Crisis what can I do ?

[Scruffy]

Hi,
We had a much calmer visit on Tuesday and I learned more about how to put mum to bed.
I think I could manage on my own but I am quite nervous and am double checking everything.
She's going to be measured for another type of sling which I'm happy about.

I expect the more I do it the more relaxed I'll be. The OT was lovely and I did prefer her to the social worker we had to begin with who seemed to take offence and made us suffer as a result. I feel sure the social worker influenced the OTs opinion of me as I think she'd have seen me as being difficult and unstable. It only takes one to take a dislike to you and then everyone gets their opinion only and seems to take it as gospel. Then they all sing from the same hymn sheet and you end up feeling scared and judged and feeling like you have no rights.

Scruffy.

[bowlingbun]

Scruffy, great to heart that the OT was lovely, it makes such a difference.

[NanaNana]

Social workers don't do the physical work everyday do they? So they just don't get it, full stop. They can't tell you what bed to use or what saucepan to cook your soup in............. How dare they? They should be advising, yes, not telling you.

Hoists are usually manufactured to allow one person to operate them, there should be no problem with that, doesn't need two except in exceptional circumstances.
I take it you have incontinence sheets on the top of mum's bedlinen? And a mattress protector cover underneath?
If DP's in your area allow you to purchase equipment, ours did not, then you ought to have assistance and advice to purchase what YOU need, not what someone else wants you to have. If YOU think you need toileting slings (and maybe a couple at that, eh?), then they should arrange that for you.
Hubby used to shower in the sling and hoist, which none of the professionals liked, although the spinal unit do that too (cos people can't sit in shower chairs), but we've done it for years and they just let us in the end. Nobody could come up with any other answer to our problem of showering hubby, so they just left us to do it however we wanted in the end.

Don't let them bully you into having stuff you don't need or can't cope with. You need to get equipment for YOU to use safely and for the safety of mum as well.
Love and hugs,
Nananana

[crocus]

Scruffy, Im sure you will get used to it - it only takes practise. Sure you will be checking and re-checking things to start with, but it will get easier with time. Im so glad you have got on better with the OT - they are very useful people to have on your side.

[Scruffy]

Hi,
Yes I'm double and triple checking everything. I put her to bed tonight and she is so cosy and comfortable. My only concern is how she'll be when she wakes up as she usually tries to get out of bed, or she always did with the divan whenever she slept on that.

The social worker was one we'd never had before but I was particularly upset on the day I had to phone her to ask to postpone her visit and with her reaction to me wanting a friend to sit in with me I ended up putting the phone down on her.

I think after that she came after me and ended up subjecting mum to checks by GP's and district nurses and pushing us to accept outside help. Thankfully every check was in our favour but I dread to think what the outcome would have been had anything not been.
She was already threatening to bring outside carers in to take over the care of mum.

So when she came round with a second OT she had already primed the OT with her own opinion of what to expect and I could tell that the OT was almost like a ventriloquist's dummy, saying everything the social worker had said previously and..... reacting to things that showed me she was of the belief that I was reluctant to accept help of any kind as had no doubt been planted by the social worker.

I was and still am grieving for a very old and dear friend who really should not have died earlier this year. So my own reactions may come across as different to how I am normally.

I've put a mattress protector on the bed along with a square washable cover and then a disposable square and then mum's pad.
I've got a duvet protector on the duvet as well as the duvet cover.

Now that it's just me and the OT working things out for the best between us things are a lot better. She's actually an ok person really who I quite like.

The district nurses said it can help to leave the sling around mum and just tucked down the chair to make it easier the next time it's used but the OT said it really shouldn't as it can chafe (have I spelled that right).

Scruffy.

[SheWolf]

Scruffy, you're doing a brilliant job under nigh impossible circumstances. I hope you get some more support soon, because it sounds like you could do with more help than you're getting.

My mother is 84 and although she hasn't been diagnosed with dementia she does seem to have some very peculiar ways lately, esp. around matters of hygiene and toilet problems. She has IBS and sometimes doesn't make it to the toilet in time, but each time it happens she seems to go into denial, tries to act like nothing's wrong, and sometimes sits in her soiled clothes for hours, even sleeping in them overnight!

Mum's not disabled and I've made sure she has wet wipes, disposable panties and gloves etc, but each time she has a toilet mishap, instead of sorting it out herself Mum just pretends it hasn't happened. So, part of me wonders if Mum has got some kind of dementia, because it's just so odd to sit in her own filth, without even trying to sort it out. (Edited to downsize, as realised I was going off topic.)

I agree with what others have said about using the hoist etc - only you can know what works for you in this situation, so stick with your instincts. It's a very tricky problem so don't worry if you are breaking a few of the H&S rules - they can't cover every situation.

[NanaNana]

I would whole heartedly agree with the OT about the sling chafing and rubbing. Don't go down the pressure sore road if you can help it, they're not funny.
Make sure that mum's tops or dresses or trousers are as crease-free as you can get them around places like bum, tops of legs, elbows, that awkward 'in-between legs' bit. And try and keep checking clothes throughout the day, as she moves about.
It might be a phaff, yes, I know, it's a right pain sometimes, but either keep checking or end up with unseen creases and rub marks.
Always take the sling out when mum lands in the wheelchair in the mornings and start again at bedtime. Ask the OT to show you how to put the sling back under mum whilst she's in her chair (if she hadsn't done this already).

Congrats to you for perservering, gets easy with practice, like everything else really.
Take care now.
xx