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Dementia and last days - Carers UK Forum

Dementia and last days

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Hello, my mums nursing home called to say my mum (98years old) had stopped eating and for the last few weeks she has been eating very little so I assume she is quite frail now. They asked me to arrange the funeral director who would take her body when the time came. This was Wednesday morning and she still seems to be hanging on. Everyday is a waiting game agony not knowing ( I live a very long way off so can’t just rush down). I know she hasn’t long but was wondering about anyone else experience of this and how long she could linger? Not a nice subject I know….
Have you arranged a director? It's so much easier to do it before it's needed. Otherwise you will end up having a call like we did. This was an answer phone message.... "Your mother has died, what do you want us to do with her body?". Father in law was supposed to be arranging this but would not give the home his number!!
Hi Bowlingbun yes I have arranged a director. If she passes during the night I don’t have a phone signal in the bedroom ( don’t have a landline) so each morning when I get up and go upstairs I am filled with dread she has died in the night and I don’t yet know 😢
Hello Paula, sorry to hear this.

A couple of years before Mum died and when she was quite well and with it, the care home asked us to draw up an end of life care plan with them. they do it with all residents. Mum was happy to do so and it included where she wanted to be, who she wanted with her, did she want a DNR in place, funeral director details etc. Then they filed it away.

Last Sept she really went downhill and became bedridden but she hung on until early Dec. However, all her wishes were dealt with and she could not have been better cared for. It was a very peaceful and comfortable departure.

Understandably, you are very upset but I think they are asking for details of FD so it’s straightforward when the time comes. Some people last a short time and others like my Mum go on for a bit longer.

I know you live some distance away but I would try to get to visit sooner rather than later. Xxx
Paula, my mum hovered between life and death for almost a year.
I never knew if I was going to find her perky and chatty, or laid immobile, talking gibberish, when I was unable to make any sense of what she was saying.
It's all horrible, try to look after yourself. I was very stressed.
Try to make a real effort to do something relaxing, a regular walk, facial, trip to the hairdresser with a good head massage.