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Should I contact his case worker - Carers UK Forum

Should I contact his case worker

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If you feel a partners behaviour is unreasonable and making it difficult to be a carer would you call their psychiatrist? I have done this in the past but think that they thought I wanted them to repair our relationship but the truth was the behavior was out of control.

Today it is just unacceptable with a threat of violence, serious verbal abuse and a threat of suicide

I can't involve the police as this would be a serious no no (has serious issues with police/authority) so ideally need to see if speaking to his health workers and request they speak or call him - would you do it?
No advice but just to say you have my sympathy. Hopefully someone more experienced will come along and offer more help.

I understand your comments re the police. How old is your partner? If they do not arrest him because he is ill, or arrest him, and let him out in 24 hours then you could have a real problem. The only other option is sectioning if he is becoming a danger to himself and to you but that again, is very hard to achieve.

I guess you are in my position and there is no way you could leave? How well do you get on with his Case Worker? I personally would write to my GP, outlining how you feel and that his behaviour is making it very hard to continue caring for him. If he is threatening suicide and violence then he is becoming a danger......unfortunately it seems to have to get to crisis point before anyone will act. I think I would also write to his case worker too so it is on file giving examples. No one should be frightened in their own home.
I agree - I would think you should write to his case worker/psychiatrist because after all, they only see your partner 'at intervals' and in their company. They need your reports to know what he is like when he is not with them, and to know just 'how bad' his condition can be.

Is it possible, I wonder, to record him at all on your phone, and send that video clip in? I appreciate that he might find that threatening, so maybe if it can be done it should be done 'covertly'. (Not sure what the legal position is on that though!).

In the end, though, you have to think about YOUR life too, and accept, sadly, that although love can do a great, great deal, sometimes it cannot do 'everything', and that it may possibly have come to 'walk away' time. This may also be 'good' for him, too, for the following reason:

With mental health issues it can be a very tricky line to walk between 'supporting' someone - ie, helping them IMPROVE - and merely 'enabling' them - ie, letting them stay the way they are.

Sometimes, when we love someone, we only 'enable' them, and to truly 'support' them means doing something you may think is 'selfish' (ie, walking away) but is actually for their own good. While you 'put up' with what he does, he has no incentive to change???

But it's a VERY difficult situation - no easy answers alas. Maybe not even any answers.....
I would do it, but it may not turn out as well as you hope that it may, I regret to say.
I have sent a letter. In the past I have called and they don't tell I have wrote it called.

I stated his behaviour is out of order and that he would benefit from more support

Highlighted the abuse

I know this is just another episode but if I don't get him help then it only affirms his belief I don't care
I had to get my husband's mental health nurse out to see him as an emergency at the end of last year when he became violent and agressive towards me in the early hours of the morning. I had to contact the police as I was frightened for my own safety. They came straight away and were great. They kept me safe until my son arrived and he stayed until the morning with my husband, who is 71, and the police drove me to my daughter's home. The mental health nurse came out in the morning with our gp and my husband was taken into our local hospital. He spent 3 months in the elderly mental health ward where they managed to get him under control with anti-psychotic tablets which he is still on.
I would definitely say that should should contact the mental health unit and tell them he is agressive towards you.
I lock my husband's bedroom door at night as this is the only way I can sleep and feel safe. His gp, social worker and nurses all know I do this.
Please think of yourself first and keep safe.
Thank you for your responses. I called them too and made them aware a letter was coming.

The hard part is I usually text him even when he is low but after all these issues I have refrained from contact. I fear he will think I have abandoned him when in reality I don't want to fight.

Will let you know how it goes
Glad you let them know.

I'm wondering (entirely as a 'lay person) whether it's sensible to keep 'reassuring' him that however badly he behaves, you won't abandon him??

What about looking at it the other way round - and telling him that IF he continues with the verbally abusive behaviour etc then that WILL make you 'abandon' him.????

Can he not be brought to understand that it is HIS 'bad behaviour' that will 'drive you away', and so the solution is for him NOT to behave badly, but to make you want to stay with him.....??

As ever, it's a tricky line between support and enablement, alas.

I'm wondering whether he is 'deliberately' (ie, subconsciously) 'pushing you' to see just how much 'bad behaviour you WILL put up with and still not 'abandon him'??? If you put up with the current level, won't that just mean he ups the ante, and behaves even worse, to keep 'testing' you???

Shouldn't he know that actually, he's already reached your limit now with his current 'bad behaviour'???

??????
Sarah_170512345678 wrote:If you feel a partners behaviour is unreasonable and making it difficult to be a carer would you call their psychiatrist? I have done this in the past but think that they thought I wanted them to repair our relationship but the truth was the behavior was out of control.

Today it is just unacceptable with a threat of violence, serious verbal abuse and a threat of suicide

I can't involve the police as this would be a serious no no (has serious issues with police/authority) so ideally need to see if speaking to his health workers and request they speak or call him - would you do it?
I know this is very difficult for you Sarah because you are torn by loving your partner but I am going to give you the 'hard line' advice. Firstly you are a carer not a 'punchbag'. Partner or not you shouldn't have to tolerate threats of violence or mental abuse regardless of your partners condition (He needs to be told that loud and clear)Phone the police if he does it again to reinforce you are not putting up with it (Sorry you HAVE to be tough for your own good) and you should not be subjected to the condescending manner you have been 'treated' in the past by the psychiatrist who has said that you wanted him to 'repair' the relationship. No, you wanted the shrink to look at assisting with your partner's behaviour and it's the psychiatrist's job to do so...He gets paid enough!!..