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Does anyone find other relatives bury there head in sand? - Page 3 - Carers UK Forum

Does anyone find other relatives bury there head in sand?

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
That's right, their behaviour has been designed to manipulate you, to undermine your confidenc,e to make you think that you are worthless for anything other than caring for your grandmother. It's absolutely despicable to treat anyone with this sort of behaviour, even worse to do it to a member of your own family.

It's not true, you are clearly very kind and caring.

A "normal" family would encourage you to reach the very best that you are capable of, to live life to the full, to enjoy yourself, make friends. I suspect none of this has really ever happened?

There are lots of us on the Carers Forum with children of your age, let us help and support you as much as possible. What you really need though is someone local to talk things through with. Is there a Carers Support Worker in your area?

Remember, the next time anyone raises their voice to you, pick up your coat and handbag and leave. Immediately.
I'm SO glad you've got your own place! That's brilliant.

As for your aunt - well, she's a despicable human being.

Sarah, I think that one of the saddest things in your situation is that you are longing and longing and longing for your aunt to become a better human being - perhaps even to become like your mum was?

I find it very telling, you know, that it is your aunt that your gran always valued more than your mum. This is a very, very dangerous situation for both you, and your mum. The fault starts and ends with your gran, I'm afraid.

That is because she made your aunt 'the golden girl', the favoured child, and only SHE was the one your gran wanted. I'm afraid, if you read other people's posts on the forum, you will see this is not unusual. One parent 'dotes' on ONE of the children, BECAUSE THEY REMIND THEM OF THEMSELVES!

in other words, your aunt is MOST like your Gran, just as you are MOST like your mum - the mum that looked after your gran - but wasn't valued or fawned over like her horrible selfish sister, your aunt.

I also think, you know, very, very sadly, that you long for your gran to be a 'loving grandparent, to lov you the way you longed to be loved, now that your poor mum was taken from you.

Again, it's very common for an 'unloved' child (grandchild in your case) to put up with all sorts of bad treatment, hoping and hoping and hoping that 'one day' the person they so desperately want to love them (in your case your gran) will finally appreciate you and love you back.

But they don't and they won't. They can't, it's not in them. They are selfish, and, I say this quite deliberately 'wicked' people. It could be that they have personality disorders (look that up on the Internet - horrendous! People who ONLY think about themselves and use everyone else the way you are being used by your gran and your aunt.)

I know you say your gran cries for you when you aren't there - but it is not because she loves you. It's because you aren't there 'looking after her'.

It's hurtful, I know, to hear this, and I don't meant to hurt you. The one person who DOES love you is your mum - and she was taken from you. But for her sake, for the love she for you, please, please walk away from these two 'wicked people' - your gran and your aunt. They are exploiting you, abusing you and they DO NOT love you.

Sarah, you'll find someone to love who is worthy of your love one day. You'll marry and have children and make a happy family, and be loved dearly by your husband and your children, and you'll lbe a FANTASTIC wife and mum!

But it can't happen while you are the slave of your gran, and the slave of your selfish, selfish aunt, who only wants to use you to look after the mother SHE should be looking after, but refuses to because oh, that would interfere with her lovely lovely life, wouldn't it?

As I say to you, only YOU can save yourself. Please do now make precise plans for what you will be doing next week. That's the 1st April on Saturday. You'll need to tell your gran's GP, and any social workers who deal with her, that you are leaving the house on Saturday mornig, and not coming back. They msut arrange emergency care for your gran. Take everything that is yours from her house, and if I were you, I'd use this week to get a spare set of keys cut, two lots, then hand one in to her GP in an envelope, for them to use to get access, and another to take with you 'just in case' you need to go back to get something for yourself.

Then go back to your rented flat, and have a great weekend with friends, preferably. This time next week you'll be job hunting. Don't worry about what job you get to begin with, any one will do, it's just to be able to tell the GP that you now work full time, and will NOT be going back to do ANYTHIGN for your gran. If they put her into a care home you'll visit, but that's all.

DO NOT tell your aunt what you are doing ,as she will do EVERYTHIGN (like a wicked witch!) to put that evil spell back on you that says 'SARAH YOU MUST SLAVE FOR YOUR GRAN!'. Give your aunt's address and phone number to the GP/social worker.

You have to be firm on this. Your gran, your aunt, and very probably the GP/SW will try and 'reel you back in' like a fish, so you MUST resist that.

Please be strong for yourself, and for your poor mum. She would HATE to think she is not here to protect her daughter from the slavery her mother and sister have put her to.

Wishign you ALL the best. This time next week you'll be FREE!!!!!

Kindest hopes for you, Jenny
Thankyou for taking the time to speak to me,even tho the majority is just me ranting most of the time.
I feel quite pathetic saying this but I do crave some sort of motherly love,me and my mum were so close,she was my best friend and we were always together.
She looked after me and cared for me so well and then obviously she was taken away.
I hope things turn around soon and I meet someone and can build my own family
Sarah, my dear girl - your mother gave you the most precious gift possible - the ability to love. She taught you how to love, and one day you'll be passing that gift on to your own children.

I'm sorry to have spoken so harshly about your gran (not about your aunt, she deserves every harsh word in the book!), but from the way you describe how she speaks to you when you are only trying to help, the contempt and venom and sneering (saying you have nothing better to do than slave for you), I really can't feel any sympathy for her at all. You've given YEARS AND YEARS of your PRECIOUS YOUTH to her - your twenties will never come back, and enough is ENOUGH.

You have a wonderful decade ahead of you. The thirties are great - still young and with 'all the world before you' but with a wiser head on your shoulder maybe than in your twenties. You have paid your dues over and over again, now is the time to claim your own life, as your mother would wish you to do. The thirties are the decade for 'settling down' with a good man, and starting a family. That's why you really shouldn't delay. And also for making a career for yourself too - something you haven't been able to do at all.

What are your plans for tomorrow? I mean, in respect of Project Freedom!!!

Wishing you ALL the best - yesterday was Mother's Day, so I'm sure you felt it particularly. My son is growing up without his dad (lost him to cancer, as you did your mum), but I know he knows that his dad is ALWAYS wanting the best for him, and wants only that his beloved son has a wonderful life. Your mum wishes that for you too.

And so do we all!!! :) :) :)
Sorry, typo - should be 'slaved for HER' - which you have!