Advice needed: marriage under strain/adjusting to new circs

[Niki]

A friend who's recovering from brain injury (not resulting in major personality changes, major changes in lifestyle or anything like that) is finding that their marriage is under pressure. Both spouses are self-employed, and there's not much money/work coming in. I suspect both being stuck at home isn't helping either. The non-injured spouse is not being particularly supportive (pulling their weight?) - and indeed in my opinion could have been rather more supportive in the immediate aftermath of the injury, too. I know it must be a huge shock to suddenly find your loved one incapacitated and be faced with the prospect that they may never be 100% better, but at the same time that's why you commit to "in sickness and in health", isn't it? It's not as if major care responsibilities or anything are now involved!

So, my question is, is there anything in the way of support services I could point them towards which might be of help? Something more targeted to their situation than simple marriage guidance? Medical help? (depression might also be involved, I suppose). They're not exactly living in a densely populated part of the country, so I'm not sure how much might be available locally. Benefits? (unlikely, I presume - and I would assume that any possible options should have been discussed during rehab).

Many thanks for any suggestions.

[karma]

Online benefits checkers

https://www.entitledto.co.uk/
https://www.turn2us.org.uk/
Also CAB will do similar checks and advise with the couple's income figures supplied.

Medical help, GP could suggest or refer to neuropsychologist or similar, or counselling offered by surgery

https://www.headway.org.uk/

Not often are the social and financial implications of a head injury, acquired or traumatic felt immediately, and the NHS who provide the rehab, do not tend to focus on this aspect.

If its a BI caused by stroke or SAH, this forum is wonderful
https://web.behindthegray.net/
Or
https://www.neurotalk.org/traumatic-bra ... -syndrome/

[Niki]

Thank you, karma - I'm most glad you joined up!

[bowlingbun]

Hi Nikya,

It would help if ou could give an idea of ages, occupations, and the nature of the brain injury.

I've had my world "turned upside" down a few times, and from my experiences I expect they are both traumatised at the moment. Their old "normal" has disappeared replaced by a world they know little about. An element of grieving will be involved. I don't think phrases like "pulling their weight" or reminders of the marriage vows are especially helpful. Also worried sick about how they are going to survive financially.

They are probably struggling every day, so maybe you could help them find out if they are entitled to help, or some benefits, so that at least one can work knowing the other is OK?

[Niki]

Well, I was doing my best not to link the two publicly, but it's this one:

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support- ... 54#p391354

Most of the info should be in there. Ages: pushing 60, I'd guess. Oh, and I was wrong: she's not covered for critical illness - she let the cover lapse to save money ...

Obviously, I've been highly restrained in what I can say on a public forum, and financial matters and so on are obviously hugely important, but right at this moment from what I'm picking up I'd say counselling/support re their relationship and dealing with the aftereffects of the injury is urgently needed.

I'd thought I'd seen something to the effect that even the self-employed were entitled to some sort of state sickness benefit when it came down to it, but now I'm looking for it everything seems to say the opposite.

[bowlingbun]

Self employed people DO have a right to sickness benefit or similar, I know my husband claimed it once for a few weeks.
If they have any private pension, it may be payable for long term disability at this age, IF work is going to be out of the question now?
If the injury is from an accident, compensation should be available.

[karma]

Well, I was doing my best not to link the two publicly, but it's this one:

https://www.carersuk.org/forum/support- ... 54#p391354

Most of the info should be in there. Ages: pushing 60, I'd guess. Oh, and I was wrong: she's not covered for critical illness - she let the cover lapse to save money ...

Obviously, I've been highly restrained in what I can say on a public forum, and financial matters and so on are obviously hugely important, but right at this moment from what I'm picking up I'd say counselling/support re their relationship and dealing with the aftereffects of the injury is urgently needed.

I'd thought I'd seen something to the effect that even the self-employed were entitled to some sort of state sickness benefit when it came down to it, but now I'm looking for it everything seems to say the opposite.

Get hold of local SS for care and needs assessment, as previously said the longer term implications of SAH are not always evident, she will have more fatigue, her thoughts may be disordered etc. This impacts on ability to work, and relationships..

This link maybe helpful regarding which benefits applicable when Self employed..

https://www.simplybusiness.co.uk/knowle ... -employed/

Scottish welfare benefits slightly different, and this link could prove very useful
https://www.gov.scot/policies/social-se ... -benefits/

Get them/her to contact CAB Scotland https://www.cas.org.uk/ for advise

Hope these help

PS: You need to tick the bottom box under your post or reply (options selections) to get notified of reply to a thread, just found it myself

[Deirdre_2011]

Do they have children? Perhaps they should think more about their future together.

[Melly1]

This is an old thread, I'm locking it.