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Do Not Think I Can Take This Much Longer - Carers UK Forum

Do Not Think I Can Take This Much Longer

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Hi All, Just not coping at all well as she seems to spend more and more time in her own world, also she is giving me more and more abuse and think everyone is so nice and kind except ME who does everything for her. One of these times she is going to tell me to leave ina abusive manner and i will as just not coping the weekends are the worst as at least Monday to Friday the didtrict nurse comes in. But at weekend it is all down to me. I had managed to organise that wont go and when she wsants to be is so stuborn and the Social Services say they cannot force her, so dont know what to do. She feels she is too young as most of people in respite unit are 80plus and she is only 71. Then the next complaint is bed is only single, I just cant win. I have also have asked doctor to refer her to a day hospital to get bottom of mobility problems and fall and she say she wont go and if she kicks off ambulance wont take, she says she is finished so no use.

I am not coping and my mental helth is getting worse already on tranquilizers and anti-depressants. Seeing psychiatrist and have to go on courses to learn to cope with my health problems I even locked my self in bedroom today and that was when i spoke to Social worker and that is why i got respite so quick. SO please any HELP would be great!
hi emer you need to get some help from somewhere speak to your gp i was the same i went from doing a job i loved to look after my wife i went to isolation i went on antidepresent then i start to self harm iam under the mental health team but it took all that to get some help i am trying to say dont go has far as went before get help do you have a local carers center if you have get in touch with them and get a carers assment please go to your gp to get some help mr turk Image Image Image Image
Your mother has the right to refuse services but you also have the right to refuse to care for her if she refuses to accept services which would enable you to continue to care. Sometimes our sense of responsibility is our worst enemy, your mother is being unreasonable, if she wants you to look after her she has to consider your needs too, sometimes we have to make this clear, we have a responsibility to ourselves and the other people who we care about and who care about us as well as to the people for whom we care. I would just tell your mother that if she does not allow you the breaks which you need you will no longer be able to care for her, she still has a choice it is just a different choice.
Hi Emer, I agree with Parsifal. Unless you have breaks and help you really will not be able to carry on caring for your Mum. She needs this spelt out to her.

I agree with Melly and Parsifal, you really need a break or you won't be able to care...full stop.
I'm with all the above. This isnt working out: time to make a break. Caring is OK only if it is concensual: this situation is already dangerously out of control and I would be looking for an exit strategy. Probably a permanent one: it is perfectly possible to care very well for someone who is living elsewhere.
Hi Emer,

I understand that making that decision must be very hard for you, but the reality is you need to reagain your life, its true that our sense of responsibility is our own worst enemy. I feel the same, but thats partly the reason why us carers are so lonely and end up like this, because if we are doing it then the social services dont have to, and believe me from experience if you dont make a stand you'll feel like this forever, and then you'll turn round and your life has passed you by.

I hope you feel better soon
Elmer- i thought i wrote some of your post! You feel trapped? Catch 22? I agree with The posts above. You need to look after yourself and be firm- yes easy to say, hard to do. But running yourself in to the ground isnt working for either of you. Big hug x
Just thought. My mother refuses social services too. But her nurse os going to mention direct payments to her so she doesnt feel i am taking over and she will still be in control. Perhaps you could get the district nurse to talk to her as she is not emotionally connected? Sorry if this doesnt suit your situation, but i just thought id share. Might not work (not done it yet) but could be worth a try?