dementia and parkinsons

[anne_1409]

My hubby got dementia and parkinsons as well as prostate cancer, heart failure and copd. He gets someone coming in everyday to wash him and he has one day a week at day care centre. His behaviour is increasingly getting worse. I feel Im right on the edge now. I am on meds for anxiety and depression and also see someone at MIND. Its the verbal abuse and behaviour i am finding it hard to carry on with. He gets very very nasty to me day and night and dont fink i can carry on much longer. I know he wouldnt agree to going into a home either. Any advice would be much appreciated.

[bowlingbun]

Anne, if he has dementia, it's no longer his choice. You cannot be forced to care. Verbal abuse is still abuse. Contact his doctor, and ask him to support an application to residential care, and ask Social Services to do an URGENT assessment on him, and a Carers Assessment for you. Sadly, you are not the only person here who has had to take this hugely difficult step.

[jenny lucas]

I know it can be difficult to think of someone in a 'home', but you may find that his behaviour gets easier, with skilled dementia nurses to look after him. When the dreadful daily stress of looking after him single handed at home non stop is lifted from you, your spirits will, I hope, lift as well. Many of us here, whose elderly parents have finally gone into a Home, find that our relationship with them improves, as now we are just visitors, and we can enjoy being with them now that we don't have to look after them all the time.

Even if it is the illness in his mind that makes him so verbally horrible to you, you should not have to endure it. Verbal abuse does, sadly, seem to be quite common for people with dementia sometimes.....

I do hope things improve for you, and your husband can be in a place where they can cope well with his dementia and other illnesses, and that your life then can be easier after your difficult time now.

[crocus]

Has he been to the local memory clinic? Is so perhaps you could contact them, otherwise you could speak to the GP about this. Mum had this and it didnt last long, but I know that you can get medication that will quite often help. Its frequently due to anxiety and frustration when they are at the stage of realising that there is something very wrong with their brain, but dont understand what and they are desperately trying to regain control.

[anne_1409]

Thanks to u all. Both my hubby and i have had our assessments. Waiting for referral to memory clinic now - he has had 3 memory tests and a brain scan already.