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husband suicide attempt - how do i cope?! - Carers UK Forum

husband suicide attempt - how do i cope?!

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VENT warning....!

I have written a lot about my husbands illnesses, both physical and mental. last week was the worst of my life it was just awful. i am just numb today and feel like i have just had enough of all this, its so hard dealing with him, his family and his ex. He has been in hospital since last wednesday.

I went out to deliver a painting tuesday before last, which i never usually go out and leave him. when i got back about an hour later he was gone. i knew this wasnt good it just felt wrong. I turned out to be right, he was found the next day after an extensive police search. He had hidden under some bushes and shrubs about 3 miles away having taken a massive overdose. he was barely alive.that night i went through every emotion as the hours went by. was a long long night.

He has made a physical recovery and is now in a psychiatric ward for assessment. I hope they will help him but its such an uphill struggle to get it and i am not sure i have the energy for the fight. i need the break i have to say. i feel so unsure about my feelings for him, he has caused me so much pain i am not sure if i feel scared to love him as the more i love him the more it hurts, if that makes sense.but where does that leave me? I am devastated.
Hi there,

You must get help for yourself right now. Is there a carers group at the hopital that your husband is in? I am sure if you tap carers help or group with the area that you live in, into your computer you should find help for you. Your husband is in the right place now,where his needs and treatments will sorted out.

There is so much help out there today its just looking and asking for help.No one will turn you away,without people like you to look after a family member when needed.
We still love the person,not what they have become.

I pray for you at this Easter time,you will come through you have to for you.
Take care Sonia xxx
In these circumstances I am sure that I would feel terribly hurt and rejected, guilty because I was not there at the time and unable to stop it happening and also resentful that my feelings and the impact on my life had not been considered. I would also realise that when someone gets to the stage where they make a serious suicide attempt their normal judgement, sensitivity to others' feelings, etc. are suspended and that I should not take it personally.

I agree that you would probably benefit from finding support for yourself and I also wonder whether there is a family support group locally for the families of people with mental health problems where you would be with people who have shared your experience, if the hospital does not have one some local carers organisations have meetings for specific groups, including the carers of those with mental illness.

I often think that trying to deal with mental illness rather than physical illness or disability is particularly hard, it is less tangible and obvious to other people and there is a terrible lack of awareness and stigma associated with mental illness which can be very isolating, I wish that I could help more, perhaps just knowing that your post has been read and people care will help with the despair and awful emotions you must be feeling, I hope so,

Annie
Hi Superwifey

How terrible for you - as Sonia says, right now you need to get help and support for yourself. I've just 'googled' suicide support for families and found that there are a number of organisations out there that support people in just your position - and, of course, you can ring The Samaritans for help and advice.

Hope all of this soon becomes just a bad memory.

susieq
So sorry to read this Superwifey and your feelings sound perfectly normal to me. I agree with the others, you DO need support yourself. I think if it was me I would first of all ring the hospital he's in because there must be many, many others like you and they'll have had to direct them somewhere. I also think it's good if you can get help locally.

Try and get plenty of rest while you know he's in safe hands and come on here and rant any time you like because we're always here!
I am so sorry to hear about your hubby...

It is totally understandable how you feel. Take a good rest and get some support from Carers Service.

Thinking of you both.

Take care.
Sorry to hear about your OH superwifie, and hope you find the support you need.

Take care
Meg
i certainly understand how you arwe feeling at this time, as my partner has done the same thing quite a few times. it is hard to understand why and you do feel guilty for not knowing that it was going to happen, you do need to relax and get as much help as possiable. if there is not a carers group near you there will certainly people on here who will understand and help

take care of yourself as he will need you strong when he comes out.
Have just heard they are sending him home.

He has still got the Norovirus he picked up on the ward and so they have been unable to assess him but they are still sending him home. They have not reassessed his meds or spoken to him at all.
This cant be right can it?
I am scared to have him home like this and I dont feel up to it to be honest. He is in a right state and nothing has changed.

Now I feel hopeless and helpless on top of all the rest.

I have contacted the local carers group so i hope thats a step in the right direction. His bipolar is so rapid cycling I never know from one hour to the next if i can leave him or not but i feel that now I have to break away from him a bit. His family is a nightmare too, his Mother especially as she has mental health issues herself. she even thumped me in the head in hospital saying it was my fault as I wasnt watching him. I am close to saying no more, I cant do this anymore but I need help to cope right now. I dont want to do anything rash as he is so lovely and when he is well we make a great team. Its so hard and I feel drained.

thanx for your help and kindness xxx
i feel for you on this as i feel it is not right to send him home if he has not be reassessed and his meds checked. his he got a care team in place?? maybe a call to them could help you or at least advice you. hope this helps