[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 585: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
[phpBB Debug] PHP Warning: in file [ROOT]/phpbb/session.php on line 641: sizeof(): Parameter must be an array or an object that implements Countable
Feeling resentment, guilt and love caring for mum - Carers UK Forum

Feeling resentment, guilt and love caring for mum

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Hi everyone ☺
I posted a long time ago about caring for both parents, and how stressed it made me feel. Unfortunately my dad passed away unexpectedly on boxing day last year from sepsis, and now I've just got mum. Looking back, I feel awful about feeling these feelings, but I'm glad I gave my dad some care and comfort and a little bit of happiness as I didn't let him know about my true feelings.
Considering all this ^^ I've now got mum to look after. I thought she wouldn't be as demanding as my dad (demanding is a bad word but I don't know how else to describe it so forgive me). She is mobile, can wash herself and dress herself. But since dad's passing, she's become paralysed. She doesn't move from her chair, has pressure sores etc. She now has more nurses and carers than dad ever did! Incontinence nurse, district nurse, respiratory nurse, social worker and carers. Plus a few more I've forgotten. These carer (single carer) comes in now 3x a day. Mum can no longer please buttons on a microwave, and no longer walk it into living room (refused to eat it on kitchen table which is next to microwave). She can no longer wash up. She has all her meals prepared so all the carer has to do is warm it up.
I go down every weekday morning. My brother, thank goodness, goes down every weekend. He works full time, has a family with 3 kids, and yet she expects him to go down. I'm sure he must feel the same way but doesn't say anything. Stupid me thought with these carers coming in, I can just visit mum. When my mum was younger, she looked after her own mum (with her 3 sisters mind you) and she only went down twice a week. She will tell me sometimes how she always looked after someone, but she had help. My brother, bless him, i feel sorry for him so when I go down I make sure he hasn't got to do very much. And I know, when I go down on a Monday, he thinks the same. I will turn up and things need to be done, which I don't mind, but the carer only left an hour ago and there's another one coming in a few hours?! She's only 69 and I feel like her life is over, but I've looked after them since I was late 20s and I'm 40 now. I'm so tired. I'm sorry for moaning.
Mum sounds so depressed/grief stricken that she cannot do anything for herself.
What does her GP say?
2stressed2parents wrote:
Wed Jul 20, 2022 9:18 am
Hi everyone ☺
I posted a long time ago about caring for both parents, and how stressed it made me feel. Unfortunately my dad passed away unexpectedly on boxing day last year from sepsis, and now I've just got mum. Looking back, I feel awful about feeling these feelings, but I'm glad I gave my dad some care and comfort and a little bit of happiness as I didn't let him know about my true feelings.
Considering all this ^^ I've now got mum to look after. I thought she wouldn't be as demanding as my dad (demanding is a bad word but I don't know how else to describe it so forgive me). She is mobile, can wash herself and dress herself. But since dad's passing, she's become paralysed. She doesn't move from her chair, has pressure sores etc. She now has more nurses and carers than dad ever did! Incontinence nurse, district nurse, respiratory nurse, social worker and carers. Plus a few more I've forgotten. These carer (single carer) comes in now 3x a day. Mum can no longer please buttons on a microwave, and no longer walk it into living room (refused to eat it on kitchen table which is next to microwave). She can no longer wash up. She has all her meals prepared so all the carer has to do is warm it up.
I go down every weekday morning. My brother, thank goodness, goes down every weekend. He works full time, has a family with 3 kids, and yet she expects him to go down. I'm sure he must feel the same way but doesn't say anything. Stupid me thought with these carers coming in, I can just visit mum. When my mum was younger, she looked after her own mum (with her 3 sisters mind you) and she only went down twice a week. She will tell me sometimes how she always looked after someone, but she had help. My brother, bless him, i feel sorry for him so when I go down I make sure he hasn't got to do very much. And I know, when I go down on a Monday, he thinks the same. I will turn up and things need to be done, which I don't mind, but the carer only left an hour ago and there's another one coming in a few hours?! She's only 69 and I feel like her life is over, but I've looked after them since I was late 20s and I'm 40 now. I'm so tired. I'm sorry for moaning.
Perhaps discuss this all with the care company.
2stressed2parents wrote:
Wed Jul 20, 2022 9:18 am
Hi everyone ☺
I posted a long time ago about caring for both parents, and how stressed it made me feel. Unfortunately my dad passed away unexpectedly on boxing day last year from sepsis, and now I've just got mum. Looking back, I feel awful about feeling these feelings, but I'm glad I gave my dad some care and comfort and a little bit of happiness as I didn't let him know about my true feelings.
Considering all this ^^ I've now got mum to look after. I thought she wouldn't be as demanding as my dad (demanding is a bad word but I don't know how else to describe it so forgive me). She is mobile, can wash herself and dress herself. But since dad's passing, she's become paralysed. She doesn't move from her chair, has pressure sores etc. She now has more nurses and carers than dad ever did! Incontinence nurse, district nurse, respiratory nurse, social worker and carers. Plus a few more I've forgotten. These carer (single carer) comes in now 3x a day. Mum can no longer please buttons on a microwave, and no longer walk it into living room (refused to eat it on kitchen table which is next to microwave). She can no longer wash up. She has all her meals prepared so all the carer has to do is warm it up.
I go down every weekday morning. My brother, thank goodness, goes down every weekend. He works full time, has a family with 3 kids, and yet she expects him to go down. I'm sure he must feel the same way but doesn't say anything. Stupid me thought with these carers coming in, I can just visit mum. When my mum was younger, she looked after her own mum (with her 3 sisters mind you) and she only went down twice a week. She will tell me sometimes how she always looked after someone, but she had help. My brother, bless him, i feel sorry for him so when I go down I make sure he hasn't got to do very much. And I know, when I go down on a Monday, he thinks the same. I will turn up and things need to be done, which I don't mind, but the carer only left an hour ago and there's another one coming in a few hours?! She's only 69 and I feel like her life is over, but I've looked after them since I was late 20s and I'm 40 now. I'm so tired. I'm sorry for moaning.
I'm not surprised you are tired when you have been looking after your parents for such a long time! My thoughts: why did you have to care for them before your mum's "paralysis"? Any other disabilities or conditions are here in play? What is the nature of your mum's "paralysis"? Is it diagnosed? She is probably going through the acute phase of grief when all sorts of things can be happening. let's hope this time will pass and you will have a clearer picture. Meanwhile, please look after yourself.