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Getting through to parent that saving money is pointless - Page 4 - Carers UK Forum

Getting through to parent that saving money is pointless

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I don't need counselling! I justify my spending to myself, and I'm managing hubby's account to the satisfaction of the court of Protection, chipping away at the difficulties he was in because of strokes and vascular dementia. He managed ok before he became ill.
Who should councel who James? Advice works both ways.
My friend only has pension credits, nothing else,( apart from her son being generous to her on birthdays etc) . She manages remarkably well, admirably so. Her neighbour, comfortably well of, penny pinches. Who is right?
It's a question of what constitutes a 'treat' for each of us. My friend (of the Gucci handbag and expensive face creams!) will keep trying to 'pamper' me, and gives me very expensive bubble bath and so on, which I never use (they just sit there - sometimes I pass them on!). She is determined to 'treat' me and thinks I am denying myself the pleasure of an expensive bubble bath.

But to me it means nothing - (hardly ever have baths anyway) - and cheap bubbles are just as good as pricey ones.

I can remember giving a friend for her wedding pressy stuff that was, indeed, from the crockery range she wanted, but from a Reject Shop (remember that brilliant Reject Shop for Seconds in Tott.Ct Rd? Brilliant!) - she was severely offended. I hadn't saved money - I'd spent just the same as I would on non-reject stuff but got TWICE AS MUCH FOR THE MONEY!!!!! Hurrah hurrah!

The interesting question, to my mind is WHY we each have the values we do - what 'sets' them, and why? I was raised by war-generation parents, so food waste is anathema to me, because the refrain of 'we lived on half a pint of milk a WEEK' was a chorus of my childhood.

I do think folk should get enjoyment from their spending, whatever it is! It's what saddens me so much about my MIL - she lived entirely within her means, on a bare state pension, and yet now she is blowing the ENTIRE value of her flat, for her dementia care, and doesn't know which way is up, poor soul. Gettiing NO enjoyment from that HUGE amount spent on her care. Dreadful.
jenny lucas wrote:
Mon Mar 12, 2018 4:46 pm
'General face wash'? Is that cheap-as-chips soap?!!! :) (I do hope so!)

It's fascinating, isn't it, how our values are 'set' so to speak. We all know that women are notorious for loving a bargain (another friend of mine, when she's been to the Sales, says her husband always greets her gloomily and says, 'Go on, tell me the worst - tell me how much money you've saved!') (Because the more she's saved, the more she's spent!).

I couldn't spend more than a fiver at most on face cream (eg, poshie stuff on special offer in Boots). I can see that some more expensive face creams feel nicer on the face than cheapie ones, though Nivea Light (are we allowed to name names?) is dead cheap (a pound in Poundland!) and really melts into my skin. Shampoos never seem worth buying expensive brands over cheapies (unless for the scent maybe!).

I guess I 'don't believe' most of the claims of cosmetics companies, and regard them as marketing 'con', and hate the way they disguise a minute jar in a huge box with loads of cardboard to pad it out etc etc.

I think it does boil down to whether you think 'saving money' per se is 'good', and I do. But then I obviously have blind spots (eg, history books!). I think it's about defining 'value' in the end - really subjective. (For example, Paul's dad obviously sets no value on his son's time, but a huge value on having him buy his shopping for him - and from the right supermarket!)
And its free petrol! :-)
I agree everyones spending is different and I'd be the first to say that your outgoings have to be such that what you have lasts especially if you're retired.

But when it gets to the stage where the person (i.e. my dad) is doing without things out of principle when theres no way hes ever going to run out of money and, in effect, struggles because of it is nuts. It becomes an end unto himself and no truer phrase spoken is "you can;t take it with you". Worse of all he also has no idea of how much things cost these days.... Can guarantee if hes ever in my car and I fill it with petrol costing £80 he'll tut and tell me I need my head read paying for petrol like that. (Funny eh? how do I get his shopping then?)

Brothers car broke down again last week so dad gave him £500 for a new one! Quality motor! He said this weekend he was going to give money to my brother and I rather than save it because we might as well have it now. He must have said that about 20 times now. Its as if he knows it makes sense but ultimately he losses his bottle and decides to hold on to it.

I've told him and told him to spend the money a little or it will get taken off him in the event of him going into a home. Its difficult - I dont want the money really and dont want to come across as demanding he pay us out now but it really does make sense.

I've said time and time again - give brother a few £K to buy a decent car. I dont expect the same - if Im ever skint he can the same for me again. But no, £500 in his eyes is a lot for a decent car.