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Carers UK Forum • Dealing with anger and aggression
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Dealing with anger and aggression

Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2019 6:20 pm
by Leonie_1811
Hi everyone. I posted ages ago and have been through the mill a bit so sorry I didn’t respond to your kind messages of support.
We now have a diagnosis of fibromyalgia for mum on top of stroke and heart failure. We live together and I still find it very difficult dealing with her.
I’ve been trying to resolve things for her like tech problems which I don’t know much about but I do my best. I haven’t been able to resolve something and when I told her there was nothing further I could do she started shouting at me and blaming me for things I can’t control or resolve.
How do you guys deal with this sort of thing? I’m feeling quite stressed again and having now recovered from my breakdown in November I want to avoid this again and be more resilient. :(

Re: Dealing with anger and aggression

Posted: Tue Mar 05, 2019 8:25 pm
by bowlingbun
Leonie, how old is mum? Does she own the property?
Just because you live with mum does NOT mean that you have to do everything for her. Think about asking Social Services to do a Carers Assessment for you, to talk through what might be available to you, especially how to get some weekly "time off".
Does she have a hospital bed to make nursing her easier?

Under NO circumstances should mum be shouting at you and taking her frustration out on you. If she does this again, stop what you are doing and walk out of the room. She must then apologise. It is NOT YOUR FAULT that she is ill, you are not to blame.

You would definitely benefit from some counselling to learn how to manage mum better. You do NOT have to care for mum at all, no one can force you. YOU are the powerful one in this relationship now, the only power mum has over you is the power you let her have.

Re: Dealing with anger and aggression

Posted: Mon Mar 11, 2019 2:35 am
by D_1706
when I have to sort the tech problems out it's usually me that ends up with anger and aggression. I bought an online book today about building resilience which I've already found helpful only a couple of chapters in.

Re: Dealing with anger and aggression

Posted: Mon Mar 11, 2019 2:49 am
by bowlingbun
What sort of tech problems stump you? Share them here and we may be able to help. Otherwise find someone locally. I have my own love/hate relationship with technology!