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Rock bottom - not my home, my prison - Carers UK Forum

Rock bottom - not my home, my prison

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Don't know if I'm posting in the right place but needed somewhere to vent, or people to advise if I'm really going mad!

a) I'm still waiting since end of January for Doctor to do Mam's prescription review despite reminders.
b) Mam wants me sitting beside her 24/7.
c) Mam failed her capacity test. Social worker was supposed to come on Thursday and yet again has failed to make appearance. Not that they make much difference - they just nag how they want things done!
d) District Nurses make appointments for her three month checkup and then turn up on different day/week/month.
e) I am worried sick about the changes to housing benefit. Years ago this house was recategorised as 3 bedroom and we've had a letter to say that when the changes come in we'll loose £10 approx in housing benefit. When Mam dies I dread to think what'll happen. £30 loss of housing benefit, move to single bedroom house/flat - if there are any - they can be used for a single parent and child under 10, or for a couple. The other option is to move into lodgings with the housing benefit being paid pro-rata for the room.
f) Mam is on at me every couple of minutes about something and nothing over and over and over again.

I've decided that when the professionals see our name they think any cr*p will do, and that I'm standing waiting for them at the door 24/7. Due to decent homes scheme and waiting for professionals who may or may not come I've hardly been out of the house since October. Thank goodness our local general dealers and newsagent open at 7 in the morning so I can nip out for necessities.

Thanks for listening - having one of those days.
Being stuck in the house is a nightmare. I find it really frustrating. As for professionals not turning up they seem to think they can get away with it for some reason . Its just bad manners.

Is there any chance of you getting some one in to sit with your mam so you can go out for a while and do your own thing.
I get 2 four respite sits per week as a result of my carers assessment. (Trouble is some days i don't want to come back Image )

Take care
I think I could quite easily not return!

Nipped out the other morning and the weather was glorious - just because cat needed to go to vet! The urge to run away was so....... strong.

There's a thread I noticed about carers being abusive to the carees - well by not turning up I feel they are abusing my Mam. It takes an hour to get her ready in the morning, then try to get the place even slightly presentable can take hours if Mam is being demanding, and for what? Mam drops off to sleep cos she's exhausted (did the same myself this afternoon - woke up 5.20 - thank goodness Songs of Praise was still on as I thought it was 5.20 in the morning!) and they complain that she's asleep again!!!!
Hi Suban, life sounds tough.

I always seem to be having hassle getting S's meds sorted - stressful, isn't it. This is usually due c*ck ups by surgery and/or pharmacy - they always blame each other. Can you make your Mam and appointment and not say why and then review meds at the appointment.

Sitting with your Mam 24/7 is not good for either of you. You will have to be firm about this. I'll be back at the end of the radio/TV programme, after I have done x,y and z etc

Professionals not turning up or turning up at a different time/date etc is very annoying and unprofessional. I don't think they appreciate how stressful it is, especially when you have psyched yourself up to them coming, etc When the don't turn up keep a record and if you have the energy write/email their manager.

How dare they nag you - they should be offering support not criticism.

I don't have any advice re the housing thing. Try and focus on the now rather than getting bogged down with the what-ifs.

You do sound like you need a break. It is very hard spending everyday all day with caree. Despite your Mam wanting you at her side 24/7 - is she ok to be left for short periods? Do you get any respite informal or otherwise?

Melly1
I looked on the web tonight to see how much a room would cost if I had to - Costs more than the total rent for this place!!!! Has the change really been thought through. I can understand them capping the benefit but the question of downsizing has NOT been given adequate thought. Plus if I go into a rented room, having got rid of all my possessions, what happens if I get a job? I would then be able to get a flat but have no furniture or anything and have to start from scratch again!!!!

Don't really get a break. I am going to write to the Practice Manager at the Health Centre to complain. I presume if I get no joy I then have to complain to the Health Trust.

Yet another job to add to the list!!!!
As usual, this government has the cart before the horse with the bedroom tax. It's grossly unfair to charge people for an extra bedroom if there is nowhere for them to be downsized to!
Get a carer's assessment, being stuck inside 24/7 looking after someone is no joke and you should qualify for respite.
I can sympathize with the lack of breaks and longgggggggg hours. Thankfully, my Dad has been sleepy since returning from hospital last month - so it is not as bad any more. He WANTS to go to bed at a reasonable hour - whereas before he wanted to staty up late and 'expected' a cuppa in the very early hours. (I was a zombie!)
I still only get 2 real breaks per month - 2 hours when he goes to a church social meal and 2-3 hourw when my Aunt come sto lunch so that I can 'escape' to town and do any shopping/banking essentials. Gone are my days of getting up when i choose, doing things in my own order, and goiung where I please! No weekends or holidays here - so Ican understand how you feel - hugs!!!!
I can empathize with you on the housing/benefit bit...but i smell a rat.....there are exemptions to the cap..????
"The following households will be
exempt from the cap:
Those entitled to:
• Working Tax Credit
Those in receipt of:
• Disability Living Allowance
• Personal Independence Payment
(from April 2013)
• Attendance Allowance
• The support component of ESA....." DWP website .
If your mum is entitled to any of these and the tenancy is in her name...you need to contact your housing benefit department..pronto x Image
I too live in a 'under occupied' council house..so i understand your fears for the future re housing...this god awful government are really getting beyond it....i would copy and paste your email and put it in a letter to your local MP and let him/her know the c*ap you are having to deal with ....after all these anxities and fears have been bought about their policies ...GRRRR Image
one day at a time , one day at a time