Divorce

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
My husband had a bad experience in a residential home and now won't go anywhere for respite. After nearly a year of him being home, he is constantly calling me and I really am unable to get on with anything and have started going into a depression because of this.

I was trying to hang some curtains and he called me five or six times whilst I was trying to do this. The last time I gave him a cigarette (because that's what he wanted me for) and said to him, "Aren't you ever going to go for respite anymore?" His reply was "I'm too frightened"......then there was a pause....."Do you want a divorce?" he said.
That must have been a bolt from the blue, Dorothy. Sounds like he's scared about more than one thing...how are you both now?
Thanks Charles. We weren't arguing when this came about. Just the usual relationship we always have. I think it's his way of saying "You're trying to get rid of me", which I believe a lot of carers experience from their Carees when needing some sort of break.
Thanks Charles. We weren't arguing when this came about. Just the usual relationship we always have. I think it's his way of saying "You're trying to get rid of me", which I believe a lot of carers experience from their Carees when needing some sort of break.
It's always tough because the different relationships (nurse/carer and spouse/lover) become so tangled that it's hard to separate one from the other. So it's small wonder your hubby can't do it - and sees that because the nurse/carer needs a break the spouse/lover is fed up with him...instead of seeing that if the nurse/carer gets a break it will strengthen the spouse/lover relationship.

If that even begins to make any sense... Image Image
It makes complete sense Charles.

Hubby's very insecure which makes him think paranoid thoughts. I give him no reason for him to think this way but it's part of his illness that makes him like this.
My husband vascilates between telling me how hard his illness must be on me and "maybe I should go into the hospice or a care home", which I take as some recognition on his part that my life is not exactly peachy now. And then this morning when he went upstairs to his bedroom he said, "now you can get rid of me."

I think illness makes people very, very insecure.
It does: if you think about it from their point of view, they are not the person now that you bargained for however long ago, and they start to think you feel you got a poor bargain...

Your self-image takes a nosedive when you are ill or disabled long-term and you start to imagine that the person who loves you most is tired of you, rather than just tired of all the caring.

And often no amount of reassurance from your loved one is enough.
i always think its so sad when the person we care for offers a way out, they dont get it we love them or that we would move the stars for them . Would he be ok with some one in the house for a few hours just so u get some time to yourself?