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I am raging!! - Carers UK Forum

I am raging!!

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I've just got home from a shopping trip with DD. She has special needs (as regulars will know! Image ) and she goes off on her own for a while and we meet up later. Anyway, I was in a charity shop and 2 staff members were talking. One was the manager and the other a volunteer I think.

Anyway, one of them was talking about a customer who'd been in and bought some stuff and I won't go into detail but they were describing how she behaved and doesn't know about her change etc. She wasn't making fun of her as such but she was making out how tiresome she is and almost like they dread her coming in the shop. Then the woman said "talk of the devil" just as I caught sight of DD sitting on the bench outside. I said "that's my daughter you're talking about. I've heard everything you've said and I would have expected THIS charity to have understood about people like my DD." I just fled the shop.

I felt sick to the stomach and SO angry, because she spends a lot of money in there and the worst part of it is, the charity shop is for a charity for special needs people. Image

I got outside, cried all the way home with DD thinking I was cross with her! Image To tell the truth I could just lock myself away and cry all day but I have to go out tonight (bought ticket ages ago) and my eyes are "just" concealable enough. I also have to take my elderly Mum to hospital tomorrow which involves a full day so I cannot even let myself explode tomorrow.

I drove home thinking I was going to ring their Head Office & complain but I can't even speak clearly, I'm that mad! Image I think I'd better leave it until Thurs and maybe write a letter because it has really affected me badly.

I'm sure some of you will think I'm a bit daft to get so stressed out but I would appreciate it if anybody could tell me how to word my letter because I want to get it right. Or would you just let it drop and not bother writing? Image Thanks.
I certainly wouldn't let it drop.

You might want to start by using your post here as your starting point - it says most of what's needed.

Give 'em hell.
I think anyone who contributes to this Penny can only speak for themselves and not actually tell you what you should be doing.

Personally though, I would be contacting both their Head Office and send a copy of it direct to the manager of the shop too.To be honest, whilst reading your post I felt so angry on your behalf that I was going to suggest contact your local paper too but then realised that would maybe have a real bad negative affect long term for a shop that is supposed to be raising funds for your charity.

I hope you can pull yourself round to go out and enjoy yourself.Try let go of your anger though Penny.They were at fault,not you or DD. Channel your anger in to a constructive action, if you decide to go ahead with your complaint.
I would most certainly write, I would be calm and polite, i.e. leave it a couple of days until your anger has worn off, but explain exactly how distressing you found it just as you have here and I would make sure that the charity concerned is aware of how much your daughter has supported it through her purchases, it looks as though their staff need some disability awareness training. I would feel mortified if any shop or other service talked about me or my husband in a way that singled us out as different, your anger and distress is easy to understand.
I would certainly complain to head office, tbh I would want to know what those people are doing working there, volunteers or not.
Aw (((hugs))) what an upsetting experience for you - they should have known better and quite clearly need some training.

I came across something similar a few years ago and just as you are was very upset/angry.
I had too much on as OH was in hospital so contacted Epilepsy Scotland, raised the issues and set them on it instead.

They dealt with it well and offered to go into the place and give some training!

Maybe an idea - if you don't want to deal directly. Image

marie x
You have an absolute right to be enraged. Anyone knowing the situation would be enraged as well.

I would definitely write a letter to the charity. They would absolutely want to know about behaviour like this going on. You can bet if the two "hens" you heard talking to each other out loud said those things about your daughter they are doing the same to other people as well. So do it for yourself to get the anger it - and also to protect everyone else who falls victim to them.
I'm so sorry to hear your story, Penny. I would be very upset, too. .......and then would turn to anger. Rosemary is right in what she says about letting go of the anger. It won't do you any good, but getting in a positive frame of mind and constructing a good letter, along the lines of what you've written here, as others have said.
Once I was in a local charity shop and heard the Staff talking about a lady who had just been in. I realised she was someone I knew, who was in my son's Unit. I explained her circumstances and the Staff was full of apologies as they hadn't realised - they thought that maybe she was drunk!!!! Sometimes it is ignorance and training is needed!
The best of luck with your complaint = I hope that it does some good Image
Do deep breathing exercises and have a cuppa of whatever you fancy and try and think of something funny - and get into positive mode! xx
So sorry penny and you have every right to be angry.
I would definately complain, once you have calmed down a little.
keep it polite and keep it factual, but also explain how extremely distressing this was for you.
often it is ignorance (when oh was mobile but showing symptoms he often used to stagger and a passerby once commented to me 'look at that disgusting drunk! Hopefully she was a bit more compassionate towards the next 'drunk'.)
There was never a truer saying as, "Ignorance should be pitied and not criticised."

I really feel for you Penny, and the way the ignorant comments of these people who are trying to raise money for a worthy cause behaved towards you and your loved one.

I am a peaceful chilled out person, and I hate confrontation, but this kind of injustice and ignorance make my blood boil & I can give as good as I get.

They obviously have a compassion, patience & empathy by-pass, probably robots with no emotion or tact.

I personally think you should complain, and make the powers that be aware of how the incident made you and your loved one feel.

Isn't it enough that you and your loved one have to overcome so much, and then have some crass morons shooting off their mouths. Image Image Image Image