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Mum due out of Reablement, but now she can't walk at all! - Carers UK Forum

Mum due out of Reablement, but now she can't walk at all!

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Dear All

I need an opinion - I'm being bullied by social services into having my Mum back home after two and a half months respite. This would be fine but she was very wobbly on her feet anyway before Christmas and then had a fall. As a consequence, she ended up in hospital and then was transferred to Reablement.

As this suggests, it is supposed to help you recover. Mum has gone backwards and now she cannot walk at all. Our house is very open plan and the lounge diner cannot be turned into a bedroom. It also gets extremely cold in winter downstairs once the heating is off at night.

Neither am I strong enough to wheel an eighteen stone lady around, let alone turn her on a rotunda as they weigh about 25 kilos on their own. (I'm only 7 stone!).

I've looked after Mum for over 15 years and she's deteriorated heavily in this last year. She's 81. The dementia is also setting in.

I also suffer with Epilepsy, only mildly, but I'm worried it will flare up again as its been so much better these last two and a half months. I'm convinced it's because I don't have the daily stress of Mum, as its triggered by stress.

I just dont think I can go on caring for her at home in her current state as I will never have any time to myself (it was bad before), and my health will suffer again.

I think she will be better off with professional 24/7 care in somewhere that they will take the residents for days out in the summer and she can make friends with other people as she has done in the current Home.

Am I being a bad selfish person or just logical? Please tell me honestly somebody what you think?

I have a meeting with the Social tomorrow which I'm absolutely dreading as its the deciding point as to whether my Mum comes home or not!

Thank you
Sue :(
Have they done a Continuing Healthcare Assessment. REFUSE to have her home, say they must do the CHC assmt. And a care plan that makes adequate allowance for her needs without you or your home. Good Luck.
Hi Sue
First of all , you are by no means being selfish but just realistic about the problems your mum and you will encounter at home. Is your mum well enough to express an opinion? If she is to return home then Social Services should arrange an adequate care package to include presumably double carer visits for using hoists which would be needed. No one could expect you to manage your mum, less still single handed.
It sounds as though considering full time care home for mum is a sensible option where she would have full time care, entertainment and new friends. Discuss the options with Social Services and the all important funding. Does your mum need nursing care or just residential care. If you are not sure yourself as it is a bit of a grey area ask Social Services .
Stop eating yourself up with guilt. Every time Dad has come home after a long stay in hospital, I always have mixed feelings, relief he is out and coming home, trepidation about the new care regime and aware that things may get worse. From a selfish point of view, losing my freedom, having to do ten times more work and disruption to home all over again Once I get into it I've always been glad he came home but last time I told the Dr I couldn't cope if he came out in as bad a state as he went in. Fortunately he didn't so life is trundling along again.
Hi Sue, I think you are quite right and I don't think they can force you to have Mum home again. I'm pretty certain you are quite with your rights, and within the law, to refuse.
I'm sure others will answer you soon who can tell you exactly how to go about it but I'm thinking that Mum should have a CHC assessment, that words like unsafe discharge come into it and IF she came home there should be a full care plan in place and an Occupational Therapist should visit your home to assess her needs.
However, I think you should stick to your guns and say 'No'.
Have you got a strong minded family member or friend who could attend this meeting with you, just for moral support and to stop you wavering if they pile the pressure on?
You must stick to your guns here.
Dear All

Many thanks for your quick responses. It seems many of you think like me.

I was told a few weeks ago that she didn't qualify for the CHC assessment but having looked at it on on the internet I think she certainly does. I shall push for it again tomorrow.

Unfortunately I don't have anybody I can take with me for moral support but the ladies at the current Home know how stubborn she is and how difficult she is to handle! I may call on one of them to sit in on the meeting.

Thanks again
Sue, If you are still reading here tonight take some time now and get some notes written.
Make a list of all the reasons you simply cannot have Mum home.
Make a list of all the reasons you believe Mum would be better off in a Home.
Make a list of, IF Mum came home everything you would need in place before she arrived. Full care package, equipment for transfers, bathing, moving around the house, all you can think of. Importantly, time off for yourself.
IF you do agree that she returns, then make list 3 a non negotiable requirement.
Take the lists to the meeting.
Be strong. Do not allow yourself to be bullied or persuaded against your sure knowledge of what's right for you and Mum.
Let us know how it goes.
Hi Elaine

I started making a list of pros and cons if Mum came home.
I came up with one Pro - that she'd enjoy being home.
The I listed about twelve Cons regarding the room, the equipment, my health, times when the carers aren't here, (bearing in mind Mum's incontinent), and the fact that she'd have good company in a care come and be looked after properly 24/7.
That was just some of the cons, the main ones.
I'm hoping this gives me enough ammunition tomorrow as I'm all ready for a fight!

Good Luck.
One day, driving between my mum's house, which I'd bee trying to prepare for her discharge, and my own, when a voice came into my hewd, saying I just can't do rhis any more. I was totalle and utterly exhausted, mentally and physically. There is only sk much any one person can do. In total, your mum needs 24/7 care, and that surely means residential care. OK you might have four visits a day, but even if they are an hour aeah, that still leaves you alone with mum for 20 a day. So exactly when do you get a chance of doing anything at all that you want to do. Even a trip to the doctoo dentst or hairdresser is goung to be a challenge! Yes use the home to support your need for residential from now on.
This is exactly what I've been trying to convince social services of for the the past three weeks, Bowlingbun.
I think they just want her off their hands and it's back to 'care in the community'!
They keep waffling on about how they'll support me as well but I've not seen any sign of it yet. I've already lost my own social worker.
As you said, the carers may come in for four hours a day but that still doesn't give me much free time.
It was a major operation trying to arrange a hair appointment before Mum went into respite. God only knows what it'll be like if she comes home unable to walk.
Thank you for writing to me with your reply. I'm sorry you went through the same ordeal.

All the best