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Define a Carer - Page 4 - Carers UK Forum

Define a Carer

Share information, support and advice on all aspects of caring.
Guilt does seem to be indelibly branded into carers. Part of it I think is survivor guilt, ie, that we are ABLE to be carers, as in, we are not as infirm as our carees. Part of it is the counterpart to the resentment that can build up in us that we got 'dumped' with caring.

I speak only for elder-caring here, but of course, one rational counter to guilt is to continually remind ourselves that the only reason our parents need our care is because they've had so many years of life. And to remind ourselves that WE have NOT had as many years of life! (Which makes our claim to our lives rather more valuable than theirs....brutal, but true)(unless they were 'dumped with' caring for their own parents, I guess, and were therefore as robbed of their 'middle years' as we are being by them.......)

I do think, very very seriously, that elder-carees do have to 'put something back' by way of putting up with things not being the way they want them, some of the time, in order for their carers to have some break-time themselves. My friend with the father with dementia living with her (four years now!) is very resistant to booking him into respite care as she says he wouldn't like it - I tell her 'well, tough - he's getting everything he wants living with you, and quite frankly, putting up with being in respite care for a fortnight is something he should just put up with!' I don't think that's unfair, even if his mental state is such that he can't possibly understand just why he should put up with it!). It's one of the most 'unpleasant' aspects of dementia that sufferers can utterly fail to think any more of anything except their own wants. Other people just cease to exist. We, as carers, have to acknowledge that, and waiting for our carees to 'give permission' for something like respite care is just not going to happen - it would be like expecting a toddler to feel bad about causing us sleepless nights! It's not in their capacity any more. (That said, in defence of my MIL now, she is very 'biddable' and I cannot accuse her in the slightest of being demanding - and that actually makes me want to do more for her than if she were 'difficult'!)
I liked this but wouldn't have the nerve to wear it..

http://www.amazon.co.uk/HippoWarehouse- ... CVVEFHGQ11
over worked under paid and lost every thing for the carer here where I live ,My day starts at 6.am some times before and finishes at 6.am the next day but I do get time off when she in day care Monday to Friday ,Weekends she at home ,I do get 48 DAYS A YEAR RESPITE which I happy for /she now 21 but has to have every thing done for her ,I a single dad to 3 young adults now bit is there a Job like this that is 24/7. 7 days a week for little pay .we save the government lots of money and we can not go on sick .