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Crisis what can I do ? - Carers UK Forum

Crisis what can I do ?

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Mum has soiled herself and I have got her on to the commode. Have got her clothes in the washing machine but I cannot get her to stand up to clean her or clean the commode.
It's all squashed between her bottom and the commode.

This was why I needed a hoist and a toileting hoist in particular. This was why I tried to get one privately and the company were going to lend me one after training me in how to use it to see how I got on with it. If I hadn't been stopped from getting one by social services and the OT I wouldn't be in this predicament right this moment.

So mum cannot stand up. She is virtually naked because anything I put round her or on her she tucks between her legs and it gets soiled.
I have nobody to help me lift her and no way of getting her to stand.
I should add that she has dementia so has trouble following instructions and has come up with all kinds of ridiculous reasons why she can't do what I'm asking her to do.
For the past 3 days she has managed to stand but prior to that it could take all day to change her tena pants.
She managed to stand this morning but tonight after this 'accident' she can't. She says I should leave her to do it herself, that she'll go home to do it, that she'll have a bath etc etc. None of which are possible.
I am at the end of my tether at times like this.
scruffy what an awful situation. I dont know what to suggest i really dont. I dont know what your going to do if she cant stand. Has she got a zimmer or anything that you could get her to hang onto while you get her to raise herself a little so you can wipe a bit? or would that be to hard? Wish i could get to you and give you a hand.

Hope someone will be along on the forum soon that can suggest something. Really sorry scuffy Image
Thanks for being there to talk to. I've had to pull the commode bowl out from underneath and get down on the floor and try cleaning her from underneath. It's not ideal but it's something.
I don't know how I'm going to get her to stand so I can pull fresh tena pants up.

I had asked for a hoist and had a visit by an OT who told me what I needed instead of listening to me. Then she said the hoist she decided I needed wouldn't go under the bed mum has so we've now got to have a hospital bed as well.
I tried to arrange for a test of a toileting hoist privately but when I asked social services if I could use the direct payment for it they said they wouldn't agree to me using the money for something the OT decided wasn't suitable. When I said I had arranged a test of one privately they demanded to see me the next morning first thing with a new OT and said if I refused they would deem it a refusal and that mum was in danger and would bring in carers to take over from me.

I would have had the private one by now to see how we managed with it after being trained how to use it but I had to cancel that due to the threats by social services and am still waiting for them to provide the hoist they think I need.

It won't be a toileting hoist but they said that once we have the hoist we can ask for a toileting sling.

In the meantime I am struggling on like tonight.
When my mum has a fall, she calls the ambulance, because she can't get up by herself, and I can't help her either, due to some problems of my own. The ambulance service are happy to pick her up and reassure her. (I have several paramedics as friends). I don't know whether mum not being able to get up would justify and ambulance call? As I understand it, every Social Services department has to have an out of hours service - I suggest that you ring them, once you've sorted out mum and insist that this is sorted out without further ado, in the meantime, until such time as they can provide you with a SUITABLE hoist for your needs, they must arrange extra help for such emergencies. That you can't care for mum unless they do. If mum has carers call in during the day, then the care service might also have an emergency number for immediate help. Tomorrow, try ringing the doctor's surgery if they are open. Some areas have Twilight nurses, others have overnight nurses. So much depends on where you live and what services are available. I also think that you should find out from your local authority website, (the authority responsible for social services), which councillors sit on the Social Services committee - they will have a list. Then ring the chairman and explain your situation because of their incompetence. I've had a few crises in recent years, once you've done your best to tidy things up for now, be sure and have a cuppa and sit quietly until you have managed to calm down a bit, so that you can get some sleep.
how is everything scruffy? sorry i wasnt much help to you last night Image
Oh you so were India77. You saved me from feeling totally cut off and alone. I had emailed a friend who didn't seem to be about and I needed someone to hear me which you did.
I got to bed at 2am. Had to remove commode bowl and clean her from underneath, put cream on and try to get her on her recliner.
I managed to stand her up and lean over the table with me holding her up with my left hand and pull her pants up with my right.
I then got her on her recliner which is an easier task.

Had to face toileting her again this morning.

Thank you scruffy, thats made me feel a little better. I felt useless. Its awful when somebody needs help and you cant physically do anything. Glad you managed though. Lets hope you get this hoist. india.x
hello, scruffy, I'm phoebe and care for my hubby. I'm relatively new to the forum, and just read about your crisis. What an awful situation to be in, and I really feel for you. Social services seem to be more of a hindrance than the help that they are supposed to be, they are more interested in ticking boxes. have you tried your local red cross if you have one near you? They hire out equipment, give you training, and support.
Good luck and hope you get on ok.
Phoebe x
Hi Phoebe,
Social Services won't let me get equipment that their OT has claimed to be unsuitable. We are waiting for them to arrange for a hoist to arrive but it won't be suitable because what I need is a toileting sling attached to the hoist and theirs comes with a standard sling which we can then ask to be changed to a toileting sling. We haven't even had the sling yet and the OT said that she will need to come out and put me in it to try it and then put it on mum.
However the OT said because mum's bed is a divan the legs of the hoist wouldn't go underneath so the bed will have to be changed too, so we are waiting for the hoist and the bed.
I will then have to remove the divan and put it somewhere or take it to the tip if I can arrange that somehow.

All I asked for at the start was a hoist to help me get mum off her chair onto the commode so I can clean her up. I asked for a stand hoist as mum can hold on if she is supported. They didn't think one would be suitable but they never tested mum on her upper body strength. They were also surprised to find over the phone later that mum can tell me when she's in pain or needs to sit down.

I've got the same problem again today. I can get her off her recliner onto the wheeled commode and I remove her tena pants by pulling them down as far as possible and lifting each leg and pulling the pants forward and off but I cannot get fresh pants back on and if she can't or won't stand I have to leave her sitting on the commode for hours and hours. Sometimes it's all day.
I have tried rewards and encouragement, I've given her painkillers and I really have to support and lift her at her back to get her up and leaning over the table to be able to pull her pants up, cavillon cream her bottom and put the comfy lid over the commode bowl.
I can do all this in a matter of seconds as I set it all up with the cream squeezed out of the tube and the lid ready.
Mum tells me she could do it if I just did x, y or z. I do x, y and z and each time she changes her mind telling me 'oh I can't do that' as if it was my suggestion. She has dementia and forgets absolutely everything.

If I'd not have asked social services for help I'd have had a hoist by now because I contacted a company who were going to bring one out last week and leave it with me after training me in how to use it.

Social Services deemed mum to be in danger as a result of me wanting to obtain equipment their OT had said was unsuitable even though the OT didn't test mum and wasn't aware of all her capabilities.

So I am left with nothing and nobody to help me and mum sitting on her commode again now and me once more trying everything to get her to stand up so I can pull her pants up.
I can only do it so many times myself as my elbow burns and aches. I have to rest and then while I'm resting she'll say she thinks she could do it and so I get everything in place and then she'll say she can't.
I am up and down and up and down on and on like this for hours. I have to give her her meals while she's on the commode as there is no alternative.

I have thought of sneaking a foldable hoist in which I could hide if social services want to come out again. Just don't know how safe they would be. Social Services seemed to think I'd be keeping mum in the air for a long time and said they aren't designed for the patient to be up in the sling for a long time. I never intended her to be. My main concern is always her safety and comfort while getting her sorted out quickly.