Getting Married

[Hannah81]

Hi, I'm recently engaged! I am very excited to plan a wedding but my first thought is how am I going to arrange for my mum to be there all day. Mum has M.S and is in a wheelchair, she needs 2 people to hoist her to take her to the toilet. I would need all the equipment at the venue (not started looking yet) and is need someone to help her eat. I wondered if anyone else has organised their big day around the person they care for?

[crocus]

I know from organising my daughters wedding that big hotels often have wedding venues on the premises and that they also have disabled facilities which would probably be your best bet for the venue. I dont know how to organise the caring side to get people to help her get to the loo and eat though, sorry.

Edit - Forgot to say congratulation

[bowlingbun]

Many congratulations on your engagement. If you don't have a relative who would be happy to help, I wonder if the St. John's Ambulance are active in your area. If so, perhaps they would have someone who could help in return for a donation to their funds? Otherwise if mum has any carers usually, perhaps one of them would like to share the happy event? This would also mean that they could talk about it afterwards.

[LJ.Lilley]

You've had some great suggestions and I don't have anything to add, I just wanted to say congratulations on your engagement

[NanaNana]

Congratulations, great news.

Do you look after your mum entirely on your own? If you have help on a daily basis, you could pay them to be your mum's escort for the day. (daughter paid grandson's ex-nursery nurse teacher to look after him for the entire day when she got married).
St John's is a good place to start. Or a local care agency, where you could perhaps 'hire' an assistant for the day, BUT use them for a while beforehand, so's they get used to mum and vice versa, ready for your big day. And of course, look around and make sure that the disabled toilets are in fact, large enough, to take mum and assistant.
Some of the disabled toilets were unable to fit hubby's large wheelchair inside without being able to shut the door, I had to perform contortions to get to his legbag to empty it down the loo.

[Myrtle]

Congratulations Hannah
Our daughter got married and we arranged it all around her Dad who has exactly the same problem and we all had a fantastic day
Sent you a pm

[Hannah81]

Thank you all so much
It's comforting to know there are options I can explore
Mum has an care agency, she would need someone to take her to the venue and take her home when she gets too tired. Also take her to the loo to change her pad as often as needed, which wouldn't be much as she doesn't drink enough when she is out and about. She refuses to have a catheter, which makes day outings difficult. We always have to get back before the carers turn up which means I can only take her out for a few hours at a time. I'm looking at having the whole day at one venue, but that has upset her as she has always wanted me to get married in a church!
I have asked her if she thinks a catheter would make her life easier but she is worried about getting more infections.
Because she wears pads (adult sized nappies) she would need her hoist at the venue and 2 carers to hoist her. This seems impossible to arrange, like NanaNana said rooms that size are hard to find.
Thanks again everyone

[bowlingbun]

I think all parents imagine their children will one day get married in church, but for many (including me!) it won't actually happen. This is YOUR day and she should be really happy that you are making such an effort to please her. I understand her reluctance to have a long term catheter (hasn't been a good move for one of my carees) but I wonder if a temporary catheter might get round some of the problems? Just a thought, there may be good reasons why it can't happen. I just want you to have the best possible day imagineable. Have you had a recent Carer's Assessment? There might be some extra funding from Adult Services for what is obviously something very special for you as a carer. As I understand it each local authority has money for carers, but each authority administers it differently.

[Catja]

Hi, I'm recently engaged! I am very excited to plan a wedding but my first thought is how am I going to arrange for my mum to be there all day. Mum has M.S and is in a wheelchair, she needs 2 people to hoist her to take her to the toilet. I would need all the equipment at the venue (not started looking yet) and is need someone to help her eat. I wondered if anyone else has organised their big day around the person they care for?

Congratulations Hannah81

I had no option but to do so, given that my (now) husband is also my caree.

So... no reception, no going for drinks afterwards, no meal, no party. Just the legal bit at a very nice Town Hall, and photos in the grounds of it.

Even that exhausted him enough (he's got moderate to severe M.E.) that he relapsed for a fortnight afterwards.

[Lazydaisy]

how about a church with a church hall close by, if you want to get married in church?Church halls often have large side rooms for small functions,so that may be an option with a hoist and whatever your Mum needs.