Struggling after a break away

[Lapwing]

I have just been away for a 4 day break. Since getting home I have found it really hard to cope with my caring role again. I was coping ok before I went away but now I am finding myself tearful and desperate, feeling really trapped and resentful.

[Jane:-)]

Hi Lapwing, I'm sorry you're finding it hard to settle back into caring. I don't know much about your caring role but did glance through your previous posts. If its difficult to leave your Mum have you any friends you can invite round and share your holiday memories with? Are you in contact with any local carers group, perhaps they can help you organise another break away so you have something to look forward to, or organise someone to sit with Mum so you can get a bit of regular time to yourself? Have you had a recent carer's assessment? - your local carers support group can organise this for you.

[Kaycee]

Lapwing, I often feel like this when we have been away for a weekend (about the longest time we manage) but I find it really helps to book another break, even if it is a couple of months ahead, it really gives me something to look forward to.

[Lapwing]

Thanks for your reply Jane. I am just so floored as to why I am struggling so much after the break when I seemed to be coping before. It almost makes me think it isn't worth having the break if I am going to find it so hard after I come back. But I did enjoy the time away and I do have good memories of it. I guess I will get back into the swing of things soon enough. I wonder if anyone else has had this experience of finding it hard to take up their caring role again after a break? I live with my mother and she is totally housebound. I am not with her 24/7, I do have a part time job. Fortunately she doesn't need someone with her all the time, so I can get out of the flat.

[Lapwing]

Thanks Kaycee, yes maybe I should do that. Maybe the reason why I was coping well before the break was because I knew I had that break arranged. Now it is over, I need another oasis to look forward to.

[bowlingbun]

I often find it difficult to settle back into my routine again after a break. Is it that glimpse of what might have been which upsets me; or is it like a drug when you've done it once you want it again and again?! More than these it's the awareness of just how desperate you were for a break to recharge your batteries again - although sometimes mine seem to go flat as I walk in the door! When I'm away on my own I can do exactly what I please; stay in bed and read a book, file my nails, blow dry my hair into pretty curls/waves, put on some make up, perfume, might even manage a skirt rather than the jeans. As a carer for 34 years, I've learned the hard way how important it is to have regular breaks. I love looking at places to stay, and have a folder full of possibilities, too many to visit in a lifetime, but it's great to daydream.

[Jane:-)]

I think it would be wrong not to take breaks away when you get the opportunity, particularly when you enjoyed the experience and have got good memories. Maybe its been a long time since you were able to break away from the daily routine, like Kaycee said if you could book up another break away would give you something to aim for, if not maybe a day-trip and overnight stay with a friend. We can all put our heads down and get on with the regular duties of caring and the odd crisis that comes along but to do that with no break will eventually take a toll on our own health and well being. I believe breaks away remind us of who we are, individuals, and can challenge us to do things for ourselves rather than it always being 'us' or 'we'. Please don't resist breaks away, take them all and you'll learn to get back in the routine after practice

[ladybird17]

I so agree with the other posters, you must have something to look forward to and also accept that you may take a bit of time to get back to "normal". A break is so liberating and then you feel everything is closing in around you again when you get back - so even if I just mentally think where I might go the next time I can get a break, I do at least feel I'm on my way to another short respite.