Gender of Carer

[RachelH]

I was just wondering if anyone could offer me some advice please.

After many months of stress and anxiety (stress from caring itself as well as awful standards from the previous carers) I have finally found a domiciliary care agency for my elderly mother who I think are really good. The issue here though is the carer is male.

Now personally, I don't see this as a problem as not only did mum have male nurses in hospital but also male carers in respite care but both my neighbours say it is wrong to have a male carer care for a female patient, especially one who has dementia, and that I insist on two females but 1. my mother likes him, 2. he is a better carer than anyone we have ever had before 3. he is very professional and 4. like all the other carers he has been CRB checked and referenced.

When the care agency did the assessment I was asked whether I, or my mum, minded a male carer and both my mother and I said we didn't as long as the male carer is always accompanied by a female carer (mum has double up care) but now I'm confused and upset as I was EXTREMELY lucky that this care agency could fit my mother in their schedule. I just see it as making a problem where there isn't one. What do you think. Thank you. Rachel

[pamr]

its very difficult isn't it. when i was in hospital recently, i had a male nurse wash me etc. i did feel a bit embarresed, but told myself that he was used to it and not be silly.

As your mum is happy with the situation and there is two carers one of whom is female, i do not see it as a problem. Especially as he does his job well.

I would say that the neighbours are more of a problem really. you have done what you think is right for your mum and she is happy with it - so no worries in my opinion.

take care.

[Guest]

I agree with pam, your mother is satisfied with the carer, does not mind having him, he is always accompanied by a female carer and the agency correctly sought your and your mother's agreement first, not all do, it really is not her neighbours' business who she has, I would just ignore them.

[charles47]

What works for your mum is what matters. If he's a good worker and does what he's supposed to - and she's comfortable with him - what does it matter what anyone else thinks? Is it any different to a female care worker for a male patient?

[Pete the Paint]

Huh! Your neighbours want to try Caring themselves before they pass judgment on others! They should mind their own darn Business and that's putting it very mildly as I'm on here.

Damn cheek I say upsetting you

Take care

Pete x

[Stacey]

Rachel,

Ask your neighbors if they would mind if they saw a male doctor? I bet they would think it is absolutely fine that a male doctor examines a female patient, and vice versa.

Your neighbors don't have enough to keep themselves occupied with their own business and are dreaming up things to natter about.

Glad you found good carers, keep them.

[Nilla]

When I gave birth to my daughter I had the most fantastic midwife and it was a man They have been trained to do a job and if your happy i would ignore the neighbours. I think men make brilliant carers, round here there has been a big whoo ha about a male nursery nurse, daft or what?

[RachelH]

Pamr: Yes, the neighbours are a problem, one of them in particular is always finding fault but I guess that's what it's like in small villages. She is always telling me to put my mum in a home too...she may think she is giving good advice but sometimes I wish she would keep it to herself.
Parsifal: Mum is very satified with her carer..she thinks he's the bees knees and yes, they are an excellent agency.
Charles: that is exactly how I feel. The palliative care given to my dad (Alzheimers) were from two females and nobody bats an eyelid about that.
Pete: I don't let them see it's upsetting me but it does nonetheless. As I said to Pamr, it's a small village so I guess it's expected. Thanks Pete.
Stacey: It's strange you should say that because the Doctors in our Practice are ALL male!
Nilla: I wouldn't have a problem with a male nurse/carer/nursery staff either....infact, if the carer we have at the moment is anything to go by I would prefer it.

Thanks to all for putting my mind at ease. xx

[entity]

Now personally, I don't see this as a problem as not only did mum have male nurses in hospital but also male carers in respite care but both my neighbours say it is wrong to have a male carer care for a female patient, especially one who has dementia, and that I insist on two females but 1. my mother likes him, 2. he is a better carer than anyone we have ever had before 3. he is very professional and 4. like all the other carers he has been CRB checked and referenced.

I’m concerned.
It’s ok in hospital where there are plenty of people about to keep an eye on your mum (although that’s debatable) but at home it’s a different matter! If the male carer is carrying out personal care this is not acceptable in my eyes even if it’s with a female carer present.

I had two female carers attending my mum at home for over a year, they were friendly likeable people and i felt comfortable enough to leave them while they carried out personal care as it give me an opportunity to get a bath in the mornings.
One day, one of the regular carers reported sick and a new carer was brought into carryout personal care and at the end of the week i got a phone call from the Care manager requesting an urgent visit.
To cut the story short under the ‘no secrets policy the new carer had reported the longstanding carer of abuse and this resulted in a serious investigation taking place and the long standing carer was charged with a criminal offence and placed on the Pova register! Please seek advice from a professional such as a CPN nurse and social services because your mum is a vulnerable person who must be protected.

[charles47]

There's a fine line between what is and isn't acceptable, and individuals have the right to choose. The only thing that is important is to find out how the caree feels about the situation. If they are happy with it, then where's the problem?