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Husband can't come home from hospital - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Husband can't come home from hospital

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Thanks, everyone, for your replies and words of wisdom! I think we are making some "progress" today. They've had a meeting at the hospital and decided there's no way he can come home at the moment. Apparently, the other hoist they were thinking of would protrude over the doorway, forming a tripping hazard, so wouldn't be allowed. They've also spoken to the care firm and explained exactly how much care he would need and that the bed would have to be moved out and back at each visit and the care firm have said it would be too much for their carers, so they won't be able to help. (Also, they still haven't solved how to get him into the house!) He's been referred to the Complex Discharge Team, who are going to see him tomorrow, with a view to "persuading" him to go to rehab. If he still refuses, they're going to do a capacity assessment. I have to admit to feeling somewhat relieved that they're the ones having to make the decisions because I'm sure he's going to object very strongly!
Yes, none of the reasons for not sending him home are of your making.
His weight is really the biggest issue, something he has to take responsibility for.
Has anyone mentioned NHS Continuing Healthcare to you? If not, do some research, look for the CHC Checklist Assessment to start with, and do your own score of his current state.
Thanks, bowlingbun. I don't hold out much hope of him ever losing much more weight - at one time he weighed 28 stone, has been as "low" as 20 stone and is currently around 21 stone, but he's not sufficiently active and he eats too much to lose any more.

Yes, I've researched NHS Continuing Health Care and I reckon he would currently score at least 2 As and 4 Bs, which would make him eligible. Of course, that could all change if he would agree to rehab. He phoned me this morning while the Discharge Planning sister was with him and accused me and the hospital of conspiring to stop him from coming home. He let me speak to the sister and she said he was still refusing to go. I said I'd been told that, if that was the case, then he would have a capacity assessment, but she said he obviously has capacity. So, I told her about some of the strange phone conversations we'd been having: for example, they have discos on the ward (apparently, they had one yesterday) and there's a woman a couple of bays down who has a police officer following her everywhere (although how he could see that, I don't know!)

A little while later, he phoned again and said, "OK, you've won" but wouldn't explain how and then he hung up. I haven't heard any more since then, so I still don't know what's happening.
He will blame anyone and everyone but himself I'm afraid, but you are not to blame at all for the current situation, unless you chose the house deliberately so that a stretcher with an obese husband couldn't use it years in the future?!?!
Do your children still live with you? Have you talked to them about what is happening?
You're absolutely right, he never takes responsibility for his actions and nothing is ever his fault!

Yes, our son and daughter both still live with us (both boomerangs!) and they both have as little to do with him as possible because of his attitude. I have talked to them both (separately, as they don't speak to one another and that's another story!) about the situation and they both agree that he should be going into rehab. My son is particularly understanding of the situation and feels very strongly that his father has brought a lot of this on himself by taking no notice of advice he's been given in the past by medical professionals. He has really lost patience with him. My daughter never had any patience to start with! She is a very different kettle of fish. She has what I am sure is an undiagnosed personality disorder (tending towards narcissistic) and has clashed with her father for years (they're far too similar to get on!) I find myself permanently walking on eggshells, trying to steer a path between all three of them.
Hopefully with dad in rehab life at home may be easier. Make sure you don't waste the opportunity for rest, peace and quiet. Unless he does something positive, he can never come home again.
Yes, life is already easier at home and I haven't been doing very much at all since he went into hospital - haven't been able to concentrate or settle to anything! Maybe when something's settled (probably not until after the bank holiday) I'll be able to get going again.
It will take more than a few days I expect. Think of it as a period of"treading water" and be sure to take advantage of a quieter life! When did you last stay in bed and read a book? Has an early night, a long soak in the bath? Take a long walk in the country? Pamper yourself, have a cut as colour at the hairdresser or similar.
It's hard to change and relax after years of being tense. You deserve some me time. Keep telling yourself that
Well, so much for "You've won"! I think we're back to square one. He's phoned several (more than a few!) times over the weekend and is back to insisting that he's not going into rehab. He's done a fair amount of ranting and he keeps asking me to explain why he can't come home. When I try to explain it all again (and again), he comes up with "solutions" at every stage. When I tell him they can't get him into the house he says, "Well, put in a patio door" and "You could cut the tree down". I asked him which tree he was talking about and he said, "The one by the front door that's in the way". There is no tree by the front door and he wouldn't be able to use the front door anyway, as there's a tight, 90 degree angle to turn through to get into the house. He rang me at 10 o'clock last night and told me he was going to walk through his own door into his own house and until he can do that he's going to stay where he is! In between all the ranting, he still seems to be very confused. Apparently, they were having a pantomime cum show in the hospital yesterday - he didn't know what it was or whereabouts, but it was somewhere in the hospital. Once, he rang me to tell me he couldn't find his phone charger - don't know what he expected me to do about it. Then he phoned me to tell me he'd found it but what was the "big thing" I'd sent in with his latest supply of drinks, etc. (It was the charger for his shaver.) He's also been very tearful at times, saying that it's not just for rehab, it's going to be for the rest of his life. I keep trying to explain that rehab will help him get back on his feet (literally) and able to walk again and that's what he needs to do in order to be able to come home. He won't accept it.

If he did agree last Thursday that he would go to rehab, would they just have taken his word for it, or would he have had to sign to say he agreed? I'm concerned that he's going to say that he didn't agree at all. At what stage does a decision "in his best interest" come into play? I'm hoping to be able to speak to someone "sensible" from the hospital tomorrow, but I'm not holding my breath for a positive outcome.