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MUM PETRIFIED OF DYING ALONE IN 4 BEDROOM HOUSE IN DUNDEE. - Carers UK Forum

MUM PETRIFIED OF DYING ALONE IN 4 BEDROOM HOUSE IN DUNDEE.

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Since mum bought this house for the 2 of us which was mums attempt at planning for the future due to the Cncer diagnoses the Proff at Ninewells cancer unit does not know how much time mum has left.

Each year mum plans for the end and each year gets worse all the problems of Cancer, the strain of mums cancer is mum is the 6 person to get this form of cancer mylopian luekemia which is cancer at cellular level notwithstanding mum nursed cancer in all forms for 25 years another 15 years in geriatric nursing.

Now mum has actually become one of her own patients i cry a lot and feel that l do not do enough as mum talks about the same staff day in day out no disresepct but due to the nature of the active chronic hiatus hernia whcih makes meal time very unpleasurable.

mum actually eats 12 miniscule meals per day everything is chopped up or softened to ease swallowing not getting stuck in the miidel of the throat.

Mum has said in our many talks and discussions that as l cannot be there living MUM IS PETRIFIED TO DIE ALONE what am l suppose to do.

I AM PETRIFIED MYSELF OF THIS HAPPENNING BUT I BLAME THIS GOVERNMENT AND THE LEGISLATION FOR THIS WE ARE AS I HAVE SAID BEFORE WE ARE JUST USED AND ABUSED.

IS THIS HOW IT IS WHAT ABOUT MUMS RIGTHS AS A TERMINALLY ILL LADY AND MY RIGHTS AS MUMS CARER.

IS BOTH OR OUR RIGHTS AND ALL OF OUR BASIC HUMAN RIGHTS NOT BEEN VIOLATED OR BEEN BROKEN.

WE ARE TALKING ABOUT DYING ALONE WITH NO HELP.

MY MP CANNOT DO ANYTHING SO HE SAYS HE IS MR MING CAMPBELL MP.

WHY IS THIS ALLOWED TO HAPPEN.

PRISONERS HAVE MORE RIGTHS THAN CARERS SO IT SEEMS AS IN THE NEWSPAPERS.

JUST HATE THIS GOVERMENT SO MUCH AND WHAT THEY DO IN USING AND ABUSING US ON EVERY DAILY PART OF OUR CARERS LIVES.

KENNETH2DUNDEENOW FIFE
Hi Kenneth,

I feel so sorry for both you and your mum.

Seven years ago I had a similar dilema. Mum who had alzheimers did not want any help from social services and dad was not fit physically or mentally to care for her, so for five years they had lived liked hermits, only going out when we visited. When this came to light we applied for a council house transfer to be nearer my parents to offer practical support, but because we were in another local authority they would not house us without we gave up the tenancy and we could not give up the tenancy as if anything happened to my folks we would not be allowed to stay on in their rented house.

It came to a head two years ago when my mother took to her bed to "wait for God" with obvious signs of Cancer. Getting care from McMillan was a no-no as there was no proper clinical proof she had Cancer and by that time her dementia prevented her from having a scan as she would not remember the instructions, plus it was a 3 hour drive to the nearest MRI scanner and the poor soul had not seen the light of day for almost three years.

Rules or no rules, I moved in to nurse mum, so dad got Council Tax rebate as I was an unpaid live in carer........under carer rules I could have fought the housing association to be allowed to keep the house after my parents death. My husband spent all his time with us on "holiday" (He was retired by this time) and when mum died he gave up the flat as it was obvious dad would never manage on his own.

The housing association were putting pressure on tenants in family homes to downsize and dad asked for sheltered housing, as we would be homeless the local authority had no option but to find us a flat in the town I was brought up in.

None of this could have been achieved without our MP.....John Thurso........Hardly a week went by that he did not put pressure on the local authority, and when an unsuitable cottage was suggested by dad`s housing association he told us to stand firm and eventually dad got a council run sheltered house. Granted it is the other side of town and not round the corner as our flat was to our old family home, but he is delighted with the outcome, and so are we.

I am not sure i understand why you can not move in with your mum and look after her if that is what you and she wants............ok so there will be flack, but weather the storm, you sound a kind and caring son at the end of your tether and your poor mum deserves better.

My mum chose to end her life in her own home of almost 50years and as a daughter I supported her in her decision, though there were times I did wonder was it the right thing to do, but with hindsight I am glad I was able to give her the care to die with dignity in her own home.

Sorry for rambling,

Take care
Meg
Hi Ken
I to cant understand why you cant move in with your Mum.
I suffer with the overlap rule and have done all the time i have been caring ie I was on incapacity benefit then a short while ago i retired got state pension and still no carers allowance.
Please tell me how the overlap effect's you when moving in with your Mum that's if you don't mind.
It's seems unfair that you are going to be homeless with a 4 bedroom house there for you.
I know the overlap rule effects me but moving in with your Mum and it effects you is a new one on me only hope this can be sorted soon best of luck to you Ken.
John.
homeless
Hi all perhaps i should just mention that i am actually just leaving as the house is rented privately and the owner does not have the funds to rewire and do all the other works needed to get up to standard. Not moving back in to this house have to find something else to rent.

So that is that l have lost the money dpoing the decorating but at the end of the day i would not be in this situation if the overlapping rules did not discriminate against all Carers.

Now on the council homeless priority housing list.

The other piece of discrimminating piece of legilslation is the caree who then recieves SEVERE DISABILITY PREMIUM IN LIEW OF CARERS ALLOWANCE whcih was came into being on the 12 february 1988 says that anybody over 18 cannot live in the same house as the person getting severe disability premium.

You can only keep the sdp when you are getting full disability living allowance.

Talk about keeping you in continous limbo fighting this fighting that.

will we ever get PROPER JUSTICE AND EXCEPTANCE AND PROPER INCOME/ALLOWANCES
NONE OF THIS TWAT OF LEGISLATION.

KENNETH2DUNDEENOW FIFE
Ken,hope you dont mind but I have copied one of your other postings to here so more details can be seen together.
It is so hard with just typed words and the little information to hand to try work out what is best.

Have you had a full benefits check for both you and your mam to work out just how much would be lost if you did move in with her?As you are in B and B now and looking to rent a property again which will entail all the usual utility bills so in effect both you and your mam duplicating some living expenses.Would you not save some of the outgoings by living together?
I dont mean to upset you by discussing your mams illness but is she getting all that shes entitled to regarding benefits.
Accept my apologies if you have already covered the above previously.

Does mam receive any care services from local authority Ken?

Rosemary
x x x


.
HALLO AND THANX FOR THE HELP SORRY JUST TRIED POSTING A WHOLE PAGE OF POSTING WHICH FOR SOME REASON GOT LOST .

AS L SAID CANNOT MOVE IN WITH MUM AS MUM WILL LOOSE AROUND ABOUT £400 A MONTH IN MONEY AND WE BOTH WILL NOT GET ANY SEVERE DISABILITY PREMIUM MUM OR ME CARERS ALLOWANCE.

SINCE THIS ALL HAPPENING I HAVE LOST 4 COTTAGES DUE TO ONCE REASON ANOTHER NOT FOR ANY PERSONAL REASONS BUT BUREAUCRATIC ONES AND PERCIEVED PERCEPTIONS.

WHAT I MEAN IS WHEN LANDLORDS WHO RENT OUT PROPERTY PRIVATELY ADVERTS ALWAYS MOST LIKELY SAY NO DSS.

THE TARNISHING EVERYBODY WHO RECEIVES HELP WITH RENT FOR WHAT EVER REASON
IS NOT VERY FAIR WHEN YOU HAVE WHAT CARERS AND DISABLED CARERS HAVE ON THEIR DAILY PLATE TO HANDLE AND CARE FOR THEIR LOVED ONES.

PERHAPS I SHOULD SAY WHEN I HAVE TOLD PROSEPCTIVE LETTING ESTATE AGENTS THAT I AM A CARER FOR MY MUM 100 % OF THE TIME THEY HAVE NO CLUE WHAT THAT ACTUALLY MEANS OR ANY UNDERSTANDING OR ALL ABOUT CARERS.

JOHNRJ AND ROSEMARY THANX FOR THE HELP AND ROSEMARY MUM IS NOW GETTING A SMALL MEASURE OF BATHING WHICH STARTED THIS WEEK AT MY INTERVENTION MUM IS AWAITING A NEW HYDROTHERAPY BATH FOR MUMS MEDICAL TROUBLES BUT WILL USE THE SHOWER ROOM UPSTAIRS TILL THE BATH DOWNSTAIRS IS INSTALLED.

THIS AND ALL THE OTHER ADAPTIONS HAS BEEN DONE AT MUMS OWN EXPENSE AND NOW ALL OF MUMS SAVING HAVE BEEN DEPLETED.

THE STAIRLIFT COST £6800 BY STANNAH MUM DID NOT GET ANY HELP WHATSOVERE.

THE OT ASSESMENT TOOK NEARLY 4 MONTHS TO HAPPEN AND DUNDEE CITY COUNCIL HAS A MORATORIUM OR EMBARGO ON ANY FORM OF ASSESMENTS IRRESPECTIVE OF NEEDS AT ALL.

THE REASON BEEN COUNCILS IN SCOLTAND AND THE UK ESPECIALLY SOCTLAND CANNOT SOPE WITH THE TERM OF FREE PERSONAL CARE AND WHAT THAT ACTUALLY MEANS AND ENTAILS/

WELL THANX FOR THE HELP JOHNRJ ,ROSEMARY AND MEG FOR YOUR HELP.

KENNETH2DUNDEENOW FIFE.
Kenneth, if you move in with your mum she'd lose £50.55 of her allowances - the same amount as Carers Allowance.

You would be able to claim Carers Allowance. Nothing else - apart, perhaps, from Council Tax Benefit, should be affected. I strongly suggest you go to CAB or Welfare Rights and get someone to do a proper benefits check. You may find that things are not as bad all that - bad enough, true, but maybe more manageable than the situation you're in?
Morning Ken,

No idea if you have had contact with the fella below.He is Director of Social Work in Dundee.I know how care is provided in Scotland is different to that in England but the needs of an individual has to come before anything else.We have already seen attempts by LA's to tighten criteria to save money yet have their decisions overturned.

Alan G. Baird - Director

alan.baird@dundeecity.gov.uk

Have you tried one of these for support and advice...

PRT Dundee Carers Centre

21 Ward Road

Dundee, DD1 1ND

Telephone]www.dundeecarerscentre.org.uk[/url]

Email]centre@dundeecarerscentre.org.uk[/url]



Tayside Carers Support Project
NSF Scotland
10 Constitution Road
Dundee, DD1 1LL
Telephone]lynsmith@number10.org[/url]

www.d-v-a.org.uk

Hope the above of some use to you Ken

Rosemary
x x x

.
Hi Kenneth,

I'm sorry to hear about your predicament, and do understand how you feel at the moment as I cared for my mum-in-law (and my ex) for 10 yrs. She owned her own home and I could only claim for CA for 1 person. I kept appealing for her to get AA and finally was awarded it - with the help of the local CAB. I still had to get up at 5am, see to ex, go down see to mum, get back to get kids to school and then taking ex to his mums.
By the time mum was 98 I was pulling my hair out (mini strokes, loss of bowel & bladder control, heart attacks, forgetfulness). at 100 I finally managed to get a nurse in to help twice a week - which cost me each week.
As she only had a 2 bedroom house we were unable to move in with her, and we couldn't get her into a nursing home without selling her house - which she made provisions for in her will, by cutting my ex off if he tried it, (he was more interested in the money he'd get than her welfare).
Her health deteriorated so much that on her 102nd birthday I went over her head and had her admitted to hospital, after 2 weeks she discharged herself and returned home. I then spent the next 16 weeks living in her front room with her, while my family slept in the bedrooms - due to having to do this we lost our council house. We stayed in her home after her death, but lost all rights to council tax benefit and income support - because of the value left to my ex - eventhough he got nothing in her will for allowing me to put her in hospital.

Sorry for going on.

If you are still not getting any help - and your mum should be entitled to terminal DLA try appealing to the court of human rights, as I am sure that this is an infringment on both your rights.


Hope all works out for you both. Good luck and (((BIG HUGS))) to you both.
WELL WHAT CAN I SAY BUT THANX.

AS TO WHAT YOU ALL HAVE SAID MANY THANX BUT MY MP IS USELSS AND AS I AM IN RECIEPT OF HIGHER RATE LONG TERM INCAPACITY CANNOT GET CARERS ALLOWANCE DUE TO THE STUPID PUSSY OVERLAPPING RULE IN RESPONSE TO CHARLES ADVICE.

WILL HOPEFULLY PERSEVERE AND BLOODY WELL FIGHT THE WHOLE SODDENE LOT OF THE GOVERNMENT SHEISTERS AND DWP COHORTS IDIOTS.

WHAT HAS ME WONDERING WHY MATT OR GAVIN OR CHRISTINE FOR CARERS UK HAVE NOT MADE ANY COMMENT AS TO ANY OF MY RECENT POSTS AS TO THE SITUATION I NOW FIND MYSELF IN.

MANY THANX AGAIN KENNETH2DUDNEENOW FIFE.
HI ROSEMARY THANX FOR THE ADVICE BUT I AM AFRAID THAT ALLAN BAIRD IS VERY WELL KNOWN TO ME I HAVE ACTUALLY OVER THE 12 YEARS HAD MANY RUN INS WITH HIM AND HIS PREVIOUS COUNTERPARTS INFACT I TOOK HIM AND THE SOCIAL WORK DEPARTMENT TO THE PUBLIC SERVICES OMBUDSMAN FOR AN ISSUE WITH RPEVIOUS RESBITE MUM WAS GETTING UNDER THE YOUNGER PERSONS SERVICES NOW THAT MUM TRANSFERED TO OLDER PERSON SERVICES THE CRITERIA FOR REBITE JUST TO SAVE A FEW BLOODY EXTRA QUID CANCELLED THE OFFER OF 8 WEEKS REBITE PER YEAR.

SORRY FOR THE DRAWNOUT EXPLANNATION. BUT THE DUNDEE SOCAL WORKS COMPLAINTS PROCEDURES AND POLICIES TOOK ME 6 YEARS TO FIGTH THEM AND WON WITH A VICTORY OG THE REINSTATEMENT OF THE OFFER OF 6 WEEKS REBITE PER YEAR.

BUT THE IRONY OF THE CASE IS THAT THERE ARE ONLY 7 REBITE BED SPACES IN DUNDEE FOR A POPULATION OF 165000 PEOPLE 35 000 PEOPLE WHO ARE ILL AND DISABLED.

AS FOR THE PRINCESS ROYAL TRUST FOR CARERS THEY ARE REALLY NOW HELP TO ME AS THERE REMIT IS ONLY SOCIAL SUPPORT AND AVICE CUPS OF TEA AND COFEE WHICH FOR ME DOES NOT REALLY HELP.

THERE CAPAIGNING BODY OFFICE IS APPARENTLY IN GLASGOW WHO DO MOST OR 100 PERCENT OF THE FIGHTING FOR CARERS AND DISBALED PEOPLE FOR CHANGE.

EVERY SINGLE DAY ROSEMARY THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING CROPPING UP OR PREVENTING US IN AN ALREADY MOMUMENTOUS TASK AS CARERS WITH NO MONEY OR POSTIVE RECOGNITION FROM GOVERMENT FOR POSTIVE AND WORTHWHILE VALUE FOR MONEY CHANGE.

ARE CARERS NO GOT VALUE FOR MONEY THIS GOVERNMENT BLOODY HELL DOES NOT CARE A SAUSAGE OR A TOSS.

ACTUALLY THEY REALLY IN SIMPLE TERMS CANNOT AFFORD US CARERS REALLY SO GO FOR SECOND BEST AND GIVE A AFAIR DECENT LIVEABLE WAGE/SALARY WITH NO PURPOSEFUL LEGISLATIVE MONEY BASED BLOCKAGES TO PREVENT US FROM ACTUALLY TRYING TO OR CLAIM TO TRY AND BE ABLE TO KEEP THE WOLF FROM THE DOOR OR IN OTHER TRYING TO STEAL OR PAY PETER AND PAUL.

ROSEMARY DO YOU THINK EMELDA REDMAN WIOULD MAKE SOME SORT OF COMMENT AS TO MY SITUATION AND WHICH IS MOST LIKELY TO BE FACED OR MIRRORD ACROSS THE UK.

I STILL AWAIT THIS ANNOUNCEMENT FOR CHANGE FOR US CARERS BUT DO NOT HOLD OUT HOPE FOR ANY THING THIS YEAR PERHAPS MAYBE 20 TO 30 YEARS TIME.

BY THEN HOW MANY OF US WILL BE LEFT TO DO THE CARING.

THANX AGAIN ROSEMARY

KENNETH2DUNDEENOW FIFE

PLEASE EXCUSE CAPITOLS NOT SHOUTING BUT HIGHLIGHTING THE VARIED CARERS TOPICS ANOTHER FORM OF MAKING THINGS MORE EXPLAINABLE TO THE PUBLIC.