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Erm, help? - Carers UK Forum

Erm, help?

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
On friday the 29th of this month I am going into the John Radcliffe for the 12th operation on my right ear after suffering cholasteatoma back in 2000, this means that I have to leave my wife (My caree) and my daughter for the day.

My wife doesnt drive and my immediate family who live 100 miles away north and south of me are unable to help, a freind of mine is coming to the hospital with me in order to be able to drive me home as I wont be allowed behind the wheel for 3 weeks after the op due to balance and dizziness issues from the op.
My wife will be staying at home as it is too long a day to have our daughter out and hospital is no place for a baby, BUT, no one will be here to care for her and im extremely concerned about this as her recent MRi scan have revealed that she has suffered another stroke since the main one a couple of months ago even though neither me nor my wife knew anything about these extra strokes. Couple that with her issues that I am a carer for leaves me very uncomfortable to leave her alone for the day.
In addition to this the op will leave me unwell for a few days, upto a week before I will be able to function properly myself, I would like to put the operation off but its not an option as the condition I have can be fatal if left (It can cause brain tumours, meningitis etc)
Ive had zero time to prepare for this as the hospital rang today to say they have had a cancellation and that my surgeon would like me in, I THINK the op was scheduled for sometime in August originally but I hadnt received any notification of it.

Im worried about how my wife will cope for the day (she says she will be ok but then she would) and how im going to manage for at least a week thereafter.
Hi Simon,

Crikey, that's a lot to be dealing with. Are you in touch with your local Crossroads Service? Here is a link for them - it looks like they might be able to help?


Love cupcake xxxx
Simon, i dont know what to suggest but i didnt want to read your post and say nothing.

Has your wife no friends that could call in thr the day to help out.

I hope it goes well, if i could drive i could maybe of helped you both out as im not that far from reading..but i dont drive..hope you get something sorted.
Have sent a PM
My heart goes out to you Simon as I would be in the same position as you.
I don't have a Crossroads in my area, but I hope you do as they might be able to help. Otherwise, I can only suggest you either contact your Social Worker or maybe ask the hospital where you are going if they have a volunteer service or if they know where you could get help.
I hope all goes well for your operation and that you can manage somehow to get someone to care for your wife.
First port of call your local social services who should have an emergency care plan to follow. Failing that then the hospital social worker should be able to put some plan into action, especially if your condition is life threatening and you say you may have to consider postponing as the worry regarding your wife and child whilst you are away will put your BP through the roof and may affect the hospital`s willingness to operate or let you go home the same day.

Good luck

Take care
Hope the op goes well Simon and that the ss can sort out some help for you.
Let us know how it goes.
Thanks guys
I have been in touch with Crossroads, they are coming to see me in the morning but are already looking at who is available to come and be with Collette all day and possibly overnight on Friday in case I dont get allowed out as im a bit dodgy with anaesthetics.
I will also be speaking to them to see if there is any additional support over the next 3 weeks whilst I recover. Certainly for the first 3 days whilst I try and shake off the anaesthetic (it really does take me that long) I will need some additional help.

I honestly dont know what I would do without you lot, to be honest I would probably have had a breakdown myself and run away if it wasnt for the support I have on here, so

Thank You
Hi. I live in the same county as you and am having my own battle regarding care, shout loud and keep at it!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is there no longer any support from Stroke UK? I know they had a huge shake up but wondered if they might be able to help.

Really hope all goes well for the op and you get the care sorted asap.
Thats great that they are able to help out, a worry off your mind at least, good luck with the op..take care of yourself too x