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Depression and being a carer - Page 3 - Carers UK Forum

Depression and being a carer

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Micksmate, just wanted to say in passing, if you are worried about your son donating some of his liver to his dad (and what a loving, caring thing to do!), that when my husband was having his nephrectomy, for kidney cancer, the cancer had spread quite a lot into his liver, so the surgeon had to cut away quite a lot of diseased liver as well as the diseased kidney. I can well remember him saying to us afterwards, that losing that much liver would make no difference at all to my husband, as 'the liver is huge!'. It's like how people can live perfectly well with one functioning kidney (which I do hope your husband will get before too long.)

Hope that reassures a little about your son's op.
KR Jenny.
Thank you for that Jenny. He is very sure that he wants to do this for his dad and we are informed that within 12 weeks his liver will have grown back to normal size and so will the part he gives to his dad. How wonderful is that! Just need it to happen soon now,fingers and everything else crossed.
Hi and thanks for all the kind words everyone x It's awful to think of all the suffering out there, and yet there are great people who restore your faith in mankind. Hubby woke me up to tell me he was getting up which means so was I! He's gone back to bed and is sleeping like a baby and I'm up yet again. I don't think losing sleep does the depression any good,but it helps to talk knowing , maybe someone is downstairs just as I am . Through the night my mind is at its blackest. Nothing makes any sense and I get the feeling I can't keep going. It makes me worry about coping with the day and whatever things it throws at me. Thanks for listening to me rant ttfn
Hi there . I am both glad and sorry about that. Glad because I know I am not alone, sad because I know how bad that is. If you feel the need to offload at any time feel free , it's good to hear how we all manage to get through the days . Keep in touch x
Three o'clock is definitely the worst time of day, when everything seems at it's worst. I'm sure it's because the body knows that in theory it should be sound asleep. When thoughts are tumbling over each other, and it's difficult to get back to sleep, I just put the radio on quietly and concentrate on what they're saying, which helps. At least the body is resting then.

You have so much to cope with, it would be a miracle if you weren’t depressed.

I have no practical help to offer other than this: Do not fear your tears.

Did you know that there are two main types of tears we produce? I can’t remember the fancy scientific name for them.
There are those produced by irritants, such as strong wind and onion vapour. These tears contain water, salt, lubricant and a few other bits and bobs.

The second lot are produced in response to strong emotions be it physical or emotional pain, sadness, fear or joy.
They contain all of the above but are also loaded with stress hormones. This has only recently been discovered in the past decade or so.

Stress hormones serve a very useful function, but once the crisis causing them to flood our system has passed they can then cause all sorts of damage, both mentally and physically. Our bodies get rid of them quickly by making us burst into tears.
Emotional crying is nothing more than a self-defence mechanism and NOT a sign of weakness, as our society erroneously tries to make out.

So that Old Wives saying that “Having a good cry, and letting it all out, will make you feel much better,” is a scientific fact. You’re letting all those superfluous stress hormones out via a good blub.
Many people hold back their tears for fear of upsetting others, or perhaps fearing that their tears means they’re having a nervous breakdown. If they can just hold back the tears then they’re somehow fending off a breakdown. They’re not, they’re actually making a nervous breakdown more likely.
Think of crying as the emotional equivalent of vomiting when you’ve got a tummy bug. Both are a means of ejecting from your body toxic substances. What would happen if your body refused to vomit when it needs too? You’d get even more ill.
You’d quickly end up in hospital having your stomach pumped out.

So, next time you feel like crying your heart out, and clench up against it, don’t. It’s not your heart you’ll be crying out; the only thing you’ll be crying out is those pesky stress hormones. And you really will feel a heck of a lot better for it.

I know I do. I shall give a recent example. Recently mum’s health nose-dived; she practically became a zombie. She’s 84 and I honestly thought she was at death’s door; I was at my wits end, feeling utterly helpless. It turned out to be down to something quite simple, and once that was sorted, she bounced back as rapidly as she had declined.
I was overjoyed, and happier than a pig in muck. I decided to take an hour off from caring (dad insisted on it) photographing birds in our back garden. There I was minding my own business, happily snapping away, when out of the blue I started crying my eyes out, seemingly for no reason.
But I knew the reason so did nothing to stop it. Why should I try and stop my body from getting rid of an accumulation of stress hormones? Besides, there were only a few birds to witness my so-called mini breakdown.
My crying jag only lasted a few minutes, and afterwards I felt totally relaxed, calm and very clear headed indeed.
Tears are ace, and the best pick-me-up I’ve yet to come across. Totally free too, and no side effects either! Unless you count other peoples disapproving reactions to them as a side-effect; stuff them! It’s your body, not theirs, just trying to heal itself, so let it. If others want to slowly wreck themselves by sneering at, or fearing, tears then that’s their lookout.

I’ll see if I can hunt down that scientific paper on tears, and post it up. It’s dead fascinating and not at all jargony, so easy to read and understand.

Have another cyber hug ((((((((((((())))))))))))
Hi there. Thanks for the hug. X. It's not that I won't let myself cry , it's more that I can't . I feel full and my eyes hurt but no tears will come. I don't know why.Does anyone have any ideas ? It would be good to know I'm sure it's not normal -but then who's normal- I know I never have been up to now! X
When you are hurting inside and the pain is too much, you just cant cry - especially if you feel that you have to keep going. I got like that after my dad died. Later on when I allowed myself to stop doing so much, then the tears came.
Is there any way that you could have a couple of days off? Recently I went on a week-end away by myself and came back feeling so much better.
Hi Corinne

Here's a couple of links on benefits of crying, how and why. Not the paper I was tracking down; I read that before I found out about 'bookmarks.'

http://www.drjudithorloff.com/Free-Arti ... s_copy.htm
http://www.netdoctor.co.uk/healthy-livi ... crying.htm

This may sound trite, but I'm deadly serious. If you get those irritant tears flowing, maybe, just maybe, it might kick start the emotional ones ones into flowing? Have you tried cutting an onion in half (the purple ones are killers for making you cry) and lean over them. You never know, it just might work. And what have you got to lose?

I'm going to see if I can get a link, probably more useful than my off-the-cuff suggestion, on why people can't cry and what to do it about it.
These may be of more use than my onion suggestion. There's tons of stuff on the internet.
One of the things I came across a lot is that crying all the time is considered a symptom of depression, but not being able to cry at all can be a cause of depression.


http://www.webmd.com/balance/features/w ... tearing-up