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Carers UK Forum • Help please! :(
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Help please! :(

Posted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 7:03 pm
by FreeBird
Feel free to move this if it is the wrong section.
Will basically sum up me and my situation before I go into what my dilemma is...

I'm 17 and a carer for my husband who suffers with schizophrenia and a personality disorder.
I met him when I had just turned 16, and we instantly hit it off, I gave up my studies to care for him, and 3 months later he had proposed. Me and him have got along up til now perfectly fine. We decided to try for a baby a couple of months before the wedding, and I made sure I talked to him, and he talked to me and his drs over and over to make sure it was what he wanted.

So here we are now, 4 months after the wedding, and I'm now 7 months pregnant, and not 18 until a month after the baby is born.

September we decided to move to Cornwall since this is where he lived before he met me, his family live there, and his favourite psychiatrists and CPNs.

We have been living there for a month now, and he thought it would be a nice suprise for me to book me tickets to go see my mum for a couple of days. He was seeming better than he ever has been, otherwise I wouldn't have risked leaving him.
On the train station saying goodbye he was very loving, saying how much he will miss me.
And he kept texting me, saying he loves me and hopes I am having a good time.
Then out of the blue, 2 days before I was meant to be coming home, I get a message on facebook from him saying he is much happier without me, and he thinks we should go our seperate ways.
I phoned him up for a proper chat, and he is seeming like a completely different person, he sounded really chirpy but got quite angry when I asked about living arrangements.
He asked me to stay at my mums until next Teusday because he can't handle seeing me, and said I need to find a place to live by then because I will not be welcome to stay in our house. He seems really angry at me, it's like he changed overnight.

He is seeing the psychiatrist tomorrow, he told me he is feeling so stressed by me at the moment he wants to hospitalise himself.

This is a huge change in him, so I don't know if it is something that will sort itself in a few weeks and he will want me back. But until then I have to make plans for what I'm going to if he doesn't change his mind.

I'm not able to rent a house ready for when the baby comes, because I'm not 18 yet. I can't work either, being pregnant and 17. So I will have to become homeless and speak to the local council to see if they will give me a bedsit until I'm 18 and can get a house for me and the baby. I can't really move back in with my parents because I want to have a home setup for me and baby, plus I don't have any money to move my things up, because we spent our savings moving to Cornwall.

I'm really stressed, and worried about him because he has never seemed this angry at me before.
Is there anything available for me? Any organisations who can give me advice and support??

I haven't got an education, am expecting a baby, don't have anywhere to live or any money and looking forward to a divorce. Image

Any advice, information would be greatly appreciated, I'm feeling stressed and alone.

Sam

Wow! You sure are living

Posted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 7:14 pm
by Scally
Wow! You sure are living life in the fast lane. And it can get pretty tough in there, I know, having the T shirt and scars to prove it. I'm not going to offer any advice, I suspect that you are probably well able to make up your own mind anyway, all I can offer is that going through rough stuff like this when you are a teenager means that you will be one jump ahead when you get to your twenties, and however rough it feels at the time, what you learn from it will make you a stronger, wiser and more caring person.
Can I also add that for someone who claims not to have much formal education your post was highly articulate and extremely well composed: at some point when you finally get sorted I do hope you get back into education, because if I am not mistaken I suspect that you will go far.

PS: if in doubt, mothers-in-law can sometimes be a blessing in disguise: you better believe his mum and dad will be very, very concerned too: after all, it's their grandchild we are talking about, so unless they are a total write off, its best to assume they have a serious interest in their sons and grandchilds welfare.

Hi Sam I don't have any

Posted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 7:21 pm
by thel31
Hi Sam
I don't have any helpful advice, except have you talked to your mum about all this?? I am sure she will want you to confide in her, and she can give you family support which you will need, especially when the baby arrives. And could you talk to your husband's medical team to see if they have any suggestions? Other than that I think you might go to see the nearest Citizens Advice Bureau. All best wishes - please keep posting and let us know how you are getting on.
Thelma

Hi Sam, seems you are

Posted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 7:24 pm
by paulingreece
Hi Sam, seems you are between a rock and a hard place, although having children is wonderfull, sometimes the stress and realisation of what this entails can turn normal loving people against each other, i could be very wrong, but someone with mental health problems can react in extreme ways to differant situations. I cannot really offer any advice on the house or council front, but do give the CUK helpline a call, there should be a few more people with better advice along soon, take things slowly and get as much advice as possible. Lots of good lovely people on here with lots of support. Do not rule out your parents , they give good advice and support despite what we sometimes think. Take care.

Hi Sam, Excalibur's post says

Posted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 8:10 pm
by no1mum
Hi Sam, Excalibur's post says a lot. Try giving the CUK helpline a ring.
Keep in touch and let us know how you are getting on.

Karen

Good point Audrey, health visitors

Posted: Thu Nov 04, 2010 9:37 pm
by no1mum
Good point Audrey, health visitors can also be of great help as well.

Thanks for your replies, means

Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2010 4:16 pm
by FreeBird
Thanks for your replies, means a lot right now.

I have my parents for emotional support (although it's frustrating that they keep saying how silly I was to get into this situation in the first place, feel like a little kid on the naughty step!), but they can't really help me sort out housing or money because they aren't in cornwall, and not too well off themselves.

I have arranged to see my midwife Wednesday, so I will see what she suggests.
I have a very close friend who lives in cornwall who has said that she will not see me in a bedsit, so if I can't find someone who will rent to me, I can stay with her until I'm 18.

Seems like the only benefits I'm entitled to is housing and income support. I think income support is £60 a week, so I should just about get by.

I haven't heard off the hubby today, I didn't want to ring him since he wants some space and is seeing the Dr. today which usually upsets a bit. I text him to say my parents phone line is down due to weather so he can contact me on my mobile but haven't heard anything back. He did say for me to feel free to ring if I need anything, and he did say he would keep in touch, so it's worrying me that he hasn't replied.
He seems so unstable at the moment, I just hope he can look after himself for a few days without doing anything silly Image

Your midwife should be able

Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2010 4:48 pm
by no1mum
Your midwife should be able to get the health visitor involved to give you extra support and advice.

Karen x x

Hi Freebird, Cant really offer

Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2010 6:26 pm
by Guest
Hi Freebird, Cant really offer any other advice other than explain everything to your midwife, she wouldnt want you or the babys welfare put at risk, they cant morally just ignore your problems and should be able to offer advice and support. Yes us parents cant resist the 'told you so', dont worry Im sure they love you very much and will adore baby. Keep on the forum and let us know whats happening, someone will come up with practical advice for any problem so dont feel isolated. Take care.

Yes us parents cant resist

Posted: Fri Nov 05, 2010 8:21 pm
by charles47
Yes us parents cant resist the 'told you so',
That's sometimes a sign that they're worried sick but don't know how to say it.

Lots of good advice on the posts above, so I won't add anything but my best wishes.