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Family leaving me with all the responsibility - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Family leaving me with all the responsibility

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Hi Kay,

I could give you a giant hug as I know what you are going through. In my family it's my Sister who disappeared for the past two years and refused to help with care. Then she has relationship issues and suddenly Mum is her best friend when she has the gall to ask Mum for 22 thousand pounds...

Your Brother obviously has a nice life, why not share some of his luxury with you Mum?
Thank you all for your replies. It's been a while but I'm in a much better emotional place now.

I agree that I don't HAVE to do what I do but I WANT to.
I,v now got some support from a couple of great carers and have now taken on a type of care manager role as suggested by BB. This means that I can support my parents with appointments and social activities rather than daily domestic life, which gives a much better balance for us all.

The biggest struggle has been acceptance. Accepting that I have one view of what I think is the right thing to do and my bother has another, he will not change his view and neither will I. So I feel I have accepted that now which does actually make me feel better rather than bitter and angry about it.

I was very angry and bitter and glad that feeling has gone away.
Thank you all for your support.
Pleased to hear that Kay :)
Just wanted to add that you are not alone. Unfortunately families seem consistent in letting carers down. I haven’t had a break in six years. After breaking down a family member said, several months ago, they would come down on the Friday and go home this Monday leaving me to have a long break. Unfortunately they’ve just texted to say they have a cold and can’t come. I do appreciate that they appear to be being considerate of my dad’s needs but it’s not the first time. I will have to cancel my plans as at this short notice I can’t get any help. It’s so depressing and a reminder of how on your own you are as a carer. I suppose we just have to face facts and realise despite all the good intentions of others we’re going to help they would have done so already. They may give well intentioned words and promises but all they are is words.
Faye, remind us of your circumstances? Is there no change of hiring a live-in carer for the weekend (if not this one, but another one!). My friend, also 'on her own' with her dad living with her (dementia) simply bit the bullet and paid (over a hundred pounds a day, sigh) for a carer from an agency to 'do what she did' (including nights!).

Yes, expensive, but sod it, YOUR life is important too....

Is there no way you (or rather, your caree!!!!!) can stretch to this, at least once in a while?

It's OUTRAGEOUS that you haven't had a break in six years. Just appalling!
Thank you for the response. I'm an only child (my parents are divorced) and care for my father who is severely disabled. He lives on his own but receives a care package (he's had the same hours for the last 27 years when he first had a stroke). I was told that my fathers health was declining last year (he's terminally ill)- we asked for his hours to be reviewed, The council said they were intending to cut the hours- we appealed and they have kept them as they were. In addition to too few hours we also have problems with the carers- they don't turn up, they are inconsistent, don't speak e flush - the list of problems has been endless. Despite numerous complaints to the council, walking away for them to address the gaps nothing seems to change. This month alone two safeguarding issues have been raised (including one where the carers didn't come out, Dad fell, his personal alarm didn't work and he was left on the floor all night) , reports written and nothing happens.

I'm exhausted but really love my dad which keeps me going. It's comforting to know that others manage to keep going and it's not just me. But I suppose that is also a bit depressing??
Do you think finances would run either to him having a week in respite care or as I suggested a 'weekend live in carer'.

Sorry if that's a 'pie in the sky' question, but if it's at ALL possible, I would urge it. You just can't keep going without a break.

You say 'terminally ill' - what will happen to YOU when it happens? I do hope YOU are financially secure against that day....