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What happens if the carer - me - dies first? - Carers UK Forum

What happens if the carer - me - dies first?

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Trying to fathom out the likely pathway for my wife's care if I go first.
We are in England.
My wife has PPMS which manifests itself as inability to stand unaided and no prospect of walking. So she needs 24 hour help and that is my job. She has some problems gripping and holding things... she can feed herself but not get the Guardian magazine out of it's plastic bag so no cooking.
We live in our own house. She could not live here alone.

Anyone got any idea what would happen after my demise? ie live in a care home? would she have to sell house? who would pay? If you need more info ask me. If no-one knows, anyone know who would?

Hi Jim, if she wishes, you wife could stay in the family home with a full package of support. Make sure she has regular Needs Assessments done by Social Services, and you should also have regular Carers Assessments. Also have a look at the NHS Continuing Healthcare Checklist Assessment. IF your wife qualifies, either now or in the future, all care would be entirely FREE. It can be either in her home, or a care home.
Thanks for the places to look. Will have a peek.

So are we saying that she would have a carer 24 hours a day as now? Except there is only one of me. The house would need some hoists as all help we have had objected to lifting and would they try to do it all on ground floor... with building work done to add facilities?
Of course carers are probably the wrong people to ask as you can't give your experiences once you are gone... :(
Hi there James

I think it is probably a question for Social Service at your Carers Assessment or your wife's needs assessment. Here in Dorset they run "carers in crisis" which takes care of immediate needs should anything untoward happen to the main carer. Perhaps your local authority operate a similar scheme. Definitely best to speak to SS and put your mind at rest, or find out if you need to organise anything just in case.

Scroll down to where it says Carers in Crisis and click on the "read carers in crisis leaflet" then open the download as an example
http://www.poole.gov.uk/health-and-soci ... -in-Crisis
Thanks Henrietta, I'll try Beds website. We have never asked anyone before. We are ok if I am ill. That was sorted by the Council but it was only for a week or so. We are not so concerned that all our assets may go...C'est la vie. It is just not knowing the plan...
James, I suggest that if you haven't already done it, that you organise POAs for your wife. On the POAs your wife can nominate attorneys to take over should you no longer be able to act, eg you're dead.
So on the Health POA you know that someone, (or more than one) family member, trusted friend, solicitor, will act on your wife's behalf, if she cannot act fully for herself, to determine where she lives and all aspects of her health care. Ditto financial POA. These are legal documents and the attorneys must act in her best interests and only if your wife had no capacity to make her own decisions can they act alone. (Or jointly).
If you haven't looked into this before, go onto the .gov website, look up POA and read all the info. You can fill in the forms on the site, print off, get signed in the right order and post off to be registered. Takes a couple of months and costs £110.00 each one, but well worth it.
You could also make provision in your will, which entails a visit to a solicitor, to make sure your will sets out exactly what you want with no loopholes when it comes to provision for your wife.
Hopefully none of the above will be needed but this is the right kind of 'insurance'.
PS. Has the Occupational Therapist assessed your lady wife? They will provide free standing or ceiling hoists 'on loan' plus hospital bed etc etc if deemed needed.
Our SW told us that if my husband and I were to go first they would not allow our son to stay in this adapted flat which he is the main tenant of as they would not be willing to pay for the 24/7 support he would need and they would simply place him (at the age of 30!) into an old folk's home where he would probably die rapidly as they are not set up to deal with his high level of need (24/7 ventilated and severely physically disabled). Can you imagine my University graduate son in a place with folk with dementia/alzheimers? it doesn't bear thinking of so we will just have to live longer than he does.....

I think Eun has the answer. I think my wife would be put somewhere like that.
Thank you