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Feeling down - Carers UK Forum

Feeling down

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
How come can some family members and friends be sending and giving advice from a distance about what could be done better yet don't see any of them coming to visit :( :mad:

Feeling down and useless today, sorry :(
Sue, that's a common problem. One of our members christened these relatives "Helicopters", they drop in very briefly, tell us what else we should be doing to help our carees, when they are doing absolutely nothing, and then fly off again. I had two helicopter brothers. Now one is aggrieved that mum reduced his inheritance and I got the money instead!!!
You have to grow a thick skin and establish a "mind over matter scenario - you don't mind and they don't matter :shock:

Just remember you are NOT useless, keep telling yourself "yes, I'm not perfect and I'm not superwoman" - no-one is - "I am human and I am doing the very best job possible under very difficult circumstances". I'm a firm believer in "Karma" their attitude will eventually come back to bite them on the backside their failings are not your responsibility ; you are only responsible for yourself and your Mum :)
Tell them Yup, I'm totally useless. You do it. Then b****ger off and leave them too it.

Alternatively, don't let them in the door. And if you do, make sure YOU go out as they come in!

Then open a bottle of wine and toast them perdition!!!!

I strongly believe in karma, and my take on them would be to say 'They'll learn...oh, they'll learn.....one fine day, it will be THEM coping with what I cope with.....'
Thank you, ladies, for your wonderful advice! Helicopters is a very good description :)

I also believe in Karma and all your words cheered me up - thanks a million! :D

A toast to us all as carers! Bless your hearts!

I too love the expression helicopters!
Am so fortunate now that my family are there for me and hubby.
However,my eldest sister was a helicopter when our mother was terminally ill. Her religion came first. On the day mom was taken to hospital,she said we were on our way you know to take over from you.
My lovely younger sister did all she could. Bully for the older one!
Then at the funeral, she and her hubby tut tutted at the service, shook heads to show they disagreed!
Just a memory I felt the sudden need to share.
Some of us with helicopter siblings find it helps to be paid (albeit at low rates) for at least some of the care hours we give. That means when an estate is finally shared the helicopter siblings who seem to think they are due equal shares still feel vindicated but you would have had extra over time.
Just an idea, but it does help me bear the helicopter's whirring with a wry inner smile
I completely agree with Mrs A. Pay yourself for what you do, if only to stop the helicopter putting their hand out for 'equal shares' (NO WAY!). The 'reading of the will' is a sure beacon for the Helicopters to land! It's like painting a big H on your roof!!!!! :)