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hospital discharge - Carers UK Forum

hospital discharge

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My mum has lived with me for 9yrs and I have seen her decline it was like a slow decline on a huge mountain you do not notice how me life has been impacted till I stopped last week following her admission to our cottage hospital for immobility and serious pain she had had 4 fall in a fortnight prior.
I told the hospital the after the admssion that I had mental health and linked into the community mental health team and the impact of of her needs I cannot cope anymore I am broken.
Today note I visited everyday they said it front of me and mum at 6.00pm so one to talk to well discharge Thursday with a care package am and evening 30mins visit great is it.
I went to speak to them again and they said well she going home and I sure it will be fine anyway you can call the care agency iof you are not happy and also we will do a financial assessment for payment!!
I have had to reduce my hours at work and financially it is challenge and now this I just feel totally alone, a failure, guilty because I cannot cope and in fear when she comes home I even said to do I walk out on my life and move out of my home leave my job they said nothing well they could not except to say my choice.
I just hope I can cope from Thursday .................... :-???
Tomorrow, ring the CEO of the hospital. Say they MUSTdo an NHS Continuing Healthcare Checklist BEFORE she goes anywhere. Say you have n had a Carers Assessment and will change the locks if neccessary. I've had a battle with a hospital too. Horrible.
Email immediately and tell them you are NOT looking after your mother any longer, and they must arrange alternative care (ie, a care home at least for now). Your house is YOURS and YOU say who comes to live in it. Your mother has NO 'legal right' to come back to you.

You have NO legal 'duty of care' to look after your mother, or have her live with you.

The hospital is 'trying it on' and hoping you'll cave in and say 'OK, send her home'.

I agree that tomorrow you change the locks (if your mum has a key - take it off her if she has) and again and again inform the hospital she is NOT coming back to you.

What they'll do is send her to a care home for the time being - that will give you breathing space to think about where you want her to go 'permanently.'

We all hope that when we take on our parents care we can 'see them out' but alas, the toll is usually SO great that unless they die we just can't keep doing it. You have reached 'burn out' and you really do need to put your foot down.

The hospital will bully you, but they have NO right to send her home - they know that, and if you tell them you know that, they can't do anything except accept you will NOT have her home again.

Change the locks, and if they send her home in an ambulance, keep the doors locked and do NOT let her in. It's going to be 'horrible' but the point is that if they can get her back inside your house you will whistle to get her out again. THIS is your 'power place' right now - she's in the hospital, the ball is in THEIR court. KEEP IT THERE!

Wishign you ALL the best.

Even if you do, eventually, decide to let her move back, with a lot of carers, the point is you need TIME to think about it, and you need a GOOD BREAK, which you will get while your mum spends several weeks in a care home (she might even like it better than with you!)

(Care homes don't have to be 'for ever'.....and not even week after week. The first care home my MIL was in I used to have her back for sleepovers twice a week! But the other days I got my life back. Maybe your mum could come to you for weekends, while you work during the week.)