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Desperate for advice please - Page 5 - Carers UK Forum

Desperate for advice please

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.

Are the SS staff aware of your work history???

They are ignoring your parents wishes, because they gave you POA because they trusted you to act in their best interests if they could not act for themselves. They need to explain why they are ignoring your parents wishes.

I'm really glad your sister is coming to the meeting too.
Thinking of you Ron. I know anticipation of this type of meeting is extremely stressful. Stay calm, ask them to talk in laymen's terms and give you time to answer. I understand your work history means you know the jargon, but sometimes, when it's so personal it can throw you. Glad you won't be on your own.
"I have decided that although I know it's absaloutly the wrong move for my parents and will be very upsetting, if SS recommend them moving I am just going to let them sort it all out and make it clear they take over responsibility. "

I totally get why you are tempted to throw in the towel, but honestly, don't do it!

This whole thing has blown up out of NOWHERE - and the ONLY reason is the wretched SS where you live don't want to be landed with the care costs of your parents when they run out of their own money.

PLEASE keep telling them you're handing everything over to your parents' LAWYERS. DO NOT HAND anything over to SS - not without a damn court order....which your LAWYER can sort out.

Yes, v. glad your sister is coming with you. PLEASE don't play the game the way SS want you to.
It's good there will be two of you. Remember everything that you have done right and why (eg the care you have taken over investments and record-keeping, all the problems with health, welfare and medication in the past).

Then some practical stuff for tomorrow. Do you know who is going to be at the meeting? You should be told at the start who each person is and what their role is. They should tell you why the meeting is being held. Don't assume; ask for explanations if it is not clear. Make sure they say clearly at the end what actions are going to be taken and exactly who is going to do them and how you contact people if you need/want to. Find out who is going to send you their notes of the meeting and what the timescale is. As others have said, expect that there will be mistakes to correct when you get them!

I am sure you know all this backwards, but when it was me going into a meeting I found the worry took over from common sense for a while.

On a more positive note, of course you must be prepared for the worst, but you may find, if more than one person is present (other than a note-taker) that one of them is prepared to work with you. (In my case, the worrying meeting was to discuss my caree's discharge and I found it was only one person I struggled with. Everyone else listened and was helpful.)
Thank you all so much, all of your comments and support has been extremely reassuring and helpful. What a great resource this forum is, so pleased I found it.

The meeting went ahead today with Safegaurding leed, SS and SS leed, nurse practitioner, home manager, home senior, my sister, myself, mum, dad and a minute taker. It lasted two hours with a lot of information shared from all parties. I handed out a four page summary to everyone explaining the last three years and how we had reach the point we were now at.

Mum started off by attacking me and telling everyone that I tricked and kidnapped her. I thought great opening, this is going to go well. Dad then stated my sister and I had sold their house and moved them without any consultation. All totally untrue as we had consulted and involved them both many times, but the nature of there mental health made them both forget all of this.

Then to my amazement mum said again and again what a close family we have always been. How well we had always looked after them and how happy she is where she was now and did not want to go back to their home town. The difference from when mum entered the room and five minutes latter leeds me to believe yet again dad had tried to prime her before entering the room.

Dad tried his usual deflection saying he was happy in the new home but it was mum that was not. He started again saying mum missed her none existing friends and made up all sorts of activities mum took part in and was now missing. When mum stood up to him and said a few more times that she wanted to stay here, dad gave up and said he was happy where he is. I was so proud of mum!

Bottom line is it has worked out ok with a line drawn under the situation. Everything will be reviewed sometime in the future but all the agencies could see my sister and myself had acted in my parents best interests.

What a huge relief, tonight I will sleep soundly for the first time this year. Thank you all again, take care and have a great 2019.

Thank goodness that is over.
I just wanted to check that you have checked to see if they eligible for Attendance Allowance?
bowlingbun wrote:
Wed Dec 12, 2018 5:54 am
Thank goodness that is over.
I just wanted to check that you have checked to see if they eligible for Attendance Allowance?
Yes thank you both mum and dad get this, again thanks for your help and advice. I hope you and your family have a great Xmas.
You deserve to sleep for a week! Thank you for letting us all know how it went.
Massive well done Ron! Good for you.
I hope you had the best sleep ever! Glad it's finished with. Such a double edged sword isn't it. Wanting our loved ones to show unpredictably, memory difficulty etc. Horrible to witness, in front of agencies, but so so needed to prove safeguarding, funding is needed.