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Families - Page 2 - Carers UK Forum

Families

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Nikki,

All aids required must be provided by the NHS before discharge, so no one needs to buy one. In fact it's really important that an Occupational Therapist arranges aids to ensure that they are appropriate.
bowlingbun wrote:
Wed Sep 04, 2019 8:02 am
Nikki,

All aids required must be provided by the NHS before discharge, so no one needs to buy one. In fact it's really important that an Occupational Therapist arranges aids to ensure that they are appropriate.
This, and when we say provided, it means the OT sorts out what equipment is needed, and it is dropped off where the person is going to be living - before they arrive home to ensure as smooth/safe transition as possible.

The other side of that coin is that any outside help coming in to assist with the individual, will usually want to carry out their own risk assessments on any new features/equipment added before they allow their employees to "interact" with it, presumably for health and safety, liability and insurance purposes (basically admin stuff)

Also

If constant assistance is likely to be needed for nourishment from this point its generally sensible to have a food/observation diary so theres an accessible record of food/liquid taken so you have your own separate from whatever is in the care plan.

Where medication dispensing/administering is involved records of those (MARS) are handy too, as well as body maps (monitoring skin integrity and other things etc) for personal care.

So if say, we have an emergency admission for main caree - I simply pickup the drug sheet, latest body map and diary along with the other things - we all keep this stuff in our heads, but when we're in a crisis it adds clarity to have that stuff in front of you. I know you probably have all this covered but I like highlighting it for the sake of others passing through as well who may take interest in your thread

Best wishes
Stephen_16071 wrote:
Wed Sep 04, 2019 12:07 am
I think the important question to ask your family, GS in particular. If Mum does come home, how much time are they going to spend with her, will the Sister be taking her on day trips and the money thralled Grandson the same.

Or will they all just disappear leaving you with the burden, until Mum next goes into hospital before circling round again.

In my situation my Dad passed away leaving no Will, meaning everything was left to my Mum who suffers from Vascular Dementia. I instantly accepted I would have no inheritance and care for my Mum...

My Sister on the other hand has made our life a misery, trying to claim money from Dads estate, trying to stop Mum from going to restaurants and enjoying herself. Visiting Mum in her nursing home and asking for over £20,000, texting me saying Mum had agreed to give her the money, only for Mum to appear in complete shock when I asked if it was true.

Now going on about Court of Protection as she thinks some debts will be paid of that way.... Family suck...I always say, its Mum and I versus the World...


It's horrendous isn't it? I don't know how long GS is spending at the hospital - not long I suspect. I've got to the point where I'm biting my lip so hard it almost bleeds. The latest is GS continually chelping about her 'holidays' (dunno from what, she's not worked a day in her life). I vaguely remember her muttering something when we were waiting with Mum in A&E about having to cancel but I assumed it was a done deal. Now I understand she's trying one of her usual tricks, looking for permission to go. 'He wants to go, I don't really want to go, but he wants to' over and over. She's hoping Mum will tell her she should go just to shut her up. Any sort of person would tell the partner that her Mum's ill and she's needed at home but that isn't how GS works unfortunately. She blames someone else for wanting something so she can't possibly be held accountable. It's never her fault and GS familiar wail of 'what can I do?' will ring out and I'll end up dealing with everything as per.


I shall certainly make a point of having a family meeting to establish who is going to do what. I'd do anything for Mum but there are the two of us and three adult grandsons and out of all of us I'm the only one working but because I'm the 'spinster' daughter it seems to be assumed that I have no other calls on my time, no social life or other existence that can't be abandoned.


I fear WORDS may be spoken before long and these will be ones that can't be taken back.


Incidentally I was surprised myself when GS said that she'd been told to source a shower chair and what not. I thought it was more likely that the hospital would provide it. Typical of GS that she'd mess up the one message she had to carry. They probably told her that Mum would need one rather than us having to provide it ourselves.


Families eh? That's why I stuck with cats. :roll:
Stephen
Court of protection won't help with debts! They accept the fact that the guardian is doing their best to sort out the debts. If not satisfied they will take over finance's. I chipped away at hubby's to their satisfaction. If they thought I was overspending they would have questioned. Your sister is living in fantasy land. As you know, court of protection isn't a easy way out.
Thanks Pet, I do realise this, it is more complicated as my Sisters debt is against our home. An agreement we all made in good faith when my Dad was still alive, my sister personally promised me nothing could go wrong, insurance bleh etc..

Stupid move by me and poor Mum had no choice due to Dads POA. Since Dad passed away as the debt is in all of our names she won't stop until it is paid of by Mum, she even stooped so low as to text me saying a Mortgage advisor wanted to talk to me.

She received £45,000 to put a deposit on her house, putting our family home at risk in the process. Mum and I received nothing, yet she keeps claiming it is "OUR" debt.. To be honest, I don't know how she lives with herself...

Sorry, I didn't mean to take over this post from the OP, but it is yet another warning about how low family will stoop for money...
The other shoe has just dropped. My blasted GS just rang me to tell me she and her partner were naffing off. They must have known for a few days that they were still going which is bad enough but that they left it so late to tell me. God knows what we would have done if Mum had been home already. I would have been thoroughly landed. I wondered why she kept asking the nurses what was happening and now I know. They've decided that Mum won't be going straight home and they are moving her to inpatient rehab which is a bl**dy good thing because I would never have coped. I wouldn't have been able to get leave - they are going tomorrow so that would have left me sod all opportunity to make other arrangements.

To same I'm livid is an understatement. I am absolutely incandescent. WORDS were exchanged I can tell you. If she'd had a Caribbean cruise booked months ago I would have been more understanding but they only decided this a short while ago and all i heard was her belly aching about losing some money on the room. This from a woman who blithely wafts around a 4K watch and merrily tells anyone who'll listen that she has four at home and her partner at least 20 as an investment.

This is the final straw. She's done this kind of thing to me before and this is absolutely the final time.
NEVER EVER rely on anything she says! Then you will never be disappointed.
bowlingbun wrote:
Fri Sep 06, 2019 9:44 pm
NEVER EVER rely on anything she says! Then you will never be disappointed.


You aren't wrong there. I struggle as it is with working, Mum and the animals. I'm in and out like a fiddler's elbow and she does damn all. Sadly I'm not even surprised anymore, just disappointed. After our phone row she text me to tell me something she was supposed to order for Mum would be arriving next week. I was tempted to text her and ask if she wanted a standing ovation or would a simple round of applause suffice but I restrained myself.

Well, I've no choice but to march on as usual.
Stephen_16071 wrote:
Fri Sep 06, 2019 12:00 am
Thanks Pet, I do realise this, it is more complicated as my Sisters debt is against our home. An agreement we all made in good faith when my Dad was still alive, my sister personally promised me nothing could go wrong, insurance bleh etc..

Stupid move by me and poor Mum had no choice due to Dads POA. Since Dad passed away as the debt is in all of our names she won't stop until it is paid of by Mum, she even stooped so low as to text me saying a Mortgage advisor wanted to talk to me.

She received £45,000 to put a deposit on her house, putting our family home at risk in the process. Mum and I received nothing, yet she keeps claiming it is "OUR" debt.. To be honest, I don't know how she lives with herself...

Sorry, I didn't mean to take over this post from the OP, but it is yet another warning about how low family will stoop for money...
Don't worry about giving vent. It sounds as if you are 'blessed' with a monster sister like mine. You do wonder if they see the same person as us when they look in the mirror. GS wants us to validate her behaviour by pestering Mum to agree that of course they can't waste the money they'd lose. Silly me, I thought you didn't pay for hotels etc until you'd used them. They might lose a deposit of course but surely that can't be a fortune.

I lost it with GS big time last night. I told her that I'd got up at 6am, fed and sorted the animals before getting in to work at 8:30 facing 8 hours of slog popping up to see Mum for 15 mins at lunchtime [fortunately I work in the hospital where Mum is] then 3 hours with her after work before tottering home to sort out the animals including cleaning a 90l fish tank and finally put on a hot meal about 8:45. She picked the wrong day to expect me to agree that she just MUST have her 6th holiday of the year despite her never working a day in her life and lolling about on benefits the entire time. (I'm not having a go at benefits at all - used to work at our local benefits office so I know what hardship people suffer - but GS has such a massively inflated sense of her own entitlement).

Now I am ranting!
Nikki
Why do spend so much time and energy in your waste of space sister? Put answer phone on, block her calls and let go of any ideas of her helping. You are the important one, sort help for you and for Mum as your priority. Your reward will come. Karma rules.
Xx
MrsA
P.S. my sis is known as the PDDQ Prima Donna Drama Queen or WWW wicked witch of the west :lol: