This morning I ended up screaming at my caree, my husband. Every day I take him to the pub to see his mates, which is the only time he gets out of the house and his bed. I know it's important to him. I've delivered him there and picked him up every day for the past two years.
Easter Sunday evening I'm going to our local theatre with a friend. I asked him to skip the pub that day. Why? His health has been getting worse and if he's at the pub for more than his usual 2'ish hours he can barely walk and is in a generally bad state. It's not from drinking too much, it's from being in one position too long. Last night he stayed at the pub later than usual celebrating a friend's birthday. When I got there he could barely stand and his portable oxygen gizmo was empty, which he had not noticed. (He had a spare with him.) He needs oxygen 24x7 and was getting close to the point where he would have been in trouble.
Even when he was better I would worry the entire performance and rush out to pick him up and take him home. Now, I could not enjoy myself knowing he was not safe at home. When I asked if he would stay home all I got in return was a "no I am not" and a load of abuse. "You're psychotic, you need help, etc." It ended with me telling him what I need is a life and that he is the most selfish person I've ever known. I was not in a good frame of mind to begin with - I had spent the day before changing his bed three times because of incontinence (a new problem) and spitting up mucous. Plus, I had just told him about a doctor's appointment I made and he complained about the time, etc.
I am really at the end up my rope. My entire life is governed by him, his illness and his needs.
Sorry, but I'm really on the edge and need to vent. I'm worn out. I don't care whether he appreciates what I do or not. I don't care if he even knows everything I do for him or how my life is dictated by him. All I want is some time where I don't have to think about him! Is that too much?
Easter Sunday evening I'm going to our local theatre with a friend. I asked him to skip the pub that day. Why? His health has been getting worse and if he's at the pub for more than his usual 2'ish hours he can barely walk and is in a generally bad state. It's not from drinking too much, it's from being in one position too long. Last night he stayed at the pub later than usual celebrating a friend's birthday. When I got there he could barely stand and his portable oxygen gizmo was empty, which he had not noticed. (He had a spare with him.) He needs oxygen 24x7 and was getting close to the point where he would have been in trouble.
Even when he was better I would worry the entire performance and rush out to pick him up and take him home. Now, I could not enjoy myself knowing he was not safe at home. When I asked if he would stay home all I got in return was a "no I am not" and a load of abuse. "You're psychotic, you need help, etc." It ended with me telling him what I need is a life and that he is the most selfish person I've ever known. I was not in a good frame of mind to begin with - I had spent the day before changing his bed three times because of incontinence (a new problem) and spitting up mucous. Plus, I had just told him about a doctor's appointment I made and he complained about the time, etc.
I am really at the end up my rope. My entire life is governed by him, his illness and his needs.
Sorry, but I'm really on the edge and need to vent. I'm worn out. I don't care whether he appreciates what I do or not. I don't care if he even knows everything I do for him or how my life is dictated by him. All I want is some time where I don't have to think about him! Is that too much?