Do Not Recustitate Order - Is it the Right Thing?

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Does anyone out there have any experience of these and whether I should agree to it?.
My sisters idea and when I talked to my GP she sided with my Sister, so the GP is coming out Monday to discuss it.

Mum is getting better by the day, starting to walk around without her zimmer, which is scary, but good to see. She keeps telling me she wants to go out and we got as far as the front door to give Mum some fresh air.

I'm so fed up of people who have no idea of what is truly going on dictating to me what should be done.
When I mentioned DNR to Mums physio and carer they were shocked also.
Is your mother able to understand and make the decision herself? If so you need a family discussion but ultimately it should be her decision to make. If not then unless there's a power of attorney in place I don't think you should be under pressure to agree. The GP might have insight into your mother's views if they've known her for a while which you should take into account. In my case the whole family agreed to DNR but he lived anyway and having seen his quality of life and physical condition much better than we were told was possible I wouldn't have agreed to it with hindsight. He very clearly does not have a dnr now. I hope this gives you something to think about but in the end follow your heart once you've got the full picture.
I would just add that having a DNR in place does not prevent further help and does not write off the patient. Dad has a DNR in place that all family agreed to but since then he has been in and out of hospital at least 3 times for falls or infections and has received numerous antibiotics and fluids, help re medication and social services. The DNR is an order not to do resussitation on the heart which is rather a violent process for someone elderly and frail.
That is my understanding too Henrietta. It's in place for Hubby.Due to his job, he saw what happens many times. Elderly and frail have much less chance of coping with the after effects. Very personal choice, to sign for a loved one isn't it. I told my daughter's, didn't ask, as I know it's what hubby would want.
I'm not entirely clear on this, so please do check independently, but I believe it is possible for a doctor (probably 'two for safety') can actually 'override' any wishes to resuccitate, and actually 'impose' a DNR on a patient they feel it would not be in their best interests to apply resucc to,

As I say, I'm not entirely sure of this, but it is worth, sadly, checking it out, so that IF an event should happen, and suddenly you hear the docs say 'no resucc' you are not shocked - or, conversely, you can take steps beforehand to try and stop them imposing a DNR. (If that is possible)

As others are saying, if your mum is compos mentes then far better SHE makes up her mind what she wants, and even draws up some kind of advance directive.

My 93 y/o MIL with advanced dementia has a DNR on her (not agreed to her by her, but by the rest of her family - she is in no mental state to give consent, or, alas, dissent - though I'm pretty sure from knowing her 'before' that she would never allow a DNR to be imposed - she has a deep, deep fear of death)(maybe we all will when the time comes!)(it's one of the VERY few blessings' of dementia ie, that it takes away fear of death.....)

However, with the very elderly, a DNR to deny resucc is not the same as denying all treatment, and these days, the very, very elderly are often dosed repeatedly with antibiotics to 'keep them going' - sometimes in ways that are not 'kind'. Pneumonia used to be called 'the old man's friend'....with reason.

From what you say about your own mother though, it doesn't sound like she is anywhere near such a dire state, and is still actively engaged with life - which is great. :)
I think it's something we should ALL talk about. What we would like for OURSELVES, and when. My eldest son knows my own views, at 65 I've already sorted out POA for myself. When my mum was dying, I had POA, and told the GP that pain relief, regardless of the consequences, must be her top priority. I've ordered my son to do the same for me in the same circumstances. I understand resuscitation can be very physically aggressive, not good for a frail elderly person.
That's really useful feedback guys, thank you one and all.

To me it felt like I was about to sign my Mums death warrant, but it's really about the best for her if the worse happens. The knowledge that Mum will continue to be treated as normal is reassuring. My GP told me that if her parent were in the same situation she would sign the DNR so I guess that's what I will do.

Thanks again.
My mum made her own decision, after talking to the consultant in hospital. She was very calm about the discussion. The phrase used was "letting nature take it's course". I've heard that a few timès now. I think mum's generation, brought up during the war, often have more knowledge and understanding of death than our generation have.
I know you have covered this and I have arrived late but wanted to comment as this hits very close to home for me as well.

Its not my place to tell you which is the right/wrong call to make, and we know it is a terrible position to find one self in having to be involved in the process, but what I will say to you is this.. while it is somewhat an overused phase within the medical community it is as simple as what is "best interests" for the person concerned.

In my household we do talk about it, albeit candidly at times but with the amount of bereavements in recent years it is somewhat a coping mechanism to mask the grief. I find myself agreeing firmly with bowlingbun about the need for people to talk more openly about the topic (while they are able to!) because you just don't know what lurks around the corner.

Of those we have lost I was most affected when my father died and he is amongst my first thoughts each and every day, I miss him dearly but I have my memories of the man he was, and not what would had been had the cancer (and everything on the side) been permitted to run its course for the near-year prognosis (he was not that old and went early after diagnosis). He made the call under his own steam and I am grateful because I honestly do not know if I would of had the strength to make that call for him.

I have a severely complex caree who is practically living day by day while the rest of us know the next major infection would be too much for them. I have an older relative who has multiple conditions which are terminal/poor prognosis (heart failure, dementia etc). As well as remaining parent who will gradually suffer worse general health as they get older even if they do not develop further ailments.

You have to look at the situation and question yes we are probably better at providing life saving treatment than we've ever been - when I worked I held a level 3 in first aid which actually saw use outside of the training room - what you have to ask yourself is what further suffering and inevitable outcome they would reach without it in place.

On the flip side I had an elderly relative who died naturally in their own home only after being worked on for the better part of an hour because they didn't believe in DNACPR's. The chances of them being unaffected should life saving treatment had been successful aren't even worth thinking about at this point.. not to mention they were assuringly in the process of early onset dementia by this point (undiagnosed) and while an independent person their whole life, it would certainly not had ended that way.

I love all of these people very much, to where like many of us here I have put myself at a disadvantage socially/financially providing the quality of life I feel they deserve (and otherwise would not get) yet I am very grounded when it comes to the subject of mortality/death based on their fragile states of health and would not live with myself had I had a hand in inflicting even further suffering upon them at this point.

Its a terrible thing to have to discuss with our loved ones but you must be trying to have these conversations while you are able to make those decisions, you do not want the experience of having these decisions made "on the fly" in a hospital environment by consultants and the like.
Hi peeps

Like previous poster this thread is v close to home to me.

My mum agreed a DNR with her GP some time ago.

I have told him I would not be respecting it as I considered it a reflection of her psychological state (depression rather than cognitive impairment).

Posts have gave me food for thought that maybe I am being 'selfish' and aggressive intervention would not be in her best interests should worst happen.

I will speak to her 'bout it again as a result this thread so thanks to original poster and all 'respondees'

GFR