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Been away for a long time and just wanted to say hi! - Carers UK Forum

Been away for a long time and just wanted to say hi!

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Hi guys,

I've been away from the group forums for several months now. Had so much going on and been very depressed, so kind of became a bit of a recluse online and IRL. Be nice to know how everyone is doing?

For me at the moment, my hubby is currently in hospital again and I'm not coping too well to be honest.

Jess x
Good to hear back from you. What's happening with your husband?
Hi Jess
Been thinking about you a lot. Sorry to hear hubby is in hospital again. Does that leave you feeling a bit bereft?I know when we are caring a lot it seems for it to stop, but sometimes when it does stop its a bit like hitting brick wall, sometimes of inertia?

How's the new area working out for you?

Don't be a stranger now
Thanks Rosemary and MrsA. It's lovely to be welcomed back :)

My husband had to have a hip replacement a few weeks ago (at the Grand old agenof 33!) and 2 weeks after it was done he got very ill and has now been in hospital for nearly 4 weeks with a rare, rather aggressive infection. There have been all sorts of problems with his care and I had to make complaints to the divisional matron and his consultant. His care seems to have improved now, but was very stressful.

It does leave you feeling a bit bereft. I go into the hospital every day for a few hours so I see him, but it's so different not having him at home with a million things to do!
My goodness Jess.
It's stressful enough to have someone undergo major surgery, let alone deal with multiple complaints too. I'm hoping a lot of what you learned here would have helped, but it is draining isn't it?

So, now, what about you? What are you doing for yourself now that you can breathe again for a bit. Have you put a few little treats in place, a change of scene, a social get together with friends or family?

Don't beat yourself up on the depression or eating. We all need crutch when in trouble, you'll be ready to put those crutches away as the situation levels out again.

To soothe me I'm finding some meditation on an app called Insight timer useful. Even 10 minutes a day is working, done regularly

Meanwhile here's a big forum (((((hug))))) cos you've been though a bad time, and are now coming out of it, survived!
Hi Jess,
Good to hear from you, though sorry life is still so tough. You've been given some good advice re looking after yourself.

Are the hospital able to save the new joint or are they going to remove it and replace again? I had my first hip replacement at age 30 and it wasn't straight forward, but is going strong 21 years later. ( I had the other done in my mid 40s and that was straightforward.)

Hi everyone,

Sorry been away for a long time again . My husband is still in hospital and it's been crazy. He has a highly drug resistant infection that has spread throughout his body. I'm a mess at the moment as had a rather frank discussion with his consultant last week and he said I needed to be prepared for the possibility of him not coming through this and things like multiple organ failure.

I am still smiling with him and everything, but when I'm on my own I am not coping at all.

I am sorry I have been away for so long and then just post bad news.
I'm in similar situation with dad -like a bad dream. I found out the hospital chaplaincy provides help and support to all regardless of religion of faith. I haven't contacted them yet but I might. Would you consider finding out a bit more about what help is available in your hospital.
Hi Jess
Always pleased to hear from you, we are used to bad news on here and worry so when we don't hear from people.
So sorry you are still going through tough times. That is a long time for hubby to be so ill, you must be exhausted, mentally and physically.

Please use whatever help you can find, as Shaun says the hospital may have resources or you could try the local hospice. Often they have support for the relatives as well as the patient.

Try to look after yourself as best you can, you are runing marathons over and over so be kind to your body and your mind

Is there anything we can do.? We have good researchers on here and lots of varied experiences


Thanks for your responses and sorry for my slow reply. It's still a bit chaotic. He has, however, turned a corner in the past couple of weeks and seems to be slowly improving - fingers crossed etc. But I daren't hope too much because something always seems to come along and set him back. And he is still struggling massively with extreme pain and his infection isn't gone yet. It doesn't seem to be spreading though - touch wood - which was the fear.

I did investigate the chaplaincy. We are not religious - both atheists - but they said it was for people of no faith too, so thought it might be good for him to have someone to chat to who wasn't family (so he could say things he maybe things would upset us). Some pastoral care really. Unfortunately, it didn't go too well, the vicar came and just kept saying how she would pray for him and did he believe in god etc. So that didn't work. He's had the mental health liaison team to see him a couple of times during his stay as he is struggling with his depression having been in so long. They upped his anti depressants, but he can't access other services as an inpatient.

They have discussed getting him home for some respite in the next few weeks. But, as much as I want him home, even for a short while, I am petrified something urgent would happen whilst he is home. Especially since things like sepsis have occurred whilst an inpatient (his temperature went up to 40.5 at one point!). They can arrange an IV team to come to do his meds/antibiotics and the district nursing team etc, but he needs so much assistance (like 2-3 physios to do transfers, sometimes even a hoist) I don't even know where to begin sorting things out.

Can people be given/lent the specialist motorised beds like they have in hospital to use at home? I'm thinking we'd have to have him downstairs (even though we have a stairlift I don't think he could manage the transfer into it and the hallway at the top etc).

Another discussion with his consultant today, so will be asking a million questions!

Jess x