Crisis what can I do ?

[JHR57]

This again a case of folk who have read the books on how to do things and how they should be done but have absolutely no idea at all what life is really like in our fast lanes. i have had so many "professionals" tell me on countless occasions that I'm doing it all wrong but not one of them offers to do anything about it just simply ticks yet another box. These are peoples lives they are dealing with for goodness sake Mr Cameron get people employed in your government departments that really know how difficult it is to deal with these situations - I have been in your situation many many times with my Dad Scruffy he lost the use of his left side post stroke and some days finds it impossible to weight bear on his "good" leg - all SS tell me is to put incontinence pads on him and leave him for the carers. If Dad soils himself at 9.30am after his morning carers have moved on to their next client he would have to wait until 8pm until the next lot come I wonder if the "professionals" employed to tick the boxes would like my Mum's position of having to sit through the awful smell all day, i think not but Mum is 80 years old and just could not do the necessaries to clean him up so it's all down to me to do it "incorrectly" as they keep telling me with absolutely no satisfactory offer of practical help - i truly truly believe that these "professionals" should spend some time in the homes of the clients that truly need help before offering inpractical and sometimes offensive advice - all I got this week was that we have to pay even more money out for the insufficient (time wise) care that we already have - rant over now I'll finish the dinner but my thoughts are definitely with you Scruffy xxxxx

[Booksey]

Hi Scruffy
How are you doing today. I had this problem with my hubby I've been on my hands and knees under the commode cleaning him up (great view isn't it ). My solution after advice from members on here was this. Spread wipes on the commode seat it helps with the cleaning of the commode and the caree. We also used to put the commode next to the bed and he rolled with help on to the bed where I cleaned him up. He couldn't stand at all although he could shuffle across from one thing to another if they were close together and it took a lot of trial and effort to work out a system that worked.
We eventually had a ceiling hoist but I found the mobile hoist very difficult to use and move about.

Hope you get a solution soon

[bowlingbun]

When is the hoist and bed actually going to come? Your health and safety is clearly being put at risk, and it's not good for mum to be left on the commode either. Be sure to ring social services tomorrow and tell them to stop messing about and sort it immediately.

[Scruffy]

Totally agree with you JHR. I really feel for your situation too. Took me ages to get a social worker to actually DO anything. I had one chat, leave a form with me and went on about the great holiday she had coming up to Australia to see her daughter and then left me to carry on. Another said unless my mum wanted help they couldn't provide it (it was me who was doing everything) and that I should 'work' on my mum to get her to change her mind. How exactly they thought I should go about that I don't know.

Hi Booksey,
She slides onto the commode from her recliner and I then pull her skirt out from underneath backwards and over her head. The tena pants need to come off and if she's soiled herself I will rip them down each side, ideally get her to stand and pull them backwards into the commode bowl. If she can't stand I try to push my gloved hand between her and the seat to push the tena pants and contents into the bowl but it hurts like hell.

There isn't really chance to put wipes round the seat as she doesn't stand, remove pants and sit down from the get go. She'd have pushed them out of the way sliding onto the seat or I'd have pulled them out of place when pulling her skirt out from under. I try to pull the skirt out while she's sliding onto the commode.

Mum doesn't like me going under the commode as it doesn't feel right to her but it has to be done.

My worry is that if the social or OT want a demo of cleaning mum while she's lying on the bed it's just not going to happen because mum cannot roll over and neither of us want strangers in to do personal care.
Ohh I just wish they'd have let me find a toileting hoist just to get mum off her recliner and onto the commode. I could have whipped her things off, put the wipes round the seat, sat her on it and got her changed and back onto the recliner.

I really didn't want a new bed. It's going to mean getting rid of the bed she had and also a dining table as they said there wasn't enough room for the bed and the hoist.

Mum likes the place looking homely and I'm so afraid it's going to look clinical. She has dementia and changes don't go well here.

We have rugs on the floor and they are bound to be a problem where the ends are but the carpet is awful as mum and dad bought it many years ago. I have been reluctant to buy a new one because I doubt I'd be allowed to stay here when mum is no longer around and I'd be spending money twice over, here and at the next place.
The best solution was these rugs as they look cosy and feel good under foot. I'm dreading being told they'll have to go too.

[Scruffy]

I should say that I've managed to get mum to sort of stand. She raised herself enough for me to pull her pants up and I then got her back on the recliner.

I honestly wish I'd never asked for any help from social services and gone my own way. I have read that it is possible to use direct payments for hoists and if I'd arranged the hire of one after being trained I'd have been able to present it as done and dusted.
If I could turn the clock back I would have done everything differently.

[Scruffy]

Bowlingbun,
Normally I would have chased this up but part of me is hoping they'll forget all about it and I can go ahead and sort things out myself with getting a toileting hoist on loan.
I need the hoist, we really don't need the bed.

I've been told that the hoist won't go under the recliner so I'm half expecting them to tell me I'll have to get rid of that too. So that will be the dining table, the bed and possibly the recliner I would have to get rid of all because I just wanted to be able to clean my mum's bottom.
It's just ridiculous.

[phoebe]

Scruffy- I wish I could say/do something more helpful for you, Social services are on a completely different planet to the rest of us and haven't got a clue. If they had to spend a week in the life of a carer, they simply wouldn't cope with the day to day practicalities of it. Hope the situation improves for you soon. Good luck.
Phoebe x

[bowlingbun]

So where is mum supposed to sit if her recliner goes? Hospitals are obsessed about patients not spending all day in bed, that they MUST sit out of bed to keep the circulation going. It might be worth pointing this out to them. I just wish I could do something more positive to help.

[Scruffy]

That's true. I am half expecting them to say mum needs one of those high backed wooden armed upright chairs you see in care homes.
Just wish they'd have worked with me to get what we need not what they think we need.
Thanks to you and everyone for understanding so well.

[bowlingbun]

I find the high back "nursing home" chairs too uncomfortable to sit in. When I had my knee operations, I'd do anything to avoid the one in my room. My mum bought one (she has a knee replacement too) and she can't use hers either. I think whoever designed them never tried actually sitting in them. Recliners are so much more comfortable.