Phil, please please do think what your poor mum may have been SPARED.....Yes, you may well think 'oh, if only I'd got her home!' but none of us know what is around the corner.And sometimes, with hindsight, one can only think 'maybe it was better this way'
I will give you two examples from my own circumstances -
My 89 y/o MIL was living independently four years ago - then dementia set in. Now she is in an advanced state of mental decay and it is pitiable. Had she died at 89 I might well have, like you, hoped she'd have had another few years of 'comfortable life', fully enjoying things and so on. But had I known what was waiting for her I'd have been SO grateful that she'd passed away at 89....
A similar situation is with my friend. Her father, also independent. was found lying on the kitchen floor, and rushed into hospital. It was touch and go - but he pulled through. My friend brought him home to live with her. FIVE YEARS ON he is still there and in a VERY poor way indeed. Again, had he not pulled through that time, she .and he...would have been spared all this now....
So please, please, if you can - under the grief and regret now - think of what she has NOT had to endure......
Losing a parent, whatever our age, always always makes us feel like 'orphans' and it is very ,very hard to bear.
Your mother knew you loved her ,and was devoted to her - she's at peace now, and nothing can assail her or trouble her ever again. You were her loving son to the end - and I hope 'beyond the end'.....
How good a mother she must have been for her son to weep for her! That is her tribute now. There are mothers in this sad and sorry world whom no child would weep for. your mother is not one of them. And that is to be rejoiced at.
Thinking of you at this saddest, saddest time, Jenny
