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Getting through to parent that saving money is pointless - Page 3 - Carers UK Forum

Getting through to parent that saving money is pointless

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I think there's often a perception of 'value for money' that is ENTIRELY subjective.

A friend of mine merrily bought a Gucci handbag for £400 (Don't tell your dad, Paul - might finish him off with an apoplexy!). To me, that's an appalling waste of money! (And I don't like the design anyway, and even if I did I'd never spend that much) . But I'd spend £400 (If I had it spare!) on precious jewellery (diamonds/ pearls, etc) - mainly because those seem 'worth' the money (I mean, they're precious jewels!), and also because they won't go out of fashion or rot to pieces in two hundred years time or whatever.

The same friend will spend £20 on face cream at the drop of a hat. Me, let me loose in Oxfam bookshop and I'll come out with half a dozen history books for that much money that I'll never have time to read (as I already have a houseful of history books I haven't yet managed to read). But I LOVE books, and blowing twenty quid on books, especially history books, especially in a charity shop, is my idea of heaven!

But then again, some folk LOVE spending money - they love the sense of 'power' it gives them, love the sense of freedom and wealth. Interestingly, sometimes those who were born poor and then have money later in life ADORE spending it. Or even those who have very little money....eg, my niece, on Pip, loves nothing better than to go out for a meal. Makes her feel less poor, even though she could buy twice/thrice the food in a supermarket for the cost of a meal out.

Its all very subjective (and in the case of your dad, exasperating!)
£400 on a handbag!!! That's the amount my holiday in Malta is costing, excluding suitcase and leg room.
Me eldest son has a Snap On toolbox at work, big enough to do B&B in, well almost.
My husband built a "shed" for his steam engines, to house specifications, even cavity wall and thermal brick so they don't sweat, it was larger than the house we actually lived in!!!!

Whilst we all have our own (silly) priorities in life, it's important to be warm and comfortable, but there are no pockets in shrouds, if you have enough, why not enjoy some of it, especially with residential care at the end which will gobble it all up regardless!?
Maybe we should start a thread!?
I and DD2 do not want to be without a certain cleanse and polish for face. We both compromise, by not purchasing an expensive moisturiser. It's our little thing in life. Doesn't break the bank but more expensive than general face wash. Each to their own treat. It's not a treat to us but feels like an essential!
'General face wash'? Is that cheap-as-chips soap?!!! :) (I do hope so!)

It's fascinating, isn't it, how our values are 'set' so to speak. We all know that women are notorious for loving a bargain (another friend of mine, when she's been to the Sales, says her husband always greets her gloomily and says, 'Go on, tell me the worst - tell me how much money you've saved!') (Because the more she's saved, the more she's spent!).

I couldn't spend more than a fiver at most on face cream (eg, poshie stuff on special offer in Boots). I can see that some more expensive face creams feel nicer on the face than cheapie ones, though Nivea Light (are we allowed to name names?) is dead cheap (a pound in Poundland!) and really melts into my skin. Shampoos never seem worth buying expensive brands over cheapies (unless for the scent maybe!).

I guess I 'don't believe' most of the claims of cosmetics companies, and regard them as marketing 'con', and hate the way they disguise a minute jar in a huge box with loads of cardboard to pad it out etc etc.

I think it does boil down to whether you think 'saving money' per se is 'good', and I do. But then I obviously have blind spots (eg, history books!). I think it's about defining 'value' in the end - really subjective. (For example, Paul's dad obviously sets no value on his son's time, but a huge value on having him buy his shopping for him - and from the right supermarket!)
PS - I think charity shops have lot to answer for by the way! They now 'set' my values for me - if I can buy a jumper for under a fiver, why on EARTH would I spend five or ten times that much buying one from a shop? Insane!!!!!! :)
BB - but some folk would think blowing £400 on a mere WEEK of holiday!!!

(And then others wouldn't go near somewhere as 'lowly' as Malta in the first place, compared with the Carribbean!!!!)

My real bete noire is weddings. I absolutely CANNOT abide blowing money on them! SUCH a total waste to entertain a bunch of ancient relatives and freeloading chums for a DAY.

I'd far rather the money was spent on a fab honeymoon. MUCH better value!

(I come from a family that never gives Xmas pressies as they are such a waste of money - if there's something I want I'll buy it for myself anyway, thank you very much!)
Re the weddings, conversely - a lot of chums these days quite rightly resent having to give up time and money to buy a bridal present, just so they can become the 'admiring audience' of the pampered bride! Esepcially when the wedding (or worse, hen party) takes place abroad, and costs a fortune!

The WORST thing I've come across is a 'salon de luxe' at a wedding, where a room at the venue is set aside so the damn bride can show off all her luxurious wedding pressies!! (Mind you, they used to do that in olden days, but at home - a bride and the bride's mum would invite female friends over to admire the wedding pressies all laid out. Ghastly.)
paul_1607 wrote:
Mon Mar 12, 2018 3:21 pm
James_1802 wrote:
Wed Feb 28, 2018 6:25 pm
I'd be really interested to know what the reasons are for this kind of attitude (I mean, from a psychological or gerontological viewpoint) and why it's so difficult to adjust. "That's just the way they are" doesn't always feel like a sufficient answer for something that is such a big influence in someone's health and care needs.
James I know with my Dad his reasoning is he didnt have money when he was younger so doesnt want to waste it now. He comes from a very poor mining family.

Its completely nuts of course. Hes got enough money now that he could probably never spend it but would rather not spend it and it seems to give him a warm glow. Its not as if he even knows how much hes got but he just likes not spending lol.

He has zero idea how much things cost these days so of course, wont pay for anything. His latest is moaning that hes going to cancel sky because its £60 a month. Thats all he does is watch sport on sky all day so why on earth cancel it?

Yes its expensive but there are no other options. And to be honest, I worked it out for him - hes got enough savings to pay for sky for the next 70 years !!!!!
Funnily enough, I had this conversation with my grandad the other day. I've tended to find that if I have the conversations often enough over a period of time, he can be persuaded about something. He explained that their habits seem to be something that's been with them ever since they were young and married. Life was to be lived frugally so the best could be made of what was had on one person's wage. That stayed the way right through to getting a more comfortable job with better pay and conditions. My nan, for example, has always had a little notebook, jotting down items of spending and totting them up each week. There's absolutely no need to do so anymore, but she does - every banana bought or cereal box compared. An admirable ethos that is at the same time utterly infuriating.

There's perhaps not much hope for counselling people who are already elderly, but I think it makes sense to start counselling those in their 50s or 60s, to start thinking about how their lives have changed, their recent experiences and setting expectations as they get older.
SKIING! Spending kids inheritance. I generally live very modestly, but allow myself holidays now, thanks to my mum leaving me some dosh. Whenever I allow myself a trat, I say a little "thanks". It's sad that she had agaraphobia, I travel to the Med.
It's hard for the older generation (and Alas I'm starting to count myself as that!) to understand the economics of goods and services has changed a great deal.

My mum would go on about 'classic clothes' - probably investment dressing now - that was 'worth spending money on, whereas now clothes are SO cheap ( even shop at Primark sometimes, when I feel like lashing out after too many charity shops!) you can have as much (tat!) as you like.....

In a way, of course, it's dreadful that things like home deliveries are so cheap - because, of course, it means they are done by those trapped in the gig ecomony (for 'trapped' read 'brought into the UK specially to do the crap jobs we won't do for peanuts'....)