will stay and I hope that what you have written will do some good.
all best wishes
Wendy