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Carers UK Forum • Elderly mother.
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Elderly mother.

Posted: Tue May 17, 2022 2:46 pm
by Marie_1407
HI all, my Mum is early 70's. She had several mini strokes in 2019 and is primarily cared for by my Dad who still works part time. I do some shopping for them every week which I take to them and I always stop for a long chat. They see my sister every week too who takes them shopping and they see their grand daughter and her husband. She's started saying that she never sees us or that we are always too busy for her & I dread to think who else she's saying this too who doesn't actually know we do see her. I really don't know why she would say that when she see's us all every week for several hours. Is is because of the stroke? Many thanks.

Re: Elderly mother.

Posted: Tue May 17, 2022 5:51 pm
by Melly1
Hi Marie,


Yes, strokes can affect short term memory https://www.stroke.org.uk/effects-of-st ... d-thinking

How about starting a diary or a wall calendar - everyone who visits can write a note in the diary or put their names on the calendar as a visual reminder that they have visited. Also means visitors can talk to her about who has she has seen, to help reinforce her memory of the visits.

Also, if previously she led a busy life and now she can't, the time between visits may well feel longer to her.

Melly1

Re: Elderly mother.

Posted: Tue May 17, 2022 7:26 pm
by Breezey
I agree with what Melly said.

My mother has had a lot of TIAs and at times her short term memory can be poor on a bad day.

It could be a conscious or subconscious vulnerability with your mum especially when she is alone when your father is at work or just plain boredom at those times.

Also strokes can affect the ability to quantify things and express them, they might not have the words there, they have an inkling but can't get it out or they know exactly what it is but the words won't come or they can't actually get those words out. My mum gets those kinds of incidents.

Sometimes you have to read between the lines for things they don't want to say.
She might be worried she has limited time before a fatal stroke and wants to have more time with you all, there's no knowing unless you can read her mind.
She might just be bored and want some lively company and fresh conversation.

Re: Elderly mother.

Posted: Tue May 17, 2022 7:49 pm
by Marie_1407
Thank you, that has really helped to me to understand things better. It's so sad to see her like this and feel so helpless compared to the strong woman she once was :(

Re: Elderly mother.

Posted: Wed May 18, 2022 8:56 pm
by Breezey
Marie

It is devastating for all family members.
A stroke can really knock the confidence and can take several months or more to regain.
It's very complex and there's the generic traits for everyone and the unique bits to each person.

If you have a stroke club nearby and you can get along to a meeting or two you will find it informative and you might get some tips and suggestions from them for her.

Re: Elderly mother.

Posted: Fri May 20, 2022 4:15 pm
by Marie_1407
Breezey wrote:
Wed May 18, 2022 8:56 pm
Marie

It is devastating for all family members.
A stroke can really knock the confidence and can take several months or more to regain.
It's very complex and there's the generic traits for everyone and the unique bits to each person.

If you have a stroke club nearby and you can get along to a meeting or two you will find it informative and you might get some tips and suggestions from them for her.
Many thanks Breezey, I will look into that. I have also signed up to the Stroke Association which has been helpful but a local group would be great. Thank you again.

Re: Elderly mother.

Posted: Fri May 20, 2022 7:19 pm
by Breezey
Hi Marie
I hope you get some like minded contacts there and it is helpful to you and for your mother and father.
You can hear first hand about situations like yours if there are or has been anyone in that position.

My mother was unable to get to any because they meet in the morning and due to post stroke fatigue she has no hope of getting to them! I had a colleague who's father had strokes and a colleague who had survived two TIAs.

It is a massive life changer and constant adjustments for your mother and yourselves.
Strokes are cruel. The body is amazing at recovery but a stroke is a head injury and brain damage.
They can also trigger dementia. So if you do not have POAs set up, do them.

My mother is sharp as a knife, still has all her faculties but her short term memory is poor on a bad day.
I don't know if it is the strokes or age, I think the latter, but she loses sense of time on a bad day and 10 mins or 20 mins can seem like a few hours.