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Help - Carers UK Forum


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I gave up my Job 18 months ago to look after my partners mother. I ended up in debt and I we had £1200 a month less money coming in . She is ill again and she won't pay for her own care . So my partner wants me to give up my job again . Also her brother and his daughters a want her to change her will .so she leaves everything to them . I don't know what to do. My head and heart is broken . I copied looking after her but I didn't cope not being able to do my normal Job . They are moaning that I work to many hours. Sorry I feel so lost .
Hi sharon..welcome to the forum. That is crazy they want you to do it.why not the brothers and his daughters who want the will changed do the caring..why leave the caring to you and you having to give him your job thats so unfair.also considering you were in finiacial difficulty before its unfair of your partner to put this on you.he should be speaking to his brother and brothers family as to whos going help.and if his mother has the funds to pay for carers he should be discussing with her about her care needs and getting care in place from carers. This is just my opnion i hope others can help you out more on this forum as they have years more expercience than me
It's all to do with money I am afraid.
There is a business and if the nieces have a share then my partner will have no say in it
As for the will yet again the nieces would have a overriding say of what happens to the house and we would be made to sell the house so they could get there hands on the money and therefore we would be made homeless.
So down the line to 2 nieces would own the business and would become millionaires . Over the last 25 years I have looked after her and cared for her . I cooked their tea every night upon till 2 years ago when I had a bad accident and was house bound myself for 7 months. I have worked since I was 12 and if I don't go work it makes me depressed . I don't like it when I have more than 2 day's off . And I have just been promoted at work.
How old is the mother and what is her illness, please?
Simple advice from me. Leave the waste of space xxxx that you are with - if he wants YOU to pauperise yourself, be a slave to a mother who wants to treat you as a free slave, all to save her absolute waste of space xxxx of brothers an siblings, he can take a jump off a cliff.

he seems to be a disgraceful piece of work.

Leave him immediately!

I haven't been so angry about someone being exploited so disgracefully - as you so obviously are! - by a bunch of freeloading, selfish parasites in a LONG time!

Absolutely unforgiveable behaviour by the whole lot of them.

Walk, and let them sort out THEIR mother THEMSELVES.

It's NOTHING to do with you. It's THEIR problem. THEY can deal with it.

All the best to YOU, and NONE to your partner and his ghastly family! Kind regards, Jenny
It does sound like your husband is used to being told what will happen by his family...he needs counselling.

However the only power the others have over either of you is the power you let them have. So start by working out how much money you lost in wages, and say that before ANYTHING ELSE you are refunded in full. As you are happy at work, and know what care MIL needs, find out who can provide that care, and let them get on with it. Is MIL claiming Attendance Allowance?