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How can you encourage someone to accept care support? - Page 3 - Carers UK Forum

How can you encourage someone to accept care support?

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
By the way, Occupational therapists can advise on mobility equipment and sometimes fund it? Either her GP or Adult Services can point you in the right direction.
just a thought!
DR - don't worry, whenever I ask my lawyer friend on a legal point, she ALWAYS warns me never to take what she says as gospel, as it is not advice nor being formally given to me!(she has to protect herself as well, of course!)

I met up with her today, as it happens, and put the point to her under discussion. Her (informal!) response was that if the house is either owned by the son/daughter, or co-owned with the caree parent, the latter can't object to the former giving the keys to a third party and coming in to the house for whatever reason (again, assuming she doesn't actually touch the caree, or behave threateningly etc etc), and for just visually checking they seem OK, and making them food or a cup of tea etc.

It's interesting that Maz has opted for sharing a co-owned house with her mum. It's something I'm running up the flagpole myself in respect of my MIL, mainly because what she'd get from her flat up north wouldn't buy the equivalent where I am, so I was mentally exploring what if she added her equity to mine, and we bought somwhere together. In a way it's tempting, but I suspect it would be disastrous for me, as she would be far, far too close - ideally I'd like somewhere with an annexe, or holiday-let, where I could 'live' and separate living quarters for her, but again, I suspect she'd end up constantly with me in my bit, or me in her bit. I suspect there has to be a car drive between us or I'd go nuts!

Reading Maz's solution actually confirms to me in my mind by my own 'oh no!' response to it, that I need to stay separate from MIL - so thank you Maz! Image Image

However, it's Maz's situation that is under discussion here (the above was a throwaway!), and it does seem like she is very nearly there! I get the feeling you are easier in your mind, and have made some progress on acceptance all round, from the rollator to the 'having someone in to check I'm OK' concession.

I do understand the 'stranger' issue - I don't like 'other people' in my house, so I can understand resisting a carer on those grounds, even though, yes, it's ironic in a way as a familiar carer can become a friendly face and reassuring. Maybe it's just a question of getting used to it! (And of you simply presenting her with a fait accompli, whether it's a booked break or a bought rollator!)

It does sound, though, like you have got into the very good habit of having breaks from time to time, which is huge progress right off, and not something that everyone here feels they can get at all, let alone several times. Enjoy this next one too!
I would never encourage anyone to do what I have done, ie voluntary set up home with an elderly parent! A very good friend of mine said to me when I was considering it "are you sure you want to do this, because once you've done it, you won't be able to get out". Of course she was right, but I had many things to balance out and still maintain it was the right thing to do (I'm an only child, distance was too great, was neither leading a life here nor there, etc., etc.).

Sadly, I don't think the annex set up would work for many, even though initial intentions may be there to make it work. Somehow my plans for our home didn't work out either as things kind of just fell into place based on Mum's needs (which were valid), but at least I have my own lounge and TV so can escape! Some people look at me in horror when I describe our set up to them, but each to their own. The other issue with annex is that, I believe, you have to pay two lots of council tax if the annex has a separate entrance.
My son moved in with me and then put me in the garage to sleep (converted it onto a lovely bedroom first). At that time, whether or not it counted as a separate dwelling for council tax purposes depended on whether or not it had cooking facilities. BUT there are other regulations which apply to adaptations for disabled people, which I understood made those rooms exempt. Anyone thinking of going down the annexe route would be well advised to seek planning advice for up to date information. More general advice can be found on the "Planning Portal" run by the government. Even if you don't need planning permission to convert a garage, like mine, you will still need building regulations approval. These are very strict on insulation (I nickname my room The Padded Cell) as it's really warm and cosy and quiet. For various reasons we've not got round to connecting the enormous radiator, as decreed by building regs. I have a greenhouse type frostguard heater and it seldom turns itself on! And usually goes off again immediately. So the money you spend on insulation will soon be saved on heating bills.
Maz, hi - you don't accept PMs which is all I do now that I'm stepping away from the public board, at least for the time being, but I didn't want to ignore your post about sharing accommodation with a parent caree.

(There isn't anything actually 'private' about what I was replying, just that I'm not posting publically any more!)
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Dear Maz, just replying 'privately' to you - thank you for your post about sharing your home with your mum, which was very salutory, and I shall remember it whenever I feel it might be financially sensible to poor my resources with my MIL! Definitely not!

I've thought of the annexe option, by converting and extending my garage into Granny-quarters, which would have bed/sitting room, plus kitchenette and bathroom, and be accessible via my side passage so 'could' be stand-alone accommodation, but I fear that (council tax aside - damn nuisance though that is!) the real problem would be that, despite the fact taht, when she is back in her own flat 400 miles away (we are 'swapping' every few weeks at the moment), she is perfectly capable of looking after herself (all she can't do now is get to the shops, get out of the flat, or even take the rubbish down any more), I would STILL be trotting in and out of the annexe all day and everyday, running what I call the Granny Hotel - ie, the ENDLESS round of making her breakfast, turning on the TV, morning cuppas, then lunch, then more TV, then a little 'outing' to the shops or a little drive to see the scenery changing, then, more TV, then another cuppa and a teacake, then more TV, and then a G&T, then supper, then TV, then another cuppa, then finally FINALLY bedtime.....(all interspersed, in winter, by endless refills of her hotwaterbottle!). It's the inability to 'shut her away' that drives me demented, the idea that I'm 'staff' and always 'on call', andthat, basically, I have to live the life of an 89 year old woman who does very very little and does it day after day after day after day....

So I fear that unless and until she is actually a car journey away from me, an annexe across the garden is just NOT far enough to stop that all day drudgery....

All the best possible with your own situation, and, as I say, thank you for confirming that 'living together' is NOT advisable!

Kind regards, Jenny