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How To Help? -Carers UK Forum

How To Help?

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Hello.

My partner of 1year suffers from Depression. We had some issues a few months ago and arguments about things and living together got quite bad that I went as far as moving out. Its then that she was brave and sought help again. I moved back in and we went to the doc's together and she was prescribed tablets for her depression.

Since she has been on the tablets she seems to have good weeks but also bad days where she feels useless, doesnt want to do anything and feels guilty about it. She can only really talk to me as her family are a bit dismissive of Depression.

Sometimes I just find it tough to know what to say/do and how to hell and she feels guilty for putting her needs on me. Sometimes I do feel drained myself and worry that even I may become depressed, sounds silly but sometimes I need to somehow re-charge!!

Im just not sure what to do when all I seem to be able to do is sit and listen to her and things like "its ok" ect, I also worry about saying the wrong thing so sometimes end up not saying anything. I feel I should be doing more....... Any help or advice on how to help her is greatly appreciated.
Anti-depressive medication works best when accompanied with some form of therapy,cognitive behavioural therapy being the most effective at the moment.Your GP will be able to arrange this though you will probably have to wait some time to see somebody.There are no easy answers,and as for yourself,using Carers UK should help alleviate your stresses a little and i`m sure others will have more about this to say than i have.Good luck,at least you are both trying. Image Image
For myself,having suffered depression,on and off over the years,and caring for a parent who suffers periodic bouts of depression too,I can only speak as I find.In MY case,and everyone is very different,I avoid medication at all costs.ITS NOT FOR ME.I hope it never comes to having to take medication for depression either.I use therapies such as music,relaxation,reflexology,long walks,reading etc.
I avoid medication at all costs.ITS NOT FOR ME.I hope it never comes to having to take medication for depression either.I use therapies such as music,relaxation,reflexology,long walks,reading etc.
Hi and thanks Maxi,

My partner is the same and never wanted to on to medication for this and she had tried most of what you mentioned to control it that way, she hates knowing that it will be part of her routine for 2 years. She tends to keep herself busy which she says takes her mind of things, Id like her to try and relax but she says she "feels" like she needs to be doing something. I've suggested that meditation might be worth a try but she always seems to have something else to do first, I think im going to have to put her in a room, and lock the door and tell her to try one of your suggestions before I let her out?!!

You wrote that you use "relaxtion" is that a technique or did you mean you did it by using the other techniques you listed?
Sometimes I do feel drained myself and worry that even I may become depressed,
I get this too (my hubby suffers with depression) I often wonder if its infectious Image

I try to get out of the house and away for a while otherwise I find myself getting sucked in
Sometimes, just having someone to listen to you can be a big help - even if you want to talk about the most boring thing known to man.

It doesn't always have to be an attempt to "make everything better" either. Just listen to whatever she chooses to talk about and give hugs - if she's okay with hugs. That can be better than trying to find a cure.
if she's okay with hugs. That can be better than trying to find a cure.
Thanks, she loves hugs and cuddles.
Sometimes, just having someone to listen to you can be a big help - even if you want to talk about the most boring thing known to man.

It doesn't always have to be an attempt to "make everything better" either. Just listen to whatever she chooses to talk about and give hugs - if she's okay with hugs. That can be better than trying to find a cure.
This is very good advice..my friend went thr a very bad time with her depression, but it was having someone there 24/ with the talks and hugs and sometimes just some silliness if shes up to it helps. x
Hi there
My hubby suffers badly from depression,due to his neurological disorder so know how you are feeling, it does get frustrating though, but I just have to keep telling myself its not his fault, and like someone else said take lots of breaks , even for an hour( I take my doggies out), its not easy but if you love each other you will get through this, and keep coming on here, it does help to know you are not alone in feeling like this!
XX
Thanks, shes having a tough couple of days at the moment. I cooked her dinner, tidied around the house and ran her a bath last night so she could have an hour relaxing last night on the internet, shes also started reading a book about depression that she says is really good, I'll try and get the name off it.

She's a little worried as the doc doubled the dosage yesterday from 20mg to 40mg and its the first day of that today.

Thanks for all your advice and help guys.