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How would you deal with this ? - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

How would you deal with this ?

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Still worth looking into some support so you get a break
I agree with tracie
xx
two things you can do 1 , as I have said do nothing and carry on or 2, stop caring and get the so called professionals in ...
George, with respect, that is hardly helpful advice for someone who is doing their best in very difficult circumstances.

Pluto, your mother has clearly always been difficult and is unlikely to change now. All you can change is your reaction to her. I certainly would not act as her whipping boy and allow her to disrespect you. I think tough love is called for here. And yes, regular breaks and only short visits to her are the name of the game. Not easy but tomorrow is another day ...
I fully agree with George, It's sadly what Caring is all about. That behaviour is (sadly sometimes) as much part of their condition as the physical stuff.

As George says, Do nothing, and carry on Caring, or just stop and get the so called professionals in.

Caring ain't easy, it's blood hard! Yet you know deep down nobody could/would do it as well as you do. Try to keep your chin up.
Jimbo and George, your replies interest me, I posted due to pure frustration at my situation, your posts are your opinions and I expected differing ways but your posts are not of the supportive nature you would expect on a site for helping caring for others, if I was new to all this, your responses would have made me run a mile not just from this site but from my caring role.

I have often have said to people to join this site, not any more, your responses would not benefit people in need of a bit of support at times of need. I would suggest if your responses were not of a supportive nature that you refrain from posting to save pushing more people away.

Thank you for the supportive posts, I am in the process of arranging a much needed break.
Good to hear you are sorting out a break

I still would ring social services and get some support
I have been posting on this site for many years, I have many friends on it, and been a Carer for even longer than, a member of this Forum. My point is this if you Care you Care, you take the good and the bad, sometimes it gets you down and you get sad, angry, frustrated etc., but you still Care, because (in my case I love my Jan), and as I have said many time in the past, I'm the best one to Care for her, now-one could do it better than me. I get to spend 24/7 looking after the person I love. It's not always a bed of roses but it's what I do.
What you describe Pluto is indicative of how a lot of carers feel, I myself have been at that point. Varying advice has been given, take a well earned break if you are able, contact social services to see if there is any extra help you can get, give up on caring, carry on caring, if your option is to carry on caring then the frustration you have is going to be a part of your life, this I know from experience and it's not easy to cope with.
Dear Pluto

if you don't live with your mother,and if she lives in sheltered accommodation, and if she is so foul to you, why on earth are you still having anything more to do with her? I mean this quite seriously. You've already said that no one else inthe family likes her, or is prepared to put up with her because of her vile nature, so why are you putting up with it?Did she train you as a child to endure her abusive behaviour towards you? Parents do program us - I was programmed to feel intensely sorry for my very hard-done-by (in her opinion!) mother, and to protect her and look after her and compensate her for her unhappy marriage (etc etc) and so I do know how incredibly hard it is to break that programming as the guilt that is the result can be utterly crippling (she programmed in guilt in order to keep us in line, my brother and me).

So I have to say what struck me from your post is that I can't see the slightest reason for you to go anywhere near the vicious old bat! Leave her be to stew in her own juice! Just walk away. Change your phone number if necessary, and let the authorities take care of her.

Honestly, I mean this quite seriously. You've had enough of her. Break the programme she's set running in your head since a child (since that is the only explanation I can come up with for why you are still enduring what she is handing out), and take your own life back into your own hands, and live YOUR life - not hers!

We sow what we reap in life, and she has sown a situation in which she has made her daughter loathe her company.....let her now reap being abandoned by the daughter she's treating so badly.

All strength to you, and just leave her to stew. She deserves it. You don't!

Best, Jenny.